I recently found out that my wife has been unfaithful to me for a few months. Anyway, she doesn't really show any remorse and has recently moved out for an undetermined period of time. It is tearing me apart. Please pray for us. Help her find her way back home....

Thank You

Confused - I am still new to all of this. Just know that you have found the right place - there are so many people here that share in your pain and will offer you much needed support. Be strong and pray - believe. I will keep you, as I do everyone, in my prayers - I am so sorry you are going through this - everyone here will help you. You are not alone.

Father God, I ask that You would minister to confused in this time of great pain and agony in his life. Lord, You and I know his pain, and I ask that you comfort him thru this time of terrible distress. Father, I ask that You would speak to the heart of his wife, that she would see the error of what she is doing, and bring her into Your fold. Lord, I pray for the salvation of these two. I ask that they not be excluded from Your kingdom. I plead for their forgiveness, Lord, that neither would perish. Father, You are the Maker of miracles. I beg of You to get involved in this marriage. I ask that you would put a covering over this covenant union, made in Your name, Lord, and that You will bring about it's restoration. In the name of Jesus I bind the enemy and his evil schemes off of this marriage. Father, show Your mercy and grace to them. Lord, send angels, people, and circumstances to bring about reconciliation. Defend what is rightfully Yours Lord God. I ask this all in Jesus name. The King of kings, and the Lord of lords! Amen

Thank you so much for the prayer. I have never really been one to pray a whole lot and for that I feel guilty but I've been praying just about every hour. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> Thank you so much for taking the time to write it out. I think I'll print it out and keep it near me.

Hello confused...

I've been on both sides of infidelity, so I understand what you are feeling. My first husband had several affairs throughout our 20 year marriage and also, I had an affair myself during year 18 of our marriage.

I hear you, and I understand your pain.

I'd like a little more information, please.

How long have you been married?
Any children?
Any abuse in the past or present? (Verbal, Physical - either of you)
How long have you known about the affair?
Who is the affair with?
How old are you?

Do you know what "exit" affairs are, and is her affair one?

I want to give you a little bit of advice, and please know that it comes from my heart, and that I am NOT the ultimate authority on your wife - God and you are. So if this doesn't fit your situation, DO NOT LISTEN TO ME.

But thinking on this, I need the answers to your questions before I give it...

Your answers will help me...

By the way, you've come to the right place. MB, and especially this board, is a true blessing.

WELCOME!

How long have you been married? 5yrs
Any children? 2 year old
Any abuse in the past or present? (Verbal, Physical - either of you no physical but we've had our share of fights
How long have you known about the affair? 4 days
Who is the affair with? Internet boyfriend
How old are you? 32

I almost forgot... Thank you for your response

<small>[ March 03, 2004, 09:51 PM: Message edited by: Confused.. ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Confused..:
<strong> How long have you been married? 5yrs
Any children? 2 year old
Any abuse in the past or present? (Verbal, Physical - either of you no physical but we've had our share of fights
How long have you known about the affair? 4 days
Who is the affair with? Internet boyfriend
How old are you? 32

I almost forgot... Thank you for your response </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Thank you for your answers.

Okay, you've known about this for 4 days. Here's my first bit of advice. CUT YOURSELF SOME SLACK. You JUST FOUND OUT. This is devistating beyond belief, and anyone who hasn't been through it has NO IDEA. It's been compared to a rape. Remember this...

Second piece of advice - Get yourself to a doctor and see about some anti-depresants. Before you poo-poo the idea - they have helped many, many betrayed spouses to "get over the hump" and think clearly.

Third piece of advice - Keep praying! Really, this should have been first, forgive me. You're already doing this, but KEEP IT UP!

Fourth - THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT. It doesn't matter what has happened, and what you did to cause the breakdown of the marriage - SHE CHEATED, NOT YOU. This is more about her than you. I know you don't believe that, but it's true. IT'S ALWAYS TRUE. IT'S ABOUT THE Wayward Spouse (WS).

A few more questions:

Is your 2 yr old with her, or with you?
How is the relationship with your W? Does she talk to you at all? How is her attitude?
Is she a Christian?

Okay, enough with the questions, right? Sorry about that, but it helps to know all the facts when giving out advice. And remember, as I said, you know her better than any of us, so you tell us if something we say is way off the mark, okay?

Praying for you tonight...

Is your 2 yr old with her, or with you? her but she has been going out of her way to make sure I see my daughter
How is the relationship with your W? Does she talk to you at all? At first she called to "check" on me often but I told her she was giving me mixed signals by calling so much How is her attitude? hard to say. She sounds sad on the phone but in person it seems like she's fine with everything
Is she a Christian? yes

She just called me out of the blue and said that her cell beeped and wondered if it was me... Then asked what I was doing tommorrow (to make plans with my daughter or curious about what I was doing). I told her I was going to our marriage counselor. She went on to ask what time I wanted to see our daughter... What is she thinking??? Please no false hope....

A lot of people have been praying for us and maybe this is a sign... maybe not... just don't know... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

More advice... unless it truly hurts you or inconveniences you (middle of the night, or at work where you can't talk, for example) to hear from her... at this point, let her call. It sounds like she's already beginning to realize the reality of her situation. Actually, I think it's a VERY GOOD SIGN. At this point, a lot of WS's could care LESS about their spouse. SHE STILL CARES. Her cell beeped and she thought it was you? Wow... she's grasping... she knows... she DOES... I'm telling you.

