First and foremost...Dazed...I truly apologize to you for what I posted. It was entirely uncalled for to post a public topic like that aimed at being rude to you. I also realize that you were expecting to have only Nicole read it. You are right (at times) I am a moron. You are a wife that is responding to your feelings about my actions toward my wife. I think that I have been looking for an acceptance of the fact that I do love Chrissie (please don't respond negatively to that). I think that I wanted you all to see that, so maybe you would understand how hard it is to give up a true love. I am already aware that you all know how hard this is going to be for me. I also do understand how hard it is on my wife. What is important to me is that you all understand that I love her, and I want to try as many times as it is necessary to make things right. I also am smart enough to see that there may be times that I trip. I'm gonna do my best to get up and brush myself off and try again. I hope that Nicole doesn't get tired of my being all muddy. I am not saying that I am looking for an excuse to do wrong, but I acknowledge the possibilty. I am just a guy, not a SUPERGUY. I will end this post by saying...once again that I am sorry to you Dazed. I had no right to speak(type) to you like that. Feel free to post a reply to myself or my wife anytime. I might need a little bit of anesthetic afterwards though. You guys are ALL great ( tough sometimes...but great).<P>------------------<BR>We stumble and fall sometimes, and that hurts. But it is the most incredible realization when you look and see that it was your spouse that picked you back up......<P>Take care of and Love each other.....Arik<P>

That's the spirit, Arik!<P>You can do this, you know... you really can - it's not gonna be easy, but as long as you are TRYING HARD we are here to support you.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<BR>

Amen!!!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

That's the spirit!!<P>Getting stronger every minute, aren't you? Keep trying your best, Arik, that's all anyone can ask. <P>Lori

Back to the top again...Dazed I hope you read this.<P>------------------<BR>We stumble and fall sometimes, and that hurts. But it is the most incredible realization when you look and see that it was your spouse that picked you back up......<P>Take care of and Love each other.....Arik<P>

Arik...<P>I told you, you were loved... <B><I>tough</I></B> loved...<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Without total separation, marital recovery is almost impossible... An affair is a very powerful addiction. (page 56 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"</A><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Hang in there...<P>That's why you were sent the police, rescue workers and a helicopter too! <P>Jim

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I think that I have been looking for an acceptance of the fact that I do love Chrissie<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>We'll help you deal with the withdrawal, but I don't think you'll find acceptance for that here. This is Marriage BUILDERS. And your Marriage is to Nicole.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR> I think that I wanted you all to see that, so maybe you would understand how hard it is to give up a true love. I am already aware that you all know how hard this is going to be for me.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Many of us here have lived that, and come out the other side knowing it <B>wasn't</B> "true love." Believe me… I understand exactly how hard it is. You may NOT believe it, but a year from now, when you are trying to help someone else see the error of their ways, you'll know you weren't the first to feel this way. Unfortunately, you won't be the last, either. <BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

To the top!!!!<P>------------------<BR>We stumble and fall sometimes, and that hurts. But it is the most incredible realization when you look and see that it was your spouse that picked you back up......<P>Take care of and Love each other.....Arik<P><BR>

Hey there Arik,<P>Me again. I do empathise with you, I really do. Please accept, I have BEEN where you are right now. And so has my wife. Geez Arik, she alllllmost dumped me YEARS ago because she felt I wasn't her "soulmate". Yeah, and as difficult as things can be sometimes, she's soooo glad she didn't (and I am too!). Anyhoo, don't believe me? Ask her!<P>What you're experiencing is part of the whole infidelity fantasy. You got it bad, man! And withdrawal sucks! Gawwwd, could I tell you stories! LOL<P>And I don't mean to deny your feelings or make light of them. Certainly those feelings are real. Having said that, I'm sure it's hard for you to imagine that those feelings could be temporary. <P>It's hard to accept that those all-too-real feelings could not be about "love" but about infatuation with WHAT it feels like, not WHOM it's for.<P>See, in a way, this is like a reformed addicts group. There's AA, there's OA, there's GA....we're IA. LOL.<P>Food for thought, eh? (c'mon ya gotta laugh too!)<P>Dunc

