Hi,

When my first H cheated in the late 80's, we both agreed that the *only* thing that saved our marriage was God. We hadn't heard of MB, or Plan A, B, the 4 Agreements or the POJA. We struggled, BIG TIME.

I had a hard time forgiving, and he was not very forthcoming with information or willing to do what I needed to heal. But know what? We healed ANYway!

So don't despair, even if your H goes in little tiny baby steps, healing is possible!

I'm happy for your progress... always nice to see restoration.

Oh, and singleguy, I am on at 1,2 or 3 am because that's when my husband works... until I find work, I am on his schedule. Yicky, but true.

<small>[ February 28, 2004, 12:06 AM: Message edited by: new_beginning ]</small>

OK! OK! I have learned my lesson!!! No more will I wonder or ask why people post at the times they do!!! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> Geees!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Henceforth I shall not pontificate or reason why, mine is just to do or die!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> {I'd still like to know what that word means!} But if you should ever get the idea that you can change me!!!, buyer beware! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

You fantastic folks have a wonderful and God Blessed Day!!!

sg <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Well, I let my H read down through this post so I won't be keeping anything from him. He seemed to understand where the gentlemen were coming from, but of course, he sided with FaithfulWife. He intends on showing me day-to-day what I mean to him. Needless to say, after a wonderful, loving weekend, and a very long talk on Sat night, I have decided to not push the issue with the NC letter. I will observe his day-to-day actions & weigh the situation that way. I guess I was thinking that I had to follow the MB program to the letter (no pun intended <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ) if there was any chance of healing. I had to remember that God's way isn't necessarily man's way & Dr. Harley, although I believe very helpful, is not God. His opinion is simply an opinion, a man's opinion. I had prayed for God to lead my H home, I had prayed for love to be restored, and after observing my H's actions this past weekend, I know we're going to be okay with time.

My H finally expressed to me all of his thoughts that he was thinking, feelings he was feeling during our separation. NOt surprisingly, God was really at work, more than I knew. Funny how that works, isn't it? Happy to report that H has committed himself to a new, fresh M, not re-committed mind you, because that would take us back to where we were before. But we both have committed ourselves to each other, to a new, fun, fresh relationship, getting to know each other in the new ways we both have developed.

God, please guide us on this new journey. Help us renew our love for one another, never losing sight of our one true love, You. Thank you for bringing us closer together this weekend and giving us a chance to show our children what true committment is about. Thank you for always being there to weather the storm, never letting go, giving up or giving in. In all of this, I praise Your name. Amen and Amen!

FYI, I've changed my screenname on MB to reflect my current situation so you know it's little ole' me posting still but under a different name. Have a God-filled day! Blessings to all of you!

YEA YVETTE!!!!!

You have been blessed! Yes, it doesn't matter what we have given you for advice. The important thing is that you have GOD in charge, and that the two of you are obedient to His word. If there is no need for the letter, than so be it! Thanks for posting your praise report for us to share in. You and your hubby will be blessed for being obedient, and for sharing, which is also ministering. God Bless the two of you!!!

sg

The new name suits you.
May God continue to bless you and your husband's new committed marriage.

God's Grace,
ttsmm

Hee hee, I was totally confused with the new name. Man, oh man... I'm sooooo easy. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />

Best wishes on the continued healing of your marriage and your life. Love the updates, and so neat that you brought your H and let him read the responses...

I truly believe that God can and does heal... sometimes even in spite of ourselves. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thanks for all the encouragement folks. I never realized something until today and that's that I haven't really forgiven him for everything that happened. Although I said I did (& I really thought I did), I'm finding that I keep bringing it up (him leaving, OW, etc.) and this could very well kill restoration! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I have to pray daily for this ability. When he was away, it was easy to say I forgive you, but now that he's back, I can feel resentment setting in and this must stop before it kills what's been started. Could use your prayers on this one guys. Thanks.

Yvette,

What I'm going to share with you is fairly personal and still hurts me a lot, so be gentle! I must admit that I too struggle with forgiving and LETTING IT GO. My exH was very, very harmful to me by being abusive and having several affairs. He did things to me and to our kids that are very hard to forgive, and frankly impossible to forget. More than once, he just "disappeared" for 6-9 months to be with one of his OW--we had no support, no money, no job, and I had to somewho take care of it all on my own. I'm telling you--in some ways if I were to tell you the whole story, it would be horrifying.

