I feel like I'm being led to write my H a letter apologizing to him for the things I have done to push him away from me. I am not trying to plead with him to get him back, but I really feel led to ask for forgiveness from him for the things I have done.

I have been praying for the right words, for God to guide me in my strokes, so I will be of a "quiet & gentle spirit" and not to place blame on him for anything. I pray that Adam takes the letter for what it is - an apology.

Would this be considered pushing? I don't want to do anything to alienate him from me any further. Could I get some insight on this? Your prayers would be helpful. Thanks.

Standing,
Definitely pray for the right spirit to write the right words of apology. Be sure they are genuine reasons to apologize for, and be sure they in no way blame or accuse him. If you go to loveandrespect.com, and search around a little, maybe you will happen upon the right motivators. It takes a big person to apologize and to ask for forgiveness, but God commands it, if we want it. Remember, God is a God of reconciliation. And love covers a multitude of sins. Cover your letter in prayer and ask God to let it speak to his heart.

Holy Spirit, give standing the right words, show her the right words, lead her to the right words to make her apology be warmly received by her husband. Let her intent be genuine as she places her words on paper. Help her humble herself in this act of loveand respect. Let their hearts communicate soul to soul as she writes and he reads. Let there be a honor and respect flow between them as standing does as You have instructed her to act. Father, place Your hand upon this letter, let Your annointing be upon it, that it may do Your will, to do good and not to harm. We ask this in Jesus name. Amen

<small>[ December 16, 2003, 12:56 PM: Message edited by: singleguy ]</small>

Hi Standing. God bless you sis. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Two thoughts came to me. One, timing is everything! You can do the "right" thing, at the wrong time, and it turns out to be the wrong
decision.

The next thought was that because it is so important to know whether or not this is the right thing to do, it would be valuable to seek out counsel from someone that knows your situation. This is where a trusted Christian friend can help.

If I were you, I would be quick to respond to God and send the letter (even write
one up and get it ready) but slow to sending it -waiting on the timing.

Be absolutely sure that you are at total peace and have thought it all through.

I am sorry I can not advice beyond that, not knowing your situation, but I just felt
to tell you to be cautious.

I believe the Lord is very pleased with your willingness to own your part of the break
down to the marriage, but if there is any chance that your husband might perceive it as a way to "push" as you say, than you need to wait on the right timing.

Is your husband asking for space? Has he asked you to leave him alone? If so, you
need to respect that wish. Even though the content of the letter might be great, the fact
that you have not respected his wishes, would end up being counter productive.

Above all, listen to God, which you are already doing! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Blessings,
Dzzz

sg,
Thank you for the prayer. You wrote that at the time that I was done with my letter. God works in mysterious ways. I believe I have filled the letter with words of love and uplifting my H, showing respect for him which is what I'm called to do as a wife.

Dz,

Thank you for your kind words. Maybe you're right about waiting to give it to him. After I wrote it, I had this feeling that I should wait for something. I'm not sure what. I keep getting this knawing feeling that something's going to change this week or the beginning of next week but I'm not sure what. This could be a sign from God telling me to wait & be patient. I think this letter is more of a goodbye & wish you well type deals filled with love for him. Not once did I plead for him to come back but I expressed the changes God has made in me already within these 2 1/2 months & letting him know that the door is always open in our home. He is more than welcome to eat with us, spend time as a friend or just call to say hi. I want him to know that even though I will always want more than friendship, I am not turning my back on him as a friend.

I had also asked him last night what his plans were for Christmas dinner (for the sake of the children) and he told me he'd be alone in his room. So, in this letter, I extended an invitation to celebrate Christmas, Christ's miraculous birth, with his family. I also invited him to share in singing praises on Christmas Eve at the Candlelight Service at church. This was a tradition since I was a little girl - to go to church on Christmas Eve & then come back & open one present. I wanted him to know that we are still continuing this tradition, with or without him. We just would like his company.

And I ended letting him know I will always love him no matter what happens in our futures. I don't think this was pushing for a R with him. And to answer your question, we see each other regularly because of the kids. He has even spent quite a few hours with us here at the house. He hasn't said he doesn't want me around him. He just doesn't want me to try to make him come home because, quote, "I'm not coming home", unquote.

