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#344211 11/25/03 05:06 PM
Joined: Oct 2002
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angelia Offline OP
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Plan B has not worked out as I planned. I had asked God for timing and wisdom and what I thought was a great plan apparently God didn't so things are on hold. It truly is probably for the best as it gives me more time to get myself ready but in the meantime I am grieving my marriage. How do you live in the house with an addict who is NOT interested in any type of recovery. The computer is always on and I come home to find his girls of the day knowing I am not it. Whenever we speak it is hostile and leaves me feeling empty each time.

I was kinda looking forward to the peace and quiet that PLan B would bring - no more outbursts, anger, rude comments, unloving practices and no more internet porn. I felt such peace when I imagined myself away from this.

Why couldn't I be married to an addict who wanted to be in recovery? Why couldn't I be married to a man who gives his life to God? Why in the world did the plan not work out? What am I to learn from this situation? Why did God put up a roadblock for me? What is His plan today? I know it's higher than mine and I know God loves me. I know those things. I just don't feel it today.

I have never felt grief before - as a codependent person I stuffed any uncomfortable feelings aside focusing rather on fixing another person so I didn't have to feel them. Well, as I started my own personal recovery I realized God gave me those emotions to feel. Today is one of those days. I am weary and tired of fighting the principalities of darkness. I am grieving the loss of what I thought was a marriage with two people who loved each other. We were just two people who were dysfuctional trying to set up house. 10 years is a long time to play house.

I need more of God's love today. I need a breakthrough, a sign, a hug, a blessing or just something...just something.

I feel jumbled today - you know when you think you have the plan and it doesn't work..ugh!

I need that grace and mercy to carry me through this problem.

Why does it hurt so much?

Prayers please....

#344212 11/25/03 06:18 PM
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Posts: 107
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Angelia,
I'm sorry that you are suffering so. As a recovering addict I know that the urge to view is so great that it is indeed like a drug.

Oh Heavenly Father! You are the great creator...you created the heavens, the planets, stars and moons...you are also our saviour...you know the number of hairs on our head, you walk with us when times are good and when they are bad...you love us so much that you sacrificed your Son on the cross and carried our sins on His shoulders.

Dear Lord I bring before you Angelia's husband...please dear Lord, evil has taken root within her husband...please shine your awesome Light into his life and chase away all of the darkness...create a clean heart and renew a right spirit within him. Dear Lord, I also bring before you Angelia...please be beside her and comfort her...lay your hands on her, strengthen her and provide her the stamina to hang in there for her husband. You indeed provided a miracle to me today and I know that you will do the same for Angelia and her husband. I pray all of this in the awesome name of your son, Jesus Christ. Amen!

#344213 12/03/03 08:19 AM
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My prayers to out to you as well. I am in a troubled marriage as well. Too long to get into. A briefing, however husband had baby with woman of different race, has always had porno magazines, online, condoms in cars, wallets, accused of sleeping with my cousin, his best friends ex wife need I go on. I am a basket case however, I must prevail for the sake of my two teenage children. Son is a senior daughter sophomore none are his. I pray daily been married 10 yrs together 14 yrs.

Financially I am fearful to live alone have house, bills you know. Please pray for me as well.

Thank you!

#344214 12/03/03 03:04 PM
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Praise the Lord and Thank him for bringing you through this for this long. Rejoice in him. His timing is always a mystery. Blessings to you all. Much love in Christ.

#344215 12/09/03 01:55 AM
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butterflie,
I am adding you to our weekly prayer list.

God's Blessings,
TTSMM


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