What I find is that my exH has not really used words to apologize or admit he was wrong, but sometimes his actions indicate that he knows what he did hurt me...or that the choices he made were not the wisest (although he's unwilling to change or stop). So, for my own sanity and peace, I basically decided to forgive him even if his words did not take responsibility, offer empathy, etc. In other words, he never asked for it, but I made a decision to forgive anyway. However, what happens for me is that when something in the present happens or is said, it somewhat triggers a memory or a feeling from the past, and it re-wounds me and I end up feeling all angry and resentful all over again.

I'm sorry. This is not my best moment as a human being, but it's the truth.

The way I deal with this "flashback" feeling of resentment is:

1)Acknowledge it's there, but don't dwell on it. For example, I may feel all hurt and angry, so I say to myself, "I feel hurt and angry right now and about 90% of that is a flashback." Don't pretend you don't feel that way, because then you're stuffing.

2) Recognize that it's a flashback, and do what I need to do to be in the present, not in the past. Sometimes, I need to be very tactile to be in the present, like playing in the snow, touching a leaf, playing with my puppy--something that is VERY present. This will get you out of the past.

3) Deal with it. For example, I feel hurt and angry (which is kind of all swirled-up and painful feeling inside), so I take a moment and do or say nothing until I figure out WHAT the problem is and WHAT I need to say (if anything.) I try to use a format like "When you...I think...I feel...so I'd like to request..." Today I used this very technique with my son: "When you blow off our plans to go spend the weekend with your dad, I think "its so unfair!", and I feel abandoned and hurt and unimportant, so I'd like to request that we spend some time tonight hanging out and talking a little." When you can narrow down the problem to about one sentence, and what you need to one sentence, then you have it figured out.

4) DECIDE to forgive. Like love, forgiveness is a decision that we can make daily. Make a decision in your head to forgive, and then give it to God and LET IT GO.

Now, Yvette, these are some tools that can help you deal with this, but here are a few other thoughts:

Remember that the resentment and hurt are YOURS, not his. Take responsibility and be courageous enough to face yourself, okay?

Next, give him the opportunity to be there for you. When you keep these feelings to yourself and pretend you don't feel them and hide them from him, what you're basically saying is that you don't believe he can support you and encourage you. Please do not pass by this opportunity to let him encourage you. Have some faith in him that he will understand and respond gently. Now I'm not advocating, "You cheated on me you liar! You hurt me!" (HUGE LB)--but rather "I am struggling with some resentment. I thought I had forgiven you, but I guess if I was honest, I still feel pretty hurt."

Don't hold it over his head forever. This isn't something that can be overcome quickly, but if you can see a light at the end of the tunnel, and the light is getting closer, let him see the light with you. He will appreciate knowing that one day it will be forgiven...maybe just occassional flare-ups now and then on the way.

The best thing I've done to nurture a forgiving attitude is to look at my exH through God's eyes. My exH may have hurt me, but he is still a precious child of God, whom God longs to have a relationship with. No matter what my exH did, he has been redeemed at an awful price, and He is already the righteousness of Christ if he would only accept it. He is beloved of God--valuable enough that God would sacrifice to make a Way for him. So...if this is who my exH is in God's eyes, then who am I to look at him as anything else? He is dearly beloved, the apple of God's eye, the valuable son worth dying for...and I really can do nothing less than forgive him.

Yep, Yvette, your hubby is the dearly beloved joy of God's heart--worth suffering for, worth waiting for, worth dying for. He is valuable beyond description. Let's face it...when we have a flashback, it's our issue, not theirs.


CJ

Thanks for posting this, Faithful. This is exactly what I needed to hear! This post has so much insight - I need to respond to every part of it, but I don't have time right now. Check back later cause I need to tell you what I've learned & what I have been doing up until this point. Thanks for your wise words!!! That's why we love ya!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Faithfulwife,

Your advice is so wise that I almost hate to insert anything. I will at least try to stay in the flow of your wisdom.