Well, I gave it to him. He hasn't said anything about it yet. I pray that he received the words with an open mind and an open heart & the Lord will continue to soften his heart toward me. I also pray the Lord will give him a longing & thirst for His word, His love, His forgiveness. Please Lord, watch over my H, protect him, forgive him, show him your never ending love & forgiveness. Show him a different path than one of self-destruction.

I also pray that you would help me to overcome feelings of anger, bitterness, resentment, gossiping, disrespect, and self-pity. Please help me to rise to your call, to come to You for comfort first instead of seeking out friends & family first. Please forgive me, Lord, for not listening to Your voice, for not trusting You that You know what is best, for taking matters in to my OWN hands, instead of leaving them in Yours.

I am so fearful that H will self-destruct. He's like a time bomb waiting to explode. I pray that God intervenes before it gets to that point. I know unconditional love sometimes means stepping back & letting the one you love fall flat so they can learn some kind of lesson, to be some kind of wake up call, but it is so hard to watch the man you love self-destruct without wanting to reach out & pick up the pieces if they do fall.

Please pray that I have self-discipline in that area. To know when to say things, when not to say them, to keep showing Christ's love in all that I do or say.

Heavenly Father, I come to You on behalf of standing and her husband. Father, You know what is going on here. I ask that You would intervene, that You would speak to his heart, and that You would bring about change in this man's life. Father, soften the hardness that has overcome his heart. Father, plead with him, reason with him, and show him Your unconditional love that You will so generously give to him. Father, I ask that You would forgive his sins before he even asks. That You would take away the hurt and the pain that has overcome him. Father, deliver him from it all. And lord, heal Yvette's wounds. Father, take away her sadness, her disappointments, her anger, her bitternes, her hopelessness, and make all these things work together for good. Father, take her to the throne of grace, and show her who You really are. Show her how much You truly love and care for her. Show her that You are the way, and the only way. That Your ways lead to peace, and joy, and ultimately happiness. That this valley she is going thru will not last forever. That joy WILL come in the morning, if she will endure, and not give up. Father, be with her thru the holidays ahead. Hold her, strengthen her, and above all, guide her. In Jesus name. Amen

singleguy

Dear Heavenly Father. Shine Your protective grace upon standing's husband. Let him know that You are always there waiting for him to reach out and call Your name. That all his sins will be forgiven. Touch his heart deeply, through all the anguish, pain and despair he is feeling and let him know he is not alone. That he is NEVER alone, because You are ALWAYS by his side.
Let him read the words from his wife, standing..., and know that these are true words of love and forgiveness. That she will always be there for him and that she wants the best for him.
Hold her heart in Your powerful hands, and let her know Your will, so that she can shed the anger and bitterness that resides there.
We ask this in Jesus' Most Holy Name. Amen.

I am taking a break from wrapping gifts and packing. Leaving tomorrow for 5 day trip to be w/relatives & friends through Christmas (it is a 30 year tradition WH has missed for 3 years now, if he doesn't show up again this Christmas Eve).

I just stopped to read my email, looking for a confirmation from a friend that she can meet me for dinner one of the nights I am in her town. Instead I read the Charlyne Cares devotional I recieve....on Saturdays, she always runs Praise Reports from Standers. This is an excerpt from one that particularly touched my heart, and I think will touch everyone here:

"This will be the sixth Christmas since my pouse left. Six Thanksgivings, six first days of school, six of everything. My heart goes out to standers facing those first big holidays alone. I can remember what it was like. But even clearer, I can remember the arms of God around me and around my family each time. Each holiday taught me to trust a bit more, control less and obey that still small voice. God even used my mistakes to gently remind me, 'Now that you have done that once, you've learned and won't do it any more.' Slowly I learned to rest in the arms of God. Learned the peace of waiting for His prompting and the joy of obeying His plan. When the 'what ifs' of the holidays start rearing their ugly heads, I remember the past and get excited thinking, 'I can't wait to see what God has planned this time.' Take heart my fellow stander, the One who created joy has created a plan for your Christmas. Give Him the broken pieces, trust and obey, and get excited about what He has planned."

God Bless, everyone.

Amen.