We have been going through some tough times Ok this is rather personal but for a while I have noticed that our "initimate time" changed has... I have suspected that my H has been satisfying himself in the bathroom<BR>Today it was kinda obvious. But I know he has a big privacy problem (his mother snooped on him as a youngester big time) I asked if he had been doing "IT" He was so ticked off and said no I said I am not stupid... it's just goes to the issue of our issues. So here is my question...should I have even asked? I feel like he is in there thinking of OW and I am very insecure about our relationship. Please help me guys I need your perspective!!!

Jackee,<P>I don't how much you have posted but before I would dare address this issue some more information would be necessary. Your bio does not provide much. Is he having an affair or do you suspect that he is? Are your sexual relations with him, normal for you two? If you know he has privacy issues why did you just ask instead of trying a more subtle approach? Why do you care, if he "satisfies himself" ? How do you feel about this type of thing? I could go on but I think you get the idea.<P>Advice of this sort can only be given based on the perspective of the person seeking it.

Just Learning:<BR>You got me I am looking for MY answer to my question. First I have no proof of an affair and our relations have been good. <BR>But I dont get this seemingly increased need for him to do IT alone. I know people do that and I think it that I am right there and not attempt is made to ask me to join in since he is in the mood. One minute he's having coffee and the other he in the B-Room<P>Thanks for the reply. <BR>Jackee

Jackee,<P>Boy, is this delicate. Not one of my usual topics, but I'll to try start this thing off. <BR>First, I realized that I didn't ask about ages and that does make some difference. If you are not sure H is having an affair, why do you think this behavior is connected? What makes you think he is having an affair. <P>Some general comments. Why did he not approach you for sex instead of "satisfying himself" ? Answers: Time, feelings that you would not be responsive, some fantasy, urgent need, habit.<P>Women claim that they understand male sex drive but I don't think they do any better than men understand having babies. It has been said that men think about sex every 10 seconds of every day. I don't know about the accuracy of the time but I do know it is very frequent. It is like a constant multitasking in our minds. Most/no men act on these thoughts (nothing would ever get done and we'd die of exhaustion ) but they are there. Now, it is possible that your H is having a period of heightened sex drive. He has several options 1) ignore it (easier said than done) 2) approach you for sex (you may or may not be receptive) 3) Solve the problem himself. <P>It also may be true that nothing has changed but you are more aware of his activity for some reason.<P> I am not in the field of human sexuality, but I have heard that the drive in men sometimes increases with stress of some sort. It sure can increase with facination with another woman, who they would not approach in real life. If there were an affair I would suspect that the need would diminish.<P>I'll give you an example where women don't understand male sexuality. You have no doubt heard and certainly there are plenty of jokes about men having sex and then rolling over and going to sleep. THus leaving the women very frustrated. What does not seem to be commonly known is that the going to sleep is a natural reaction to having sex for men. It comes from the fact that after climax, a hormone is released to drop the males heart beat back down to safe levels. This hormone is a sedative. Men will masturbate sometimes simply to go to sleep when under stress. Further, if a male is tired or it is late at night (Ah! children) then the response is to fall asleep. It has nothing to do with the woman. Yet, many women will complain about this as if there partner is doing intentionally. Solution, is changing the time, getting more sleep before hand, or the woman going first so to speak. <P>This last part does not address you problem, but it does illustrate that people really don't fully understand the complexity of the sex act from a pure physiological point of view. <P>Hope this helps some, but I realize this has not really answered your question. That is difficult without more information.<P>JL<BR>

Ok, I'm jumping in here, personal or not. Not a guy. Had a geat sex life. More of a drive than H. Must be my age! <P>June 27th, oops, make that the morning of June 28th too, was the last time. Evening of June 28th, he came home and said he wasn't sure of his feelings. 2 weeks later confessed to being attracted to someone else.<BR>Just lunches, no sex. Un huh, well maybe. Give them the benefit of the doubt.<BR>Left 8/5.<P>Anyway, what I'm getting to is that AFTER the evening of June 28, my H did the same thing. Left the bedroom, middle of the night, took care of business and came back to bed. For him, it WAS a loyalty thing or some sort of thing anyway. It KILLED me.<P>Don't know if it helps, but at least you know you aren't alone.<P>Lori<P>