My wife and I are having a very bad time. She is sleeping in another room tonight and I am crushed. We are both Cursillistas etc. but my wife has drifted away and become bitter and angry. My ENs are not being met, and most of hers are. Please pray for M&M that we may remain in the love of the Lord and each other, PLEASE!!

God hates divorce.

mojo,

Sorry you haven't gotten any replies yet. I think many of us here have been lurking and praying for everyone here. These holidays have been spiritually intense for many here and are just pulling ourselves up again.

It may be possible that you are still missing something that your W needs. The EN's listed in HNHN are not all inclusive. There may be things she needs that aren't totally spelled out. Also, For years I thought I was meeting my W's ENs, but after her A, I found out that I was only meeting those needs I identifies with. Which were only 4th,5th, and 6th on her list. I was neglecting the top three all the while and thought I was doing good. After the A what are you doing that woould make her feel like you should be trusted? And how do/did you know what you are/were doing was adequate? Like someone's sig line says; "The definition of insanity is doing the same things over and over and expecting different results." You need to try something different.

Do you hide anything from her? Do you willingly allow her to question you about what you are doing or where you are going? Or do you make her ask you about it, or offer answers that are non-specific and never answers her questions. Did you in the past, tell her what her time frame to get over the fellings of the A was? Are you still in contact w/ OW? There are many things a WS can do and not do which can keep a BS from totally healing.

If you really love her you will focus on finding out what those are and less on what your needs are. Because from you brief post, it's obvious that what is being done now isn't working. Make it safe for her to take to you. You maybe starting from square one and having to make up for 21 years of past hurts. It's going to take some time. Once you can answer some of those questions, I think you can start the road to recovery.

However, you do need to reply to the people who post to you and hold a dialog. Posting once like you've done in the past and not carrying on the thread isn't going to help you very much. We can pray for you but it would help if we really knew what to pray for. I would suggest something along the lines of how we can pray for you to understand your W better.

May God bless you as you become an effective priest in your family.

S&C