I have heard people say that they can forgive, but they can't forget. That's not really true! I know we will never forget totally, but how we deal with those thoughts is critical. The pointers you gave were excellent. I just wanted to expound on a few things, more so to just add my flavoring. Forgiveness is an act of the will. If we will be obedient and speak the words of forgiveness out of our own will, then God will help us with the emotions to make it real. Yes, we can say forgiving is a choice, but if we are a Christian, then it really isn't!!! And then we must put the memories in their proper perspective. We do have a memory and will remember a lot of things, good and bad. The key is that we deal with the bad memories properly. We must control them!!! As you said Faithful, those "thoughts" will pop up from time to time. You gave the perfect advice on how to deal with them. It's so important take control and diminish them to their proper place. Those thoughts are [at least should be], under the blood of Jesus. So when they do come up, we can quickly say, "No, thoughts, you are not going to torment me today. I control you, you do not control me. I have forgiven these things". This will only happen if we have TRULY forgiven! And I understand that sometimes this is very hard to do. But it will if we will LET it!!! John Hagee says that if we have one ounce of Jesus in us, we will forgive..... then we will forget. We need to get that deep into our spirit!!!

Yvette,

What I must compliment you on is your desire to "fix" things that need fixin!!! You want what God had planned for your marrriage all along. To see all your dreams come true! And well you should. In the name of Jesus, may they! You need to know that everyone here wants to see that happen for you as well!!! We all love you! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God Bless Yvette
sg

<small>[ March 02, 2004, 01:39 PM: Message edited by: singleguy ]</small>

Okay Faithful, I am seeing if I'm hearing you correctly. Kind of like a mirroring exercise - here we go!

1)Acknowledge it's there, but don't dwell on it. For example, I may feel all hurt and angry, so I say to myself, "I feel hurt and angry right now and about 90% of that is a flashback." Don't pretend you don't feel that way, because then you're stuffing. I have to find the strength to do this. I have to keep telling myself, Self, stop dwelling on this. It happened. You survived, WE survived. It's time to move forward!

2) Recognize that it's a flashback, and do what I need to do to be in the present, not in the past. Sometimes, I need to be very tactile to be in the present, like playing in the snow, touching a leaf, playing with my puppy--something that is VERY present. This will get you out of the past. When I feel like this, I have to concentrate on the present. When I was feeling this way all day Saturday, the thing I should have been focusing on was what a good time my H & I were having AT THE MOMENT. Each day is a stepping stone and I must enjoy every minute of it!

3) Deal with it. For example, I feel hurt and angry (which is kind of all swirled-up and painful feeling inside), so I take a moment and do or say nothing until I figure out WHAT the problem is and WHAT I need to say (if anything.) I try to use a format like "When you...I think...I feel...so I'd like to request..." Today I used this very technique with my son: "When you blow off our plans to go spend the weekend with your dad, I think "its so unfair!", and I feel abandoned and hurt and unimportant, so I'd like to request that we spend some time tonight hanging out and talking a little." When you can narrow down the problem to about one sentence, and what you need to one sentence, then you have it figured out. "When you say things like, You have to trust me, I think, I DID trust you, especially when you told me you loved me, and I feel very angry that you lied to me, so I'd like you to say things like, I will try to do whatever it takes for you to trust me again." How's that??

4) DECIDE to forgive. Like love, forgiveness is a decision that we can make daily. Make a decision in your head to forgive, and then give it to God and LET IT GO. Each time I feel this way, I must tell myself, I have already forgiven him for this, it's time to move on to the future. Put the past behind me.

Remember that the resentment and hurt are YOURS, not his. Take responsibility and be courageous enough to face yourself, okay? I know this. I have to stop blaming him, playing the blame game. I must take responsibility for my own thoughts & feelings and quit blaming him for them.

Next, give him the opportunity to be there for you. When you keep these feelings to yourself and pretend you don't feel them and hide them from him, what you're basically saying is that you don't believe he can support you and encourage you. Please do not pass by this opportunity to let him encourage you. Have some faith in him that he will understand and respond gently. Now I'm not advocating, "You cheated on me you liar! You hurt me!" (HUGE LB)--but rather "I am struggling with some resentment. I thought I had forgiven you, but I guess if I was honest, I still feel pretty hurt." This is what he tried to do Saturday night. I kept these feelings to myself all day and when he finally wanted to know, pushed to know what I was feeling, he didn't know what to say to comfort me, but instead, he offered hope for the future and a committment that he would try his best to make this M something special. I have to admire him for that instead of condemn him for what has happened.

Don't hold it over his head forever. I have a tendency to do this, so this is something I MUST work on, most definitely.

your hubby is the dearly beloved joy of God's heart--worth suffering for, worth waiting for, worth dying for. He is valuable beyond description. I know this all too well. He is one of God's most precious gifts and I love him just as he is, as God loves him. He is special.