Remember, please... it's only been FOUR DAYS... my heart really, really goes out to you!

Lord,

You know this man's heart - how it's broken right now - and I ask you for your healing touch. Help him to see that this CAN be overcome, and that he is doing the right thing by coming to YOU, where so much healing begins.

Help him eat, help him sleep, let him know that this is a safe place where he can vent, cry and reach out to people who care.

HEAL HIS MARRIAGE, LORD!

In Jesus Name, Amen

<small>[ March 03, 2004, 10:22 PM: Message edited by: new_beginning ]</small>

Confused. I am sorry. I hope that seeing some support from the good people on this board will offer you some comfort.

My "advice" for now would be that you read everything you can on this board paying particular attention to the articles on affairs.

Your wife is in a very powerful delusion right now that they call "fog".

If you stick around the MB forum you will hear that term a lot.

I like the term "fog" because it describes it so well. She can't see clearly in front of her (thus her crazy decison making .. she's ready to throw a marriage away without thinking ahead) and she can't see what she's in right now - more fog!

All she can see is what she THINKS is her ticket to happiness.

The truth is she will say and do a lot of things that are totally out-of-character and you will wonder sometimes if someone has sucked your wife's brain out of her head and replaced it with someone else you don't know. THAT is how strange she may act.

When people are in "fog" they can be the cruelest most heartless, and cold people. I know this rips your heart out but try to think of her as unwell. In a way it is like she is ill. The fog has taken over her senses and she really is "ill".

The next few days (won't lie to you - possibly weeks) will be rough. I think seeing a Dr. as New Beginning has suggested would be a good idea.

I know it's difficult right now but the very best thing you can do is pray and ask God for direction and the second thing you can do is read everything you can get your hands on to begin to try to understand this. (there are some good articles on the home page of this site) Harley also has a good book called: "Surviving an Affair"
I have not personally read it but many people I trust have, and they say it is very good.

The enemy is in the business of destroying families and marriages today and he is ruthless.

All affairs are based on fantasy, but internet affairs are particularily bad because people believe they are inlove with someone they couldn't POSSIBLY know.

I am venturing to say that this online
boyfriend has been meeting emotional needs that you haven't understood or possibly haven't met for her.

I am NOT saying the affair is YOUR fault, she made the choice to do this. What I AM saying is that if you are gonna put this marriage back together you need to be willing to work on meeting those emotional needs (and vice versa by the way) so that she has no NEED to go outside the marriage.

Reading all the articles on this site and even taking the EN questionnaires as well as the LB questionnaire will go a long way to equipping you to get ready to FIGHT!

Yep, you have to realize you are in a battle. The devil will not give this up easily so you have to do all you can to determine to fight for your wife and your family.

The best place to start is where you did already, which was by asking for prayer.

If you will surrender you marriage to God, He will direct you to the right places and He WILL help you. No, it won't be easy, but it WILL be worth it.

Hang in there, you are not alone.

Diamonzzz

Thanks for the responses. I pray, pray, and pray some more. Thank you new begining for the prayer and diamonzzz for the advice. After the call, I am trying not to get my hopes up cause the fact is that she was still calling me from her mom's. I will pray again tonight before bed.

Thank You Again...

God Bless Confused. Hang in there.

There is ALWAYS hope! Never give up!

DZZZ

Well, today has been a tough day. I feel the weight of the world on my shoulders. She called and left a message on my cell to let me know that she was at the house (she's staying with her mom)doing laundry and just wanted to say hi. I didn't call her back cause I know that is all it is and can't handle a let down. I'm hurting so much right now <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

Confused,

I'm also a victim of the internet, I know exactly how you feel brother. If you don't mind me asking, is this internet only or is it physical?. Get ready for a roller coaster ride of your life. listen to the advice from the wise people here. The best thing you can do now is to leave her alone and let her sort out her head. I will be praying for you. God bless you...

It is physical as well as internet. It literally makes me sick to my stomach. Thanks for the response and the prayer. I'm going to church tommorrow for the first time in a while.

Confused,

Some people say that sometime the physical relationship is easier to get out of the fog then the emotional one. My wife have a very intense emotional affair with a person she have never even seen. Since the physical affairs usually comes with a intense guilt, it migth be enough to wake up your wife. For me, since it is not physical, she feel like she didn't do anything wrong or immoral. I'm sorry that you are here. Hang in there and the people on this board will get you through. I will be praying for you.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> For me, since it is not physical, she feel like she didn't do anything wrong or immoral. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">That is exactly the way my H feels, even after he's been home now. He shows no signs of remorse, not even to God Himself. I pray that God convicts him through the movie, Passion of Christ. We're probably going to go see it next weekend. It's very hard to forgive someone when they don't show any signs of remorse. I'm praying for you, James and Confused.

I'll give you my take/experience.

When my W thought I had only been having an A on the Internet, she said it was just as though I had been sleeping with another woman. Not so. When I confessed to the PA, her reactions and the outcome (filing for D) have been much worse.

In the past, I wanted her to have a PA, so we could start from level playing field. She had an EA (says it never went PA) and says that the EA was nothing and that she had a right after what I did. You see EA's definitley don't seem like A's, BUT THEY ARE.

Peace,
ttsmm