Ya know....You guys are right. I gotta laugh more. Ha ha..he he..hoo hoo. Hmmm.. still feels bad, but now I look more like a goof. I am gonna try, and try , and try , and try again if necessary. How is it that all of you care so much? Why are we ,as people, so concerned that we are all okay? What is it about "shared experiences" that makes us so bloody willing to go out on a limb for those we don't even know? I have shown you guys the good and the bad in me, and yet you still seem to come back with loving responses. What a world we live in( though I must say I am grateful for all of it). All of you, please know that I am only human and I am very new to any of these feelings of withdrawal, pain, guilt, loss, fear, pain, pain, pain, pain etc. Thanx so much for takin' care of me and my wife. Thanx so much for being honest when I am a jerk. When I am a moron( eh, Dazed) and when I am loving as well. We really do need this site to help us. Isn't it obvious by the number of times we post? Who knew there were so many people affected by the same things that we as betrayers and betrayeds are. I hope that each and every one of us finds the redemption that we seek. C-ya for now.

Arik:<P>Keep focusing on the GOAL here. The fact that you realized the mistake of your post to D&C so quickly is proof that you're getting in touch with "what's right."<P>I know this is hard for you . . . harder than it was for my W to give up <I>her</I> OM. She never claimed to love him. When it's "love" it seems so much harder.<P>I just have to bring up ONE thing from your initial post on this thread:<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>I am just a guy, not a SUPERGUY.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Don't settle for being "just a guy." Be a <I>man</I>.<P>I'm pullin' for ya! <P>------------------<BR>/// Lone Star * ///<P>

Hi, Arik - you sound a wee bit better.<P>Wonderful thing about human beings, huh? The depth of emotions - including compassion.<P>We all feel free to show our emotions here, at least I do. That's the greatest thing about it. That, and knowing we will get our hand slapped when we get outta line!!<P>You keep on trying, friend. You're gonna be ok. If not, well, there's always us!!!!!<P>Hang in there.<P>Lori

Arik...<P>You say... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>How is it that all of you care so much?<HR></BLOCKQUOTE>... here is my personal answer...<P>I've answered you morally, ethically and even religiously... but that is <B>not</B> all there is to my replies...<P>My beloved wife is <B>in an addition like yours</B>... maybe a even a few steps behind... <P><B>She</B> won't let me say these words I've said/written to you... <BR><B>She</B> just cusses me out... when in private... <BR><B>She</B> allows the OM to cuss me out... when in public... <BR><B>She</B> won't speak face-to-face to me even when the kids are around... staring into space as I try to gaze into her eyes again... <BR><B>She</B> waits to hang up on me as soon as she finishes talking to the last kid on the phone... <BR><B>She</B> only wants to discuss the "money" <B>due</B> her... <BR><B>She</B> flaunts her OM in my face with impunity... <BR><B>She</B> discards all my e-mails... every last one... <P><B>You</B>... I can send my messages to vicariously...<BR>Messages she will never get...<BR>Messages that will not touch what's left of her heart...<BR>Messages her ears will never hear...<BR>Messages her eyes will never see...<BR>Damn... I'm greedy too... <P>I care for you... <I>in my greed</I>... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR>and what else is true...<BR>I care for you... where there is a whole in my heart... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR>I'm not ashamed of it... you need it... I need it...<BR>God has made our paths cross for a reason.<BR>In time... they will uncross... and we will be the better for it... seeing a little of Him in everyone on this forum. He is <B>not</B> invisible... or intangible...<P>Thank you for being my sounding board... [img]http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/images/icons/smile.gif[/img]<BR>Don't leave us... OK!<BR>Don't leave Nicole... <B>OK</B>!<P>Jim<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited November 26, 1999).]

