Hi All,

I need your opinions on this and please just give it to me straight.

little background:

Sunday night W infromed me that she had files for the D.

Monday I decided to pick up my daughter from Pre-K and tried to prepare her for what might be coming up. D (4 yr) was really upset so I stopped. When I got home informed W of what happened so she decided to try and talk to D. As she was trying to talk to D. I got very emotional and D started to get upset again so we stopped. Took D and S out for a walk came back and my wife looked like she was dazed, so I asked her if she is ok with the decision and to my suppirsed she said "NO". I told her there are other alternatives and she seems to be interested in but did not say yes or no to any of them.

Tuesday she was back to herself, cold and distant so I knew whatever it was the she felt on Monday was short lived. Talked my lawyer.

Wednesday, I decided to make a call the the local divorcecare group for some information that I might need in the near future. Did not get the person in charge so I left a message on the voicemail.

Thursday, My daughter spent the afternoon with me in my office and I got a returned call from divorcare infromed me that there is a meeting that night between 7-9 and every thursday night same at the same time. I was hesitant in going to lastngiht's meeting because I had planned on a night of playing games with my family. I got home and there it was an envelope from my lawyer with the Divorce paperwork inside. At this point my heart jsut dropped, I knew it was coming, but still once it was in my hand I couldn't handle it. So I decided to go ahead and attend to divorce care sessions lastnight. While at the group meeting I started to feel better and got to know a person next to me who lived in the same town and are in very similar situation with me. As we were leaving he told me that everything will be alright and that things seems to happen the way it did, it might be a message from God.

I have thought about it for a little bit and I came to the conclusion that yes this could be the sign that I have been asking god for, but what does it mean? Does it mean that I shoudld continued to stand for my marriage?. If God have sent me to Dirvoce care group than should I take that as a sign that he wants me to dissolve this marraige and sent me to divorcecare to help me dealing with it? Any input are welcome and appreciated.

Hi james,

I'm new around this forum, and not as strong a Christian as others here, but I do have some thoughts.

I believe that God does indeed send signs, although we aren't always open to seeing them. It *does* sound like God sent you a sign on Monday night -- through a crack in the armour of your wifes shell.

To me, if you are truly "standing" for your marriage, maybe the Divorcecare group is something you should re-think at this time. I understand you need to protect yourself legally, which is why you have your own lawyer, but it doesn't mean you have to be happy about it. Have you ever read the story of Patty and Gavin McCloud (the Love Boat captain and his real life wife)? They had a show on TBN (may still, I don't get that station here). Her story of standing is amazing, and one worth studying. She never gave up, even after the divorce. She prayed that man home. It's a neat story.

Also, as a side note, I would not talk to your daughter without your wife at your side - if at all possible. Especially considering she seems to have a soft-spot for the pain it is causing your children.

I admit to not knowing your entire story, so if I'm out of line, please let me know.

Hi NB,

Thank you for responding to this post. you could be right about the sign on Monday, but what about the signs on Thursday? Could this mean that he wants to to stand for my marriage, but also getting some help from groups such as divorcecare to get me through this time of needs?
I know God hate divorce adn so do I. That's why I have been struggling for the last year and half trying to keep my family together. I'm so confused right now.

Anyone else have any comments are welcome.

james,

Take what I say with a grain or two of salt... I *did* divorce, and have remarried, so I am no authority on "standing"... however, I have read about it and did watch Gavin and Patty McCloud a lot. They had a great show on TBN.

On Thursday, perhaps God did have a hand in that, and maybe it is a sign, but I would prefer to see that as God giving you comfort through something you must go through.

Again, others will come by with much better advice, I am sure.

Just know you're being thought of, and prayed for today...

Hi James,

May I ask you question? ...and I ask it with all sincerity and there is an answer; so please bear with me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know God hate divorce</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why do you struggle with this, if you know God's will already?

S&C

NB,

Thank you for your prayers.

S&C
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Why do you struggle with this, if you know God's will already? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know, perhaps I'm questioning, that if he loves us so much, then why would he make us suffers so much?

