Hi--

My FWH and I are trying to rebuild our marriage. He was a church goer in his teenage years, but is now a non-believer and a little bit cynical about God.

I feel God's love, and by His grace, He has encouraged me to work at our marriage. I want my FWH to open his heart to God and to live His ways. But I also know that he would be defensive if I tell him of my desire to see him follow God's footsteps. He has clearly stated that he believes in God no more.

I have observed that his work environment is surrounded by a lot of people who have blatant disregard for God and moral values. He has had two PAs at his office. I have also seen photos of his other colleagues and clients, and honestly, I thought they were call-girls. I do know, however, that one of his superiors is a good Christian.

I tried to tell him how God has worked in my life, but he thinks that's just my belief. How can I subtly influence him that God loves His people and to have a relationship with Him is the most rewarding of all?

We are separated at the moment, but if he returns home, I would like us to pray together. I am still a very young Christian.

Hi there. PTL that you and your husband are working things out and a great big praise to Him for your salvation!

My advice to you would be to follow the Word which tells you your husband will be "won without a word" (1 Peter 3) "Wives, in the same way be submissive to your husbands so that, if any of them do not believe the word, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives,

2when they see the purity and reverence of your lives.
3Your beauty should not come from outward adornment, such as braided hair and the wearing of gold jewelry and fine clothes.
4Instead, it should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God's sight.
5For this is the way the holy women of the past who put their hope in God used to make themselves beautiful. They were submissive to their own husbands,
6like Sarah, who obeyed Abraham and called him her master. You are her daughters if you do what is right and do not give way to fear.

What should you do then while waiting on the Lord? Pray. Pray for your husband, ask the Lord to send His laborers into your husband's path, ask for His divine intervention in your husband's life, pray for Holy Spirit conviction to be on your husband, pray a hedge of thorns around him; just keep praying and thanking the Lord for his salvation and his turning back to the Lord. Our God is far greater than any plans of the enemy, for with God nothing is impossible. Have faith,

AW

<small>[ March 20, 2004, 11:27 PM: Message edited by: Alcoholic's Wife ]</small>

Hello, Ruffled. And PTL that you found us!!

ANother suggestion is to buy Stormie Omartian's book, "Power of a Praying WIfe." There's a chapter in it for every day of the month, then you just repeat it over and over.

As Alco's W said very well, you can win your H over without a word. The scripture promises it!!

I have always felt that God brought me through this most uncomfortable "season" of infidelity and div. b/c we didn't come back to Him when He was calling to us in a gentle and loving way. Your H will have to make peace with God at his own time and in his own way. God obviously will use the incidents of his infidelities to get through to him.

Continue to pray and read your Bible, and cover yourself with God's beauty. Your H can't help but be won over with that!!!

God Bless,

Thank you so much for your replies!! I needed the encouragement.

Sometimes I feel so extremely down I lose the spirit to pray. That is when I feel I don't know how to talk to God anymore. It's a lousy feeling.

I know God works in His own way and in His own time. I pray for Him to be by my side always so I don't lose sight of Him. I don't doubt His plan for me, it's just me who is impatient. So, I will write down AW's prayer suggestion and use it every night till I am familiar with it. I have a little list of prayer items... you know, to use when I am 'stuck' in my conversations with Him.

Lupolady, AW, I need to work on my own belief that H will appreciate the virtues of a christian wife. Right now, there's just too much distraction and temptation out there. I feel the devil is sticking his tongue out at me and I am not winning. Uggh!

Yes, Pray! To pray is the only thing we can do for them. But it's not just the "only" thing we can do, it's the most POWERFUL thing we can do. I too recommend The Power of a Praying Wife. It helped me greatly to know and understand that no matter how small (or BIG) our problems are, we must PRAY to God about them. Would you like your name added to Prayer Warriors list on the weekly Restoration Post? Let me know and I'll add it. We all pray for one another every day of the week, but dedicate a special day (Wednesdays) to fast and pray for each other.

God WILL see us all thru this and WILL bring your H to Him. Just keep praying, be patient and listen to Him. God Bless!!

H98

Hopeful,

I am sorry, I didn't see your reply earlier. Yes, I would like to be prayed for on the weekly Restoration Post. I went to the RPosts last week and this week and wondered how I could be included.

I am feeling very defeated today. You see, I plan on tending to my plants and cleaning out the aquarium this evening. But when I got home from work, I found that my FWH has lied to me about our finances again. I had to fork a huge chunk from my own savings to pay off some of his debts last week. I feel sh**ty. We have gone through this before-- he can't seem to stop lying. They spew out of his mouth-- little lies, big lies, all justified for. And I know, Satan, the father of all lies, has gotten a grip on him. Satan has gotten him for so long that I think FWH actually feels 'comfortable' in it. Somehow, he thinks it is still safe to lie.

What he doesn't seem to realize is, I love him and I know his many weaknesses, and I still love him despite all. It hurts to love him this way and not being able to trust him. I no longer understand why he continues lying to me. It hurts to stay and it hurts to walk away too.