Arik, we care because we know so well what it is to go through the pain of this lousy situation - some of us from Nicole's side and some from yours. I don't know if you've read any of my profile or my posts, but I've been here for over a year, myself. And my husband is in a continuing affair - lives with the slug (sorry, but that's what she really truly reminds me of). I still love him more than anything, and it hurts like you-know-what whenever I think about it.<P>If I can help <B>anyone</B> avoid or at least get through this crummy roller coaster ride, it helps me heal a little, too. And it keeps me hopeful that my husband will see the light one day very soon... So let me keep my faith in humankind - work hard on your marriage. I want to see your name in a list of MB success stories, okay?<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<BR>

Geez, Arik.<P>I am not a good one for responding to posts, I get a little too "emotional" because I was where you were 3 years ago. So, you could fast forward and possibly see where you could be?<P>To be honest, my first reaction at how you have responded to others here was anger. But I have a lot of that after reading about infidelity in general. It made such a mess out of my own life that I sometimes lash out. It's a sad place to be in my friend. You actually believe that you love someone else, and you've got a wonderful wife that is actuallY STICKING this out with you. What if she said, "buddy, I'm gone, out of here..!"<P>What would you do, be relieved, what?<P>You need to re-evaluate where you are. You have your wife doing everything for you while you play and think you love someone else. I thought I loved this girl, but when my true love split, what a hole it left. <P>I'm holding my tongue (fingers?) here. You seem to not like any constructive criticism, but you need it. Slam me away, I've been there. You need to be slammed, IMO. And I don't care who says, "You just need to treat him with kindness", because being slammed was the only way I WOKE UP. I care about people A LOT, and I don't like seeing people hurt, namely your wife right now from what I've read. I've been there.

Arik,<BR>You are going to get past all of this. You will. So will your wife. <P>And what you learn through this, not just you - but Nicole - too, will make your marriage more fulfilling and happy.<P>I can just about guarantee that if you both put your heart and soul into this marriage, AND do the Harley concepts, AND say lots of prayers to help your marriage heal - you WILL have all the feelings for your wife that your need to feel. Feelings of love, that are greater and more deeper and satisfying than any feelings you felt with Chrissie.<P>Go back and read basic concepts again, and get Surviving an Affair. If you keep a journal, you will soon see that you are postponing your happiness everytime you settle for the short lived pleasure of contact with Chrissie. <P>You will have a better pleasure with Nicole, when she starts meeting your needs the way you need to have them met.<P>What are some of your emotional needs? Have you taken the quiz? <P>You hang in there. We do care for you. And there are many of us saying prayers for you. <P>You WILL get beyond this time in your life, and come out stronger from it, I promise.<P>TNT

2S-I think you've gotten some pretty sound advice and are still wondering who these people are that are walking out of the woodwork-we are people who've been there, on both sides of the pain and conflict, most betrayers go through a very selfish (for lack of a better word) time where they can't understand what it's like to be a real and caring person who doesn't want to see the type of pain that most people go through, so they do everything they can to make people wake up before things go too bad.<BR>You don't realize what you do have in Nicole, I think she is a strong woman who is more than worthy of the proper attention you should be giving her. She's admitted that she had some problems, now you need to admit that you've hurt her harder than she could ever bear to hurt you. That's going to be a really hard thing for you to do. You may think you've already admitted it but you haven't, if you had you would do the right thing, not be a super guy, but a man who is rightous and ready to right the wrong he had done.<BR>She's still there, plugging away at your marriage and your still dreaming of being a mormon or something, to have your cake and your pie at the same time. It doesn't work, causes stomache aches and trouble. <BR>Work on your marriage, the one you made in covenant with God that you would join with this woman and be faithful to her, yourself and God's ways with. I know, it sounds simple, is really hard and you need support. You have it, not only with us at MB but with Nicole, who is waiting and willing to work things out!<BR>God Bless You! <P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>