James,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't know, perhaps I'm questioning, that if he loves us so much, then why would he make us suffers so much?</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But where did you learn that God makes us suffer?

S&C

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> But where did you learn that God makes us suffer? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm not sure I understand the question, but I will try and answer this the best I can. I learned that from what's going on all around us. look at what's happening all around us. All I see are people suffering from everything you can think of. Can you can tell me that there is one person on this earth that is not suffering from some form or another. Please forgive me as my faith at this time is very low.

jamesp,

You need to be very careful here with the games you are playing. I don't say that to be rude, but the bible says to guard your emotions for they are the spring of life. When you keep "analyzing", doubt and confusion enter in, and you become tossed about, like the waves of the sea, and your prayers will not be answered. I'm going to ask you some questions right now: Do you feel you and your wife were put together by God? Did you make a covenant with your wife and God ending with "till death do us part"? Do you love your wife? Unconditionally? I'm going to withhold some things until you respond. God said HE hates divorce. So far He hasn't asked me for my opinion. I doubt if He will ask you either! So if HE tells us that in His word, then I think you can get all kinds of "signs" by reading your bible. Too many people want the moon to turn to blood or something for a sign. Jesus on the cross... now there's a sign! You will know "clearly" what God wants you to do if you will just read, and pray. Your wife has "bought" a lot of lies with her heart! You are only going to win this battle by fighting in the spirit. You need to take a stance, and then stick with it. Like Charlyne at www.rejoicemin.org did. But chose and then do it!!! Either love her, or help get the divorce over with smoothly. But if your love is based on what she does, then you will always be confused and frustrated. I've been right where right where you are now, so I know your pain. But you have to be obedient to what God has already told us. You don't have to wait for a sign. Yes, you may end up divorced, for a while. But if you chose to stand, God will honor that. He DOES have a plan for YOU and YOUR marriage. What God has put together, let no man put asunder. That man is you! I urge you to stand strong. Yes satan is going to get you to doubt and wonder. He'll get you to murmur and complain, but he doesn't run the universe, God has the "JOY" stick in His hand, let Him drive!

I urge you to get away from divorcecare. Yes they are a good outfit, but You're not divorced! And if you answered those questions "YES", then you have no need for it. The reason I'm telling you these things is because you are going to hear the negatives about your marriage 100 times more than you are going to hear positives. That's why I'm trying to burn this into your memory. The bible says "the wife is a part of the husband till the day he dies". So decide who your "God" really is. The God of the bible, or what people will tell you about why you might as well accept divorce because it's inevitable! One of these will take charge of your life. You and YOU alone must decide!

God Bless James
sg

James,

Our world is full of good and evil and both have a source. You can look around you and also see much good.

But I think here what needs to be understood is who we are. We are God's creation; and His most favored one at that.

Satan however made his attempt at replacing God and was thrown from Heaven. His anger is so great for God that he sets himself to destroy everything God has created. Now, think one of the most powerful creatures ever created; spending his every minute, trying to separate God's best creation from Him. Our minds simply have a hard time conceiving how evil the Lucifer is. He will stop at nothing to make us believe God doesn't want us. He knows God won;t go against our free will. So he entices our desires with ungodly things.

He is the one who walks around like a roaring lion seeking who he can devoure. And our lives are embattled in this. But the good news is that once we recognize this battle we are born into we start to understand the mind of God. He has already won the war and the enemy is just distributing "misinformation". We see through the misinformation by a closer, more intimate walk with God.

Those who think they are far from God really aren't and those that think they are close may not be as intimate as they could really be.

The misery is spread by our enemy and he does it because he fears what we are capible of becoming we we become intimate with God. It is spread because we are special to God and he is envious.

Have faith James. Let God help you become the man you were designed to be. Be intimate with Him and watch.

Bless you.
S&C

Singleguy,

I'm not sure what you meant when you said that I'm playing games. This is not my intention to do. I have moments and days where I feel like all hopes are lost and today happen to be that day and that's why I'm here to ask questions and learn form many wised people such as yourself. God bless you.

