I am re-writing this because I did not get any responses <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> .

My brothers and Sisters in Christ,

My W called me Friday, 23rd to find out if I ever heard back from our real estate lawyer. She wants me to have him draw up a will (he does those too). I had called him last week, but had not heard back from him.
When I spoke to him Friday, he asked how everything was going, and I told him. He said he didn't see any corolation between me having/getting a will and the upcoming D, but, he said he would not discuss a will with me until I had a D atty. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> He gave me a refferal.

I called the referral and spoke to his asst. She told me that I need to come in to see him ASAP. That because I was served the papers in Sept 2003, and did not respond, the courts can grant her the D w/o a court appearance by me.
I am very <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> right now, and feel sick to my stomach. Satan is having a field day with us here (me, Standing_For_M, FaithfulWife, lupolady and probably many others) and I am so <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> . I scheduled an appt to see the atty on this Tues, so pray for me.

"Abba, Daddy, listen to me, your child, who wants to despeartely save my marriage. I know the wrongs I committed in my convenant between You, my wife, and myself. I know You have forgiven me them, because I believe Your Son, Jesus Christ, died for EVERYONE's sins. I know my wife has not forgiven me and she is being influenced by family and friends who don't believe in You. I hurt her tremendously with affairs, the fighting, the lying, and her pride is so wounded the Satan will not let her see the pain she is causing by continuning down this path. She is in a fog of pain, and hurt, and distrust, fueled by her strong pride.
Please, I beseech Thee, remove her from this fog. Let her see that this is not the solution. If I was still committing these sins against her, I would understand it all better, but I have changed. You know my heart and my ways and see where I've been and how far I've come. I bind Satan and all his emissaries (sp) here on earth (her therapist, her lawyer, her family, her friends) that are feeding her lies and and.or indifference to our marriage, to be cast away from her. I need Your help and Your Tender Mercy to be placed upon Marie, so she will stop these actions.
I LOVE MY WIFE, MARIE!
I WANT TO REMAIN MARRIED TO HER!
I WANT TO SEE HER GROW IN LOVE FO RYOU AND FOR ME!
Show me Your Will. Should I get an atty right now to protect myself?, or do I lay myself bare, and prepare for the slaughter?
I ask You these requests through the Most Precious Blood which was shed for all from Jesus Christ. Amen."

UPDATE:
Last Wed, 21st, she told me that she was going to have to pay her atty $100/wk for the next five weeks to continue with the D. On the way to work, after praying a Rosary, I remembered the Proverbs 20 (I mentioned back in Dec when she wanted me to stay in the house after the D). At the time I read it, I thought v.18 was concerning my talking with my old men's group about her proposal. Wed. I saw it differently. I did NOT pick up the Bible, I was driving, that verse came into my head. "Plans made after advice succeed; so with wise guidance wage your war." (Proverbs 20:18).

During this past weekend, I have had much on my mind and I decided not to cancel the appt for Tues, BUT, I am going to call them for a brief 3 minute conversation:
- Are you a Christian?
- Will you pray with me before each session?
- I don't want a D. Do you feel you can combine Biblical and legal factors in to this?
- I am NOT going for the jugular. I still love my W.
If he cannot agree to these, I will misuse our valuable time, and I will continue looking.

As a side not: I went to see some friends who I have not seen in over 8 years. I use to be with a group called "CCTG" Christian Community Theatre Guild, in Queens, NY. They had a show, so I went. I saw about 8-9 people who I knew and had a good time. The director asked how things were going and I told him. He said that there was always a place for me here after the D. "You have too many talents to be wasting them: singing, acting, dancing, computer, tachnical, etc." Also, the guild (name changed) is now taking the profits and putting them towards arts for underpriviledged children. A few months ago, God showed me that He wants me to work with children.
The only thing I didn't care for hearing, but apppreciated the honesty, was "We all thought your M was going to end sooner. You are an outgoing person and she isn't."

On the way home, I was listeing to Star 99.1 (CCM) and prayed to God for guidance. After about 30 minutes, nothing, so I turned off the radio and prayed again. Nothing. The silence was defening, drivning in a car by myself, so I turned the radio back on. I hit the Cd button instead, and since there was no CD in, NOTHING came out. I then hit the radio button, "God is control", was the words being sung right then (from the song of the same title). If I had have hit the button 2 sec earlier, the impact of that verse would not have been so powerful. After that song ended, 10-15 secs later, the next song to play was "How Do I Love Her" (Steven Curtis Chapman), one of my favorite songs. I wept while singing it.
BOTTOM LINE: I will not be going back to the guild yet. I need to leave it in God's hands. I need to find an atty (Christian). I will continue to love her. (I just don't know how if she wants nothing to do with me).

I saw my therapist yesterday in church (he's a deacon) and I tild him the whole story since our last session. He asked if I could go on living this way, with her like this? I answered by tellin ghim the signs, the songs, Proverbs, etc, and that I needed to find a Cristian atty. He said I never answered the question. I think I need a new C, because he doesn't seem to believe in miracles or God's power.

I don't know I am very confused right now an feel I need a break from this (MB) and concentrate on being with God and getting an atty. I will continue to post the "restoration", but I don't think I will be doing any other posting (but with how long-winded I can be <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> , who knows).

Lov and Peace in Christ,
ttsmm

<small>[ January 26, 2004, 07:42 AM: Message edited by: tryingTOsaveMYmarriage ]</small>

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TTSMM,

Yike! Sorry I didn't reply to the posting before. You were (and are) certainly in my prayers.

God talks to us in some odd ways doesn't he. Yesterday, my wife was looking for a book with prayers and readings for the whole year. In the bookshop, I found one that was exactly what she wanted. The foreword was by a gentleman who writes his full name *exactly* the same as me. My W asked where I had found it. I showed her. Then she noticed that the book beside the copies of the one I had selected had *her* name on it (and the way she spells her name is sufficiently uncommon that people often spell it incorrectly). We just said "OK, God... We get it," and bought the book.

Anyway, to respond to your posting, I think the idea of getting a Christian lawyer is a great one. While I cannot recommend any, I know that most parishes have one or more leagle eagles worshiping there. Have you considered seeing if your local priest can recommend anyone?

Hope this week finds things going better for you.

Richard

Lord,
Please guide TTSMM through this difficult time. Help him to find someone who will give him the advice you need him to hear. May he, and his W, find a way to reconnect, and live in the way you have chosen for them.
Amen