After hearing for the last two weeks how being with the entire family on Thanksgiving would be too uncomfortable and how he really wants to stay in his apartment alone (yeah right). My H showed up yesterday for Thanksgiving dinner. I was so surprised to see him. We had a great day. He was so sweet and nice. We even got into a wrestling match (too much fun, nice to have a reason to tackle him). Then to top things off, I have to work today. He is going over to the house and get the Christmas stuff down for me, and then he is going to meet me and my son for lunch. I can't believe it, I really wasn't looking forward to Thanksgiving, but it turned out to be a great day. Now I have lunch to look forward to.<P>------------------<BR>To thy own self be true.<BR>*Viki<P><BR>

<P>Glad you're having a good weekend!!<P>Lori

Good for you, It's a good feeling huh? One more thing to give Thanks for....<P>------------------<BR>Rutger......One day at a time.<P>

I can't believe have quickly things change. I just got off the phone with H, and he asked me if it would be alright if he took our son with his OW and her kids out tonight. Before he moved out we agreed that our son was to be no where near this OW, and now he is asking me to allow this. I just can't. Is that the only reason he was so nice to me yesterday, so I would agree to this? I just want this all over with.<P>------------------<BR>To thy own self be true.<BR>*Viki<P><BR>

Man!! Just when you think.............<P>I'm sorry Pondvj. You do what you feel is best. We're here for you.<P>Lori

Sheesh! I was so excited for you, and now this!<BR>I'm so sorry. He is still in LALA land, Viki. You can't try and second guess them. <BR>I'm so sorry.<BR>Keep taking care of yourself and your son. I'm praying for you.<P>Cheryl

pondvj,<P>Damn the devil...<P>To be honest with you... I try to do everything legally possible to keep my kids from having contact with my W's OM!<P>It's a losing battle when she gets the kids on a visitation... but I thank God I got the restraining order to keep OM from spending overnights with <B>my</B> kids! (The only really good thing my counter-filing for divorce accomplished!... now I'm tying to putmy divorce on hold.)<P>I'd say... if you can avoid it... <B>don't</B> let you son go with OW...<BR>Most folks would be shocked to hear me say this in this forum (ohhh... Jim... what about <BR><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>?)<P>My first priority... is to protect my kids... and secondarily... let my spouse know... this part of her fantasy (OP and kids bonding) is <B>not</B> going to happen easily!<P>I hope things work out for you...<BR>Don't feel you have to follow my recommedations...<BR>I'm just one of many voices... crying out in the wilderness...<P>Prayers on your decision... <P>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...

I'm back. I just had lunch with the H. I told him that I didn't want them to go with the OW. He told me that I was being selfish. They were going to take seperate vehicles and there would be no personal contact. He then told me that he wasn't going to keep our son overnight. He didn't think he should have to put his life on hold. So basicly he is putting this OW over our son. I can't back down on this, I feel too strongly about it. But it sure does hurt, I can't seem to stop crying. Life sure is full of crazy turns. <P>------------------<BR>To thy own self be true.<BR>*Viki<P><BR>

{{{{{{{{{{<B>pondvj</B>}}}}}}}}}}<P>I am proud of you...<BR>I too got that "... told me that I was being selfish..." malarkey... from my W.<P>when he told you... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>They were going to take seperate vehicles and there would be no personal contact. He then told me that he wasn't going to keep our son overnight.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>... I'm gald you caught on... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Wayward spouses do not necessarily have a history of lying, but their affair turns them into masters of deception. (page 40 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair")</A><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Keep strong for your son... and yourself...<P>In all other ways... hard as it may be... no <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>, and try to satisfy his <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A>... as best you can! <BR> <BR>Jim<BR>---------------------------------<BR>Where two or more are gathered...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited November 26, 1999).]

Hi Pondvj -<P>First, I want to say how nice it is to hear from you.....haven't read anything from you in a while and was wondering how you were doing....so how were you doing before all this?<P>About this situation....UGH!! <P>I think that you are right to stick to the decision that was made and I have to tell you that I experienced sarcastic laughter when I read his statements about putting life on hold, etc....<P>Gee, what does he think that HE did?<P>Amazing.....simply amazing!!!!<P>Don't let this get to you so badly...a decision was made with the best interest of the child in mind and nothing about that has changed.....<P>As a matter of fact...what does he think seeing you and H having so much fun and family time yesterday and then being thrown in with this OW and her kids would do to your son's confusion level? Is that not a factor? I would point that out and if Yesterday's visit was to butter you up......boy, did he not think it through!!!!<P>All it did was reinforce that he is creating instability for your child's mental health!!!<P>So, don't feel badly from his actions or words...he attempted to twist the reality into putting you on a guilt trip.... Sorry, but that doesn't cut it.<P>You are being mature, stable, responsible and completely unselfish here....don't you let anyone make you doubt that!!! <P>HUGS,<P>Sheba<BR>

Well my H and son just left. I guess that's a good sign. He kept asking me if I changed my mind, I didn't. So I am going to take it that he is not going to go with the OW since he took our son with him. I can't think the other, that would be too hard to take.<BR>Thank you all so much for the support. It means so much to me. <BR><P>------------------<BR>To Thine Own Self Be True<BR>A.K.A.<BR>PondVJ<P>

hi pond/viki!! I wish you would quit trying to confuse me. <BR>O think you are doing a great job with all this. Your h surely did not expect or want you to say yes to this ow situation. Is this some kind of test? Trying to see where you really stand? Have no idea what goes thru their minds....<BR>But you did the right thing in protecting the child. You do not have to agree on everything to be doing okay with H!! You never agreed on everything before the affair, so it is not going to happen now either. I am so happy to read that you and h are communicating enough to eat toghether, to talk about christmas things, etc. Pond, though not all here is good news, it sure outweighs the bad. Chin up girl!

Well I guess I have some good news. H tried to change my mind, I did hold firm. He says he doesn't understand the big deal, but he agreed not to have them meet. And the good news is, he is taking our son for the night. I am so glad, cause our little boy does miss his daddy. But don't get me wrong, H did try to give me a major guilt trip, but I remembered all the great advice I got here and stood on my feet. I'm kinda proud of myself. Thank you all so much for the love and support.<P>------------------<BR>To Thine Own Self Be True<BR>A.K.A.<BR>PondVJ<P>

be very very proud of yourself girl! You did a great job: pat on the back and big hug to you! It gets easier with practice!