Single,
Thanks so much for the compliment. I accept it graciously and humbly. I'm just trying to move forward as pain-free as possible, learning while I'm doing it.

Thank you so much for the encouragement. On the good side, pool table was delivered & installed & we're on the way to enjoying some relaxful times, RC times together in our own home. This is going to be fun! Anyone want to join a "pool" party???

My son's youth group is going to a lock-in/famine tonight at another church from 11 pm to 5 am. Could you lift these kids up in prayer so they have a blessed evening and get a glimpse of what it really means to live hungry for 30 hours? Thanks.

Lord,

Please bless these children this evening coming to fellowship in Your name. Allow them to enjoy themselves with the games, commune with one another, enjoying the environment that You created for them. May they also learn what it means to be one of the poor in spirit, to be one of the hungry, longing for You to fill their bellies instead of food. May they have an uplifting experience, an eye-opening experience as they draw closer to You these next hours. Please bring every child home safe & sound tomorrow, sharing what they have learned with others around them. All this I ask in Jesus' name, Amen.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by StandingTogether:
<strong> CJ: 1)Acknowledge it's there, but don't dwell on it. YVETTE: I have to find the strength to do this. I have to keep telling myself, Self, stop dwelling on this. It happened. You survived, WE survived. It's time to move forward!</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmm...Kind of. Yvette, this is a fine line and it's hard to put it into words. If you actually feel shook up or flashback, it is healthy to say to yourself or your H, "I feel shook up because of a trigger thing, but I realize that's what it is and I'm the one who needs to deal with it." See, if you tell yourself to just stop it without some acknowledgement that it's there, it would be like stuffing it--and then it will explode out! OTOH, if you recognize your feelings and deal with them appropriately, then it's pretty healthy for you and for him--it's honest and open.

Here's a good tool for this: "When...I think...I feel...so..." When I smelled the perfume that the OW used to wear, I thought "OMG she's still in his life!" and I felt sick to my stomach and panicked and betrayed all over again, so to help me calm down and get back to the present could you please hug me for a minute and tell me you pick me over her??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>CJ: 2) Recognize that it's a flashback, and do what I need to do to be in the present... Sometimes, I need to be very tactile to be in the present...This will get you out of the past. YVETTE: When I feel like this, I have to concentrate on the present. When I was feeling this way all day Saturday, the thing I should have been focusing on was what a good time my H & I were having AT THE MOMENT. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Once again, kind of yes. When you were feeling all "in the past" on that Saturday, there isn't really a Should that you Should have been doing. It's just that if you recognize your feeling as a flashback, find what helps bring you into the present and do that thing.

You know, Yvette, people's bodies can be here in the present, but if your mind is constantly dwelling on the past and kind of living and reliving the past, then you are not in the present! For me, one of the things that helps me calm down from a flashback is being very aware of my senses in the present. For example, I play with my puppy and concentrate on the senses of that: how cute and funny he looks, how "doggy" he smells, the way he sounds with his yips and barks, how his tongue feels when he licks me...and this gets me out of the past and into the present.

Just recently I had a chance to practice this. My son and I had plans, and at the last minute he called me to blow off our plans so he could go with his dad to Hooters. Now, I flipped out because Hooters is a sportsbar place with girls with theit hooters hanging out, and my exH used to go there to flirt with OW while we were married. I immediately went into a downward spiral of "All you're going to do is oogle women and be taught to be a sex addict, and looking at women as sex objects leads to destroying lives, and..." About there, I stopped. My son was not destroying lives. My whole feeling was a reaction to the past that probably wasn't quite healed--okay isn't quite healed! Anyway, I got out of the past, realized I was hurt about being blown off, and then had a mildly good talk with him about the topic: women as sex objects. It was good.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> CJ:3) Deal with it. For example, I feel hurt and angry ...so I take a moment and do or say nothing until I figure out WHAT the problem is and WHAT I need to say...YVETTE: "When you say things like, You have to trust me, I think, I DID trust you, especially when you told me you loved me, and I feel very angry that you lied to me, so I'd like you to say things like, I will try to do whatever it takes for you to trust me again." How's that?? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good. I like it. It is honest and it stuck to the WTFS format (When--Think--Feel--So). Want to try another one??

