In the overall scheme of problems going on with many of us here, my week might not seem 'all-that-bad', but for me it has been rough.

In no particular order.
- My W said the children will only go to church every other Sunday.
- I took a bath in our jacuzzi tub (only used it a dozen or so times since we moved into the house - and only once with my W) and afterwards laid in the buff in our bed (W was at work). So many memories came back: our intimate moments, watching TV, giving each other massages, conversation, etc. I felt longing for this to be in my life again WITH MY W. It left me feeling sad.
- I've stayed up late the last few nights and end up watching TV-MA movies. Interesting thing is I don't imagine myself being with the other women in the movies. I imagine myself being with my W in those "positions".
- I was screaming at the top of my lungs at both my children for disobeying me on different issues. I knew it was beacuse I have no love from my W that I did this. Did they desrve to be disciplined? YES. But not so harshly, verbally. I am happy to say that the past two days, I have toned that down, and still discipline them. In fact my D lied to me before, and I caught her in it. I punished her, but I think she was more afraid of me talking to her afterwards. I told her that people don't like liers. I let her know that when you lie you hurt others. I told her this is why Mommy is so mad at me, because I lied about something very important to Mommy. (I felt I was being guided to say this to her).
- I have taken my prayers to another level. I have been saying "The Power of a Praying Husband" prayers (first five chapters) every day. It's felt like words. The past two days, they have been conversations with God.
- My W has asked me to do things, but there have been no "Please", "Would you", or "Thanks you" in any of her request.

Overall, I have none of my EN's being met. I think (Know) this is why I am watching the TV-MA movies. It is the only EN that I can have fulfilled for myself. I won't even say more than one or two sentences to any women at work, or elsewhere for fear of them meeting any of my EN's (intentionally or not).
I have pleasured myself; but with absolutely NO thoughts of any other women. Sometimes, not even with my W in my thoughts, just the pleasure.

I know this will open a can of worms on this site; but, maybe from a biblical standpoint it won't be so confrontational.
Where in the Bible does it say that masturbation is a sin? Growing up in a Catholic house, I saw the example of Onan as why masturbation is a sin. Now from reading and research, God killed Onan because he refused to raise offspring in his brother's name.
Any answers appreciated.

I'm just feeling lonely, physically, and longing for intimacy WITH MY W, no other woman.

I know God will answer my prayers, He answers ALL our prayers. But, the answers are not always what we want to hear/see/get. AND, they are the right answers because He is PERFECT in all He does.

Love in Christ,
ttsmm

TTSMM,

I think I understand your feelings about recent events.

My weekend also did not go well - I comitted a major blunder. While I was doing the washing up, a dog walked past the kitchen window with no sign of an owner. Having told my W I was going to help the dog, I then went chasing after it. Unfortunately the dog led me a merry dance, taking me out of sight of my W for over 20 minutes. She doesn't even believe me that there was a dog, and thinks instead that I was cheating on her again.

Anyway, back to your problems. The first thing I would say is *stop watching the TV-MA films*. This is from someone in a 12 step program because I let material like that take over my life.

While the Bible does not specifically name masturbation, there are the comments like those in Paul's first letter to the Corinthians, chapter 6, verses 18 to 20:
Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a man commits are outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body. Do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your body.

Do you realy think that masturbating is an appropriate way to honor God?

I also found the pages at http://www.bible.com/answers/amasturb.html to be helpful. You may too.

I will be praying for you, and your wife.

Richard

2x

<small>[ January 19, 2004, 11:52 AM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>

Trying,
I know you will find this hard to believe, but I see sooooo many positives in your post!

OK, a few negatives, too, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> but I will point those out as well.......

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">laid in the buff in our bed. I felt longing for this to be in my life again WITH MY W.
- I've stayed up late the last few nights and end up watching TV-MA movies. Interesting thing is I don't imagine myself being with the other women in the movies. I imagine myself being with my W in those "positions".</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a VERY GOOD THING.
I mean the part about ONLY envisioning being with your W!!! I think God is bringing your heart back to her in a healthy, Godly way.