I asked myself many times tonight: what is this trial that God setting me through? What am I suppose to learn? Each time I thought we've made a little progress, one of FWH's past lies will reveal itself. Unless FWH stops lying and comes clean, I am finding it extremely hard to move on. I am at the end of the rope tonight. <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I know I need a long quiet time tonight. I am feeling too tired for that even. So please pray for me, will you?

<small>[ April 01, 2004, 08:10 AM: Message edited by: Ruffled ]</small>

It's been two days.

I have decided to draw the line. I told FWH I cannot carry on anymore. It is just too painful. I told him that I am sorry that he does not trust me enough to tell the truth. I can't have a relationship laced with lies.

I am also hurting for the loss of this relationship. I was very hopeful. I am very confused right now, about God, I am trying to figure out what He is saying to me. Is He revealing FWH's lies to show me his true colors? If this is his answer, then yes, I will accept it. Or is Satan revealing it to me to further break us apart?? I am so confused!!

I've been taught that although the Bible says we can divorce because of adultery, God would like to see each marriage last. He is one of the main reasons I am trying.

FWH had 2 affairs, the first started during the second year of our marriage. It lasted about a year, and the second affair lasted two years. On top of this, he also cheats on the internet. He is in serious financial debts at the moment. I have all the reasons to walk away from this marriage... I do not want to be gullible to him over and over again.

Please pray for me to have strength and patience, and to be able to see God's answers clearly. Please pray for FWH to repent and to return to the Lord. R

Hi, Ruffled:

I'm sorry to hear about all the continued lies, etc.

Maybe God does want you to separate for a "season." Without you intervening for him, maybe the Holy Spirit can speak to your H about his untruths/compromised values.

Keep praying! Keep seeking Jesus. HE is working to make YOU more CHrist-like. The other stuff is out of our control, anyway! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God Bless,

I have been NCing him for three days, and will continue to do so. We have been living separately for a year.

I keep reminding myself; I've left him in God's hands. And for now, I can only pray and thank the Lord for all other good things in my life.

I hope you are right, I have to wait whilst the Holy Spirit works on him... to open his eyes. He is very blessed, lupo. It would be unwise for him to throw the last seven years of his life away. Am going to the bookstore to look for the Power of A Praying Wife this afternoon.

God bless, R.

Update: Feeling much better!! Thank you for all your prayers.

I have also gained much sleep. This has been a good week so far. Have taken lupo's advice-- am reading POAPW. I keep remembering the Lord, how Jesus suffered and died for our sins, the magnitude of His sacrifice. I no longer struggle to understand what I am going through. I have submitted everything to the Lord, and I feel certain He has taken my burden. I found myself praying a lot more yesterday and today. In the morning, in the traffic, at work, with my friends and in the quiet of the evening.

I answered one phone call from FWH. He was suprised that I picked up the call and was at a loss for words... said he would write me a letter instead. I have been NCing him. Come to think of it, now it looks like he's NCing me too. Meanwhile I am praying for him to turn to the Lord for wisdom and for Him to touch his heart. FWH doesn't know it.

I know your prayers are working for me. My feelings of pain are light and far between. I am no longer confused. The feelings of withdrawal goes as soon as I remember God's promises and I know He's working on my problems right now. I love Him and am always thankful for His love.

Thank you, once again, for your prayers. R

FWH came to church yesterday (Saturday)!!

We had a visiting pastor, his talk was on Christian Family Life. I was in the church kitchen when FWH walked in. I was most suprised and happy. FWH sat for two whole hours in the talk. He hasn't come to church for six years. We held hands for a little while afterwards. Thank you all, for your prayers. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Thank you, Lord, for taking care of H and me.

<small>[ April 18, 2004, 09:16 AM: Message edited by: Ruffled ]</small>

Ruffled! I am so happy for this news.

It is a good start. It sounds like this was a pretty big deal for him, to go to church. Maybe it is also his way of letting you know he is trying. (It might even be the excuse he needed to go).

Shul

Ruffled: You can show him by your example. Show him how you can forgive his acts. Tell him of your faith and why it is important to you. Don't pressure him to accept right now. Pray for him daily and keep him on the prayer lists at your church. Go to church yourself and talk with another christian woman who can guide you with this situation. Don't give up. Trust God to work in his life even when you can't see the results plainly.Peace

I think FWH is probing me in Christ's ways just as much as I want him to return to Christ. Here's why:

A few nights ago, H told me why he left the church. He felt he couldn't see anyone living a true Christian life. He asked why I go to church. I knew immediately he was talking about me, he wants to see the Christian WIFE he married. Not the gal he married, the Christian WIFE.

I admit I have still a lot to work towards being that wife. It is often my BEHAVIOUR towards my husband that turns him away. I need to be more steadfast in my prayers... sometimes they go all over the place... eeek! I better start right now and get my prayers straight.