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>CJ:4) DECIDE to forgive. Like love, forgiveness is a decision that we can make daily. Make a decision in your head to forgive, and then give it to God and LET IT GO. YVETTE: Each time I feel this way, I must tell myself, I have already forgiven him for this, it's time to move on to the future. Put the past behind me.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Hmmm...not quite. This is not so much a "I must" as making a choice in your head...in yourself to be a forgiving person and let it go. Let's be honest, Yvette, when you feel this way and you're angry because he betrayed you, it's not going to work to tell yourself "I already forgave him for this--put it behind me." It's more like when you feel the feeling starting to come on, you hit a fork in the road. To one side is the "let it go" choice and to the other side is the "relive it" choice. You get to decide. See, lovely, he may be forgiven, but he still has to live with the consequences of his betrayal, and one of the consequences is that you struggle with fear. But do you know how, every day, you can make the decision to love him or harden your heart? Yep, forgiveness is the same way. You can let it go and say "he made a mistake and I'm going to just get past this one" or you can say "he made a mistake and I'm going to relive it and reopen the wound." Frankly, my exH did me wrong in many major ways, and you know what? I forgave him. Did I forget? NO. Do I have feelings and fears and repercussions from what I went through? YES. But I don't want to be a person who holds a grudge forever, so I'm just not.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> CJ: Remember that the resentment and hurt are YOURS, not his. Take responsibility and be courageous enough to face yourself, okay? YVETTE: I know this. I have to stop blaming him, playing the blame game. I must take responsibility for my own thoughts & feelings and quit blaming him for them.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Okay, then--good job. I leave this between you and your hubby and God. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> CJ:]Next, give him the opportunity to be there for you. ...Please do not pass by this opportunity to let him encourage you. Have some faith in him ... YVETTE: This is what he tried to do Saturday night. I kept these feelings to myself all day and when he finally wanted to know... he didn't know what to say to comfort me, but instead, he offered hope for the future and a committment that he would try his best to make this M something special. I have to admire him for that instead of condemn him for what has happened. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep. Remember that guys very rarely know what to say to comfort us, even though they want to very much. Let him off the hook and either TELL him what to say or show him what to do or something. Also, you pointed out yourself that you were stuck in a flashback from the past, and he did try to bring you into the present (he was there WITH YOU) and your future together. Yvette, since he has never been a BS he may never understand how you feel, but if he's that kind of guy, give him the positive faith in him that he can be there for you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> CJ: Don't hold it over his head forever.YVETTE: I have a tendency to do this, so this is something I MUST work on, most definitely. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yep, this is something you'll have to work on, but cut yourself a little slack too. You're doing a good job and you are willing to forgive him, so that's very positive.


CJ

<small>[ March 08, 2004, 02:49 AM: Message edited by: FaithfulWife ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> See, if you tell yourself to just stop it without some acknowledgement that it's there, it would be like stuffing it--and then it will explode out! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And this is exactly what I have been & still are doing. I just like to put it out of my mind and then when I can't take it anymore, I explode! This was a serious problem for my H. He specifically stated that he will no longer tolerate it this time around. Usually because all of my anger/hurt/frustration, whatever, was directed toward him without me meaning to.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good. I like it. It is honest and it stuck to the WTFS format (When--Think--Feel--So). Want to try another one??
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">When you do not feel guilty about the A you had, I think that I really didn't mean that much to you, that God doesn't mean anything to you, and this makes me feel very sad. So I ask that you pray about this & ask God to show you why you don't feel remorse. Maybe He can show you something that you've been missing.

I know, I know, I probably messed that all up, didn't I? It takes a while to get used to this!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But do you know how, every day, you can make the decision to love him or harden your heart? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I make the decision to continue to love him, regardless of what he's done or said. I refuse to let my heart be hardened because of his actions/words. He's not going to turn me into an angry, bitter woman! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> You're doing a good job and you are willing to forgive him, so that's very positive. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">PHEW!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> I keep thinking that I'm the one who's not going to allow restoration to happen with something I might say or do to cause him to walk out the door again! I feel like I have to be on guard all the time instead of letting myself be free.

One thing I have taken notice of -- Paul was so right when he said that for married couples it's harder to concentrate on God because now that he's home, I find myself wanting to be with him instead of being in the Word or being at a church function (he's not ready to go back to church quite yet). When he wasn't around, I was in the Word every day and praying all the time. Now, that's slacking! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I'm going to have to discipline myself to be in the Word daily and I do pray before I go to bed (he's still up watching tv after work). Of course, I have the time while he's at work at night DUH! What is wrong with me? Why can't I discipline myself to just do it like I was??? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Yvette,
As Faithful said, "Cut yourself some slack." I can smell the wood burning from here from all the thoughts going through your mind in overdrive. Be present with him (your H) and find those moments to be present with Him (your Lord and Savior). God sees what is in the heart and "knows" your intentions. If you slip up, He knows if it was sintentional or not (typo, but I think it is appropriate - sintentional).