AND WHEN HE (AND you) ARE READY, HE'LL BRING HER BACK TO YOu!!!!
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> - I was screaming at the top of my lungs at both my children for disobeying me on different issues. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK, not so good one, here. But don't you DARE start beating yourself up about it (that's what WE'RE here, for!!!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> You are human. Just resolved to do better next time. Count to 10, whatever, before you go doing that again, 'k? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I let her know that when you lie you hurt others. I told her this is why Mommy is so mad at me, because I lied about something very important to Mommy. (I felt I was being guided to say this to her). </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I like it!! Very responsible, and mature. Did not "lay this on W" - so she couldn't take issue with it (although she'll prolly try to find a way to do, anyway)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">- I have taken my prayers to another level. I have been saying "The Power of a Praying Husband" prayers. It's felt like words. The past two days, they have been conversations with God.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is MOST positive!! God really IS taking you a deeper level, as I've commented on a few times before. I can sense that's where you were headed, and now I'm glad you can see it!!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">- My W has asked me to do things, but there have been no "Please", "Would you", or "Thanks you" in any of her request.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">OK, think of it like, "This is probably how I've treated my Lord for a long time." Well, Trying, ME, anyway.
Continue to "serve" her, as unto the Lord. You'll be fine. She may seem to be "enjoying" it in a sick kind of way, but He sees, and HE IS THE ONE WHO WILL EXALT YOU for your obedience to Him in His time.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have pleasured myself; but with absolutely NO thoughts of any other women. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Also, a good thing.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Where in the Bible does it say that masturbation is a sin? Growing up in a Catholic house, I saw the example of Onan as why masturbation is a sin. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have no answer for you on this one. Maybe someone else can research it? And come up with something?

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm just feeling lonely, physically, and longing for intimacy WITH MY W, no other woman.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">VERRRRRRRRY GOOD signs!!!
I understand about the lonely part. I feel it too. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

But sometimes I thank God for it, cause it proves to me that God has left that "feeling" in my heart as a kind of "proof" that He's going to fill it one day, when my H comes home! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know God will answer my prayers, He answers ALL our prayers. But, the answers are not always what we want to hear/see/get. AND, they are the right answers because He is PERFECT in all He does.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">AMEN AND AMEN!!!

<small>[ January 19, 2004, 11:51 AM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>

Trying,

Boy, this must have been the week for hard times. Satan is really trying to get this group. God IS moving in this circle very mightily. I can always tell because when things start to go well for a little while, things seem to take 3 steps backward in our group. I feel like there has been a shift in the spiritual realm and Satan's getting pretty upset by it because he knows he doesn't have very much time left.

I agree with LL 150%! There are so many positives that are coming forth in your situation. You just have to really look to see them. It's not easy, believe me. I too had a very rough weekend from Thursday onward including today, excluding Sunday. I really had to search to find a positive thing to keep me encouraged and moving forward and focused on what works God HAS done lately. And I found one after releasing myself to Him completely. He gave me my positive during my sleep so when I awoke Sunday morning, it was the first thing that hit me when I woke up. That kept me encouraged throughout the day.

I don't have very many "words of wisdom" for you, but I do know that God IS moving in your life and if you need to, lock yourself in your room, read some scripture, and just try to completely relax and let the Holy Spirit move through you. Sometimes we need also to just lay there and commune with God - that's what He's there for. He not only answers prayers, but He is there as the shoulder to cry on, to lean on. He wants to comfort you.

Well, rough week-END, for me, anyway.

Here's the story:

I know I'm going to be cryptic here, but I feel it's necessary.

A very, very good friend of mine (someone I respect very much) from work, was "called on the carpet" last Friday for an indiscretion, basically involving confidentiality issue (I call it a momentary error in judgment, really - it wasn't all THAT serious).
Even tho all children saw the same info, only one child got upset, went home upset, parent got upset, parent (a not-wrapped-too-tight parent as it is) calls everyone in the district complaining....yadda, yadda, yadda. This parent has "complained" about many things over many years. Any excuse to scream about her child getting unfair treatment. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Here's the thing. I (we - other teacher and I) suspect a third teacher (with a secret agenda to RUN THE SHOW over us) has "egged" the parent on to push this issue beyond reasonable limits, knowing the *FAT* would hit the fan, and the teacher (my friend) would be chastised severely, or worse.

Apparently, chastised does not even come close. Parent is yelling for the teacher's head on a platter.....teacher has been advised to issue a written apology (which she has). Unbeknownst to anyone except myself - she has now decided she will NOT return to our school district next year. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

SHE IS THE BEST DA*M TEACHER I HAVE EVER KNOWN (& I've been teaching for almost 30 years), and I'm extremely upset that the *other* teacher (the one with the agenda?) is getting "her way" - AND I suspect I will be her next target.

I am extremely sad.

I am sad for my friend. I am sad for the end to our working together (we really ARE a dynamite team!) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> And I am sad that I have to work in FEAR of the other shoe waiting to DROP on MY neck. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

My friend doesn't live nearby. She commutes to our district (45 miles). She will find a job in her school district nearer her home, less driving for her, kind of a good thing. I'm sure she would have left soon anyway, but I hate to see it be under THESE conditions. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

My heart is breaking. I KNOW God moves people in and out of our lives, for a season, but I am extremely sad about how this one is going down.
Folks, I'm too "old" and tired to move. I live in a very small town. I can't look in many places for another job. But, I DON"T WANT TO BE THE NEXT "TARGET" OF THIS VICIOUS, VENGEFUL, AGGRESSIVE PERSON who is only doing all this to "make a name for herself" - and move herself up the food chain quickly.