S&C,

Thank you for clearing that up for me. You are right the suffering did not come from God but Satan himself, thank you for reminding me of this. I do have faith that God will restored my marraige and make my family whole again. I do sometimes suffer from the lost of all hope and today happen to be one of those day.

S&C,

Can you explain be intimate with him for me? how can I do that?

Thanks

James,

I knew you were going to ask that question. May I recommend a book called "The Sacred Romance" by Brent Curtis and John Eldredge. It will explain it in far better words than I can here. However!

Think about any relationship you have with anyone. Generally they will fall into four basic categories. Stranger, acquaintance, friend or intimate friend. All of these are pretty self explanitory.

A stranger you have no communiction with. An acquaintance is someone you may talk to or recognize as you pass on the street. A friend is someone which you share conversations with, but not to the point that they know your deepest thoughts and feelings.

But with an intimate friend; the two of you share all of your emotions, thoughts and feelings. You hurt when they hurt and visa-versa. You talk with them, laugh with them, sing and dance with them, tell them how important they are to you. You get the picture?

In the Bible, who do you think had an intimat relationship with God? Noah? King David? Moses? Adam and Eve? Job? In my opinion, all of them did. Why? Because they included Him in every area of their lives. How did they do this? Just ask yourself; How do we talk to God? ...appreciate God? ...listen to God? God is passionate about spending time with us (just like you and your D).

The biggest difference is; His nature allows Him to be with us 100% of the time. It is we that fail to include Him. Spend time reading His word, Pray to Him, Worship Him. These are the essentials of any relationship. If all you do in a relationship is talk to the other person and don't let them talk, it won't be a very good R. If you never tell the other person how much you appreciate them; they'll feel taken for granted. If you don't talk to them, and let them share their experiences with you they will feel worthless. So do these things. Read everyday (after a while, the Bible will become a living document for you). Pray "without ceasing" (converse with God all day long). And worship Him (tell Him how much He really means to you) Sing songs; pick your daughter up and dance while giving Glory to God.

Invite God to your bedroom, your meals and place of work. Make Him #1, above all things. Including your W and D. And as I said before; "Watch Him work".

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Matthew 6:32-34 For the pagans run after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them. But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, and all these things will be given to you as well. Therefore do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will worry about itself. Each day has enough trouble of its own.

First and formost God wants His Children right with Him. The other stuff follows (marriages, jobs, etc.) He wants you and your W's heart first.

Bless you greatly.

S&C

jamesp,

Forgive me, bad choice of words. What I was trying to say is that you need to get a focus, and then never stray from it. S&C has covered it very well since I posted. I was trying to say " put God and His word "above", and "over" everything else. You only slow Him down when you start doubting or questioning. You have to believe God with all your heart, soul, and might, and block out everything else. I said the things I should have heard myself seven years ago! But I have learned alot since that time. I only want to see your marriage saved and healthy!!!

God Bless James

sg

James sp: I have read your post from Feb.27th. I wanted to add to some of the other comments made. This is a very confusiong day for you. God does not cause confusion. We have been told that if we follow the example set by Jesus that we will have the right behavior towards anyone. If you have not gotten alot of information on prayer...I know that I was weak in this area when this thing happpened in my life.
In prayer, you will be telling God what he already knows. He wants you to tell him again in that posture. You don't have to kneel if you are 'new' to this. You can fast and ask God to show you the areas in your life that He wants to reveal to you that need your and His attention. There are very good books that teach how to pray. Stormie Omartian is a good author.
The Bible is how you can reach God faster. Satan can quote scripture and does to trick us into thinking God has answered our prayers. Read your Bible daily, pray to God, when you feel like you are discouraged.
Satan does not want you to think about saving your marriage. He is the author of divorce. Jesus said to love your enemies as your self. You should try to think of your spouse as this 'enemy' and then pray for them and yourself. Jesus never said to do anything to an enemy but love them first.
When Jesus was crucified he was forgiving and loving. It is this example we need to emulate in our relationships with our spouses. I will pray for you and your spouse and your child. You have a great reason to keep trying. Divorce doesn't do anything positive to a child.
Don't be discouraged, give your worry to God. Peace.