Right now I am beating myself up, horrific day, because I have been saying a prayer, "Jesus, I trust in You." everyday at 3:00 pm - "My Jesus, I trust in You. Please draw Marie to Yourself, so she will believe and be saved." I was taught that if you say that prayer everyday at 3:00 pm (when Christ died) for a month, your prayer would be answered (it has worked in the past). I went 18 days, and today I was miserable in the car on the way home from work, and I forgot to say it untlil 3:10 pm. I think I have to start all over again. This is my maticulous, analytical (where are you sg? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ) thinking.

Thanks ST. By speaking this to you, I think God knows what was in my heart, and that I wanted to say this at 3:00 pm. But, at the same time, my thoughts weren't on saying this prayer beacuse I was too jealous (envy and covetedness) at my supervisor for all the attention he got at work while my accomplishments go unrecognized.

See, I'm being analytical again. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Keep up the God work, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> ,
ttsmm

Help! I really feel an attack from Satan coming on! I am very anxious and started a fight with H last night! <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> I told him he shouldn't be there if he didn't love me, and he was going to pack his bags! Please Lord, don't let me blow this! Please Lord, give me the proper words to speak, walking in your way, allowing you to lead me onward! Rebuke and bind Satan in the name of the blood of Jesus Christ! Please Lord, descend your H.S. upon me & let me be of a gentle & quiet spirit, slow to speak & quick to listen! Please help me to remember to pray first before I open my mouth! When I'm feeling anxious and scared of the future, please help me to remember to trust in You for You make all things new. As long as I trust in You Lord, You will guide me every step of the way. Thank you Lord for being so patient with me. Thank you Lord for showing me what I needed to see in order to become the person I was created to be. Thank you Lord for being on my side every day, showering me with your love & affection, showing me I'm special & loved by You. Thank you Lord. Amen.

Yvette, Dear Sister,
Continue to pray for God's guidance and to bind Satan from your heart and mind. There is so much promise here. I don't have any words for you but these. This is from "The Power of Praying Husband" Chapter 1 - Her Husband.

Give me words that heal, not wound. Fill my heart with Your love so that what overflows through my speech will be words that build up, not tear down.

I will keep you in my prayers.

Peace, and God's Guidance and Will,
ttsmm

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Give me words that heal, not wound. Fill my heart with Your love so that what overflows through my speech will be words that build up, not tear down.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is what I'm trying to do. I guess I was a lot more angry and hurt than I realized. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Thanks Trying.

Okay guys,

We've hit a snag. Seems some of my family is not too happy that we have reconciled. I guess in their minds I should have moved on with my life and he wasn't deserving of being forgiven. Well, what about MY flaws? Doesn't seem they think about that. What about the things I did to cause the marriage to sour? I know it's hard to see when one of your family members makes a mistake, but this M was 50/50 and I did cause part of this breakup. Why can't they just be happy for us? My mom and dad stayed together for 27 years until he passed away (God rest his soul) and my mother's very proud of that, but their relationship was VERY rocky. They weren't even on speaking terms the last couple of years before he died. How can she honestly look at my H & judge him? He is willing to try to make this M work, something my father refused to do. He would rather have had it that they not speak. What worked for them doesn't necessarily work for me! My sister is also placing a lot of criticism on my H because she never did those things to her partner. Well, doesn't everyone have their own issues that they need to deal with? Doesn't everyone have their own sins to be forgiven for? Why is everyone so quick to judge someone else but can't "remove the plank from their own eye"? She isn't a saint, by all means. No one is.

I just don't want to create tension when we have family gatherings. I feel like just moving away with my H & my kids and starting over somewhere else, just us. I mean, family means the world to me, but I don't know if I can handle them treating him with disrespect when they're in his presence or any other time for that matter. This is the man I married, the man I love, and I want people's support that we're trying to gain back the love we once had, not criticism. I have had to endure a lot during this whole mess; I don't need their criticism on top of it.

Anyway, thanks for letting me vent. If I'm missing something, please show me, somebody!