My heart aches tonight. It's going to be difficult to get through the rest of the school year with a good attitude.

I am just feeling nothing but HATE for this person right now. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Standing, you ain't just fooling when you say satan is working OVER-TIME to make life miserable for those of us on this board. I am trying to take your words to TtSMm to heart for myself.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

TTSMM,

I do not believe that a sound bible-thrashing about masterbating is going to bring you closer to God or make you a better man. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> I do believe, though, that you know that you are playing with fire when you watch TV-MA films. It's like the door to sexual impurity in your heart was closed, latched, and sealed--but now you've turned the knob a little bit, left the door closed, but it's not latched tight. And believe me, my brother, any place that there IS a chance to get in and cause pain and heartache and dispair, well you KNOW that Satan will jump at the chance!! I prayerfully hope that you will close, latch and seal that door and don't give Satan the chance to sneak in.

Here's my loving word for you. You are a human being with all the wonderful, glorious physical needs and desires that God created a human being with! Human beings struggle without touch from another human being. Human beings have body parts that are specifically created to bring us pleasure. God is so good to us!! However, I think this is an excellent example of what Paul was talking about when he said (and I paraphrase here) that if you could set aside the physical things and dedicate yourself fully to God, that is the highest ideal because your mind and heart and body could be fully dedicated to Him. But...if you could not, and the physical things tempt you or affect you, then it's honorable to take a wife (or husband in my case) and serve God by loving your wife and raising a godly family. Just know that if you have a family and wife, you will then have worldly responsibilities and will HAVE TO focus some of your mind and heart and body on things here on earth (namely your wife and children). The single person can be 100% focused on intimacy with God--the married person (while completely honorable) must have some focus on intimacy with their spouse and family, and must be concerned with some earthly things and providing.

TTSMM, does that make sense to you? You were hardwired by God for sexual pleasure...and you did choose a wife and choose to have a family. So it's "normal" and "understood" that you have some focus on intimacy with a PERSON and miss hugs and holding hands and such. While you are going through this time, though, you actually have a great privilege and that is that as a man who is not engaging in physical intimacy right now, you have the bonus of being able to concentrate FULLY and COMPLETELY on intimacy with God.

TTSMM, what is intimacy? I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about being intimate...like Adam KNEW Eve. It's opening up. It's sharing yourself and letting the other person share. It's being vulnerable. It's being honest. It's showing your dark side to someone and they love you anyway. It's having a partner. It's a connection. Now...are you open with God?? Open yourself up to Him. Are you letting God share Himself with you, or are you the only one doing the sharing? What does He share with you? Can you hear His voice? Do you let Him speak to you, or do you do all the talking? Are you VULNERABLE with God? Does He know you like your best friend? Do you show Him your dark side and KNOW that He loves you anyway? Is God your partner? Are you connected with God in a close way?

See, there is another whole level here that is not just about sexual frustration or missing the human touch or falling into physical temptation. When you are truly intimate with God, He has promised us that He will be our all. To me, I've always interpreted that to mean, when I need a husband, He is my husband. Sometimes it's as dumb as needing someone tall to put a lightbulb in (I'm only 4ft 10in, so even if I stand on a chair, I can't reach the ceiling lights)--and sometimes it's as serious as laying alone in bed at night aching for someone to spoon with me. He PROMISED me that He will be my husband, and I'm clinging to that promise. He WILL be!! Sure enough, when I need someone tall, along comes my 17yo son (almost 6ft) or my next door neighbor (6ft+)!! Sure enough, when I'm alone in bed, here comes my puppy and he curls up next to me.

TTSMM, please don't struggle so. God IS there. He is. He has promised that He will be your all--please let Him. Let Him send ministering angels to you tonight so that you feel His love and not merely the love of a woman. Okay???


CJ

I am going to try and keep comments about my W w/o judgement or unneccessary elaboration, so bear with me, this is new to me.

As lupolady (I bleieve) mentioned in the past, my W is rebelling against God, and so Satan is trying to mess her up (all paraphrase - btw can we get an acronym for paraphrase added to our list; maybe para?). Anyway, she said to sit back an denjoy the show while God and Satan battle it out. Well, Sunday, our D had the lice problem again, poor girl. And so W was upset over this. While she was at work our S got very sick and was throwing up/diarehea (SP). So, i offered to stay home Monday to help out. The next day, W tells me she is feeling well either. After a disagreement we had (don't remeber what it was about) she says, storming away mad, "Who's here to take care of me when I am sick." I wanted to say, "I am, if you would just let me.", but I didn't. Later I thought, "Jesus is here also, if you would just let Him."