Hi all,

Just journaling now, took my son and daughter to my sister's house for the weekend 3 hours away and she called afew times to check up on us. we got home on Sunday afternoon and had a uneventfull afternoon until I questioned her about searching through my desk and she was quit upset over that. went to bed at around 10:00 my son woke up at 12:00 I decided to wake her up because I was really tired and i had to get up in 5 hours to go to work (she is a staying at home mom).

After the initial grunt she did get up to takecare or my son. As she was walking to the kitchen she turn around and said "I thougt about it for a few minutes, but forget it now" I knew what she meant when she said that. I think she meant about the reconciling process. Not sure what to do next, today she is very cold toward me, no hug nothing...I'm still praying and hoping for a miracle..any input on what I should do are appreciated.

Jim,

Several years before my husband left, I prayed for God to fix our marriage. After he left I prayed for God to bring him home. Then I was served divorce papers at work. I was broken. I kept asking why God was not answering my prayers. My Mom said, sometimes we don't like the packages our answers come in.

I didn't like the package because it was so painful. But it was what our marriage needed. Sometimes God separates us to bring us back together. God used this pain to change me and bring me closer to Him. God used the divorce papers and my husband's leaving to restore our marriage. I had to be broken.

God uses our pain for good if we turn to Him in all things. I had to come to a point were I thanked God for the pain. I had to thank Him for the divorce papers. I had to allow God to work in me to change me and my circumstances.

God doesn't cause us to suffer but He does allow our suffering. HE allows it because of His love for us. He allows it to get us where He wants us. See, if my husband had never left or if I hadn't gotten the divorce papers, I would not have learned to depend on God. I would not have drawn near to Him.

Jim I see so much promise and hope in what you post. God is working in your wife's heart. The divorce may happen, but don't let this discourage you. Your hope is in the Lord. God causes all things to work together for good for those that love Him and call on His name. Live by faith and not by sight.

God sent my answer in a package I didn't like. I praise Him for that today. He loved me enough to give me just what I needed. Now it has came full circle and my husband is home. It is hard for me to believe sometimes. I look back and think about all the times I doubted and became fearful. I remember all the pain and I thought it would never end, at times I thought the pain would kill me. I still am in awe of what God has done for me. What He has done for me, He will do for you. Stand firm with him.

I believe the divorce papers are also an answer to your prayers you just can't see it right now. I believe God is talking to you. Not only through the divorce papers or the person at divorce care, but also though the tiny peeks at your wife's heart changing. That Monday she said she was not sure. Take that as a blessing and don't let go of it. Stop allowing Satan to steal your joy. Your wife does have second thoughts. She is confused. Give her time. Give God time. Hold on to the times that you see changes in her and keep them in your heart not on your mouth. Don't allow Satan to take them from you. They are kisses from God and they belong to you Jim. Hold on to what is good. Everything good comes from above.

ROM 8: 17 Now if we are children, then we are heirs--heirs of God and co-heirs with Christ, if indeed we share in his sufferings in order that we may also share in his glory.

RO 8:18 I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us.

2 COR 1:6 If we are distressed, it is for your comfort and salvation; if we are comforted, it is for your comfort, which produces in you patient endurance of the same sufferings we suffer. 7 And our hope for you is firm, because we know that just as you share in our sufferings, so also you share in our comfort.

HEB 12: 10 Our fathers disciplined us for a little while as they thought best; but God disciplines us for our good, that we may share in his holiness. 11 No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.


gentle

<small>[ March 06, 2004, 12:41 AM: Message edited by: gentle ]</small>

Gentle,

Thank you for the words of encouragement. I will make sure to read your post whenever I feel like giving up (which happen a lot lately..lol). God Bless you sister