I ran some errands for her, got them all wrong and I will problably hear it later today (bought wrong coat for D, brought palydoh into the house, gave S cereal w/milk while he's sick); BUT, I know I did the best I could because I love her and want to care for her and I know God SEES that.

Changing gears here.
Last week I was listening to the radio and they were talking about getting to know God and meditating on His Word. I have had problems with this, not quite understanding it. They said its great to read the Bible, but you need to meditate as well. Its not like meditation in other religions where you are emptiing your mind. Its where you allow God to FILL your mind with His Word. Read a passage of scripture slowly, para it, go over in your mind the meaning of each word.
So, as of yesterday, I decided I am going to learn and absorb, one piece of scripture EVERY DAY. I started last night with Romans 12:9 "Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is Good."

Love in Christ,
ttsmm

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by FaithfulWife:
<strong>What is intimacy? I'm not talking about sex, I'm talking about being intimate...like Adam KNEW Eve. It's opening up. It's sharing yourself and letting the other person share. It's being vulnerable. It's being honest. It's showing your dark side to someone and they love you anyway.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Ouch! Thanks for reiterating that. If there's one thing my W and I found out during our marriage weekend, it was that we had *not* been vulnerable and honest with each other. We had been particularly good at hiding our true feelings, and that lack of intimacy was probably part of what opened the door to what happened. We didn't KNOW each other as well as we thought we did.

Richard

Lord,

Help my wife and I as we attempt to regain the intimacy in our relationship. Help us to understand and love each other as complete people, with the unique strengths and weaknesses that you have given us. Help us to see your hand in our relationship, and live according to your will.

Amen

I guess it's still not time.

We went to Dr yesterday for our D.
Thank You Father, for having my W tell the doctor "...the children's father..." instead "...my husband..."

When she was going to work. Me, "Have a good day." Her, "There really is no need for that."
Thank You Father, for having her reject any acknowledgement from me.

This is tough to type. I don't know what I shuld be doing. On the one hand, "Be like Christ with my wife."; on the other hand, "Stay out of His way, I gave the problem to Him." So how do I "be" around my W? I feel like, "Don't speak unless you are spoken to." How is that being like Christ to her? Does this mean DO NOTHING that pleases her? Ignore her? Walk away from her?
I am reading the Bible and praying and talking to Him, and I don't know what to do.
As a side note: I am feeling sad because in 9 days it will be her 43rd B'day. The 15 days later, Valentine's Day. I want to get her flowers or a card or a gift, but she wants NOTHING from me.
I know someone here will suggest the 180 or Plan A or B or whatever, BUT, those methods are not being Christ-like.
God, Help me!

Love in Christ,
ttsmm

Trying - I am going to say a prayer for you, brother.

"Lord Jesus, I lift my brother up to Your throneroom this morning. Jesus, he is hurting and so confused. I ask You in Your precious Name to extend Your hand of healing to him and his wife. Lord, you told us that no weapon formed against us shall prosper. You comforted us with the assurance that the gates of hell shall not prevail against us. Lord, I pray that You will pay my hurting brother a special visit today. Give him a supernatural, holy strength to face this day. Jesus, please soften his wife's hard heart. Grant her a spirit of forgiveness and unity. Give my brother grace and mercy. We thank you and praise you ahead of time, Jesus, for the answers You will bring. In Jesus Name, Amen!"

I tried to post this before, but apparently my login had expired, and the message was lost. Since it was fairly long, this is a quick summary:

TTSMM,

It sounds like you are having a heck of a time. I pray that you may see a change in your wife's heart soon, or that you will see God's hand in what is happening.

My previous attempt to post contained a story from the now sadly departed Mike Yaconelli. Several of his presentations are downloadable in MP3 format from the internet, and I have been listening to them again recently. One story concerns an encounter with a disabled man with a very limited vocabulary. The man told Mike that he was busy - too busy. Mike agreed. He didn't have time to spend with his family like he wanted (and he believed God wanted). The man then asked "Why?" Mike had no good answer, but heard God speaking to him through the disabled man. Perhaps if you feel that you need to buy your wife a birthday and valentines card you should. Sure, she may tear them up, but perhaps the card you choose might be her equivalent of that simple question asked by the disabled guy.

Richard

Lord,
I pray for TTSMM and his wife. May they both listen to their hearts, and hear your voice speaking to them. May they once more see your love in their lives, their children, and each other. I ask this in the name of your Son, our saviour, Jesus Christ. Amen.