Help! I am a wreck. Husband is military and I am in a lot of emotional pain right now.


My husband and I have been seperated for 14 months. I spoke to him on the phone tonight and he finally came clean about everything that happened with the first affair. He was with her for 8 months and she had an abortion, which was his child. I couldn't help but get angry.

Then while stationed in Iraq he was "dating" or having sex with another woman. He justifies it because we have been seperated. She left him and he was alone for a few weeks.

Husband is coming to visit son next week. Husband is now "dating" another woman. He wants to bring her down to visit. I don't want her near my son. I made a point of letting him know that. I don't want her here period. Yes, they are having sex and his dad has given permision for them to stay at his house. I am very upset. I told him I don't want my son near her.

He wants the divorce and says he doesn't care what happens. I hate him. I truely hate him. Why should I continue to stand? Somebody tell me why I shouldn't give up? What's the point?

I'm upset and am ready to get physically ill. Somebody please pray for me.

Lunadove,

First, if you need to throw up, please go ahead and do that. I can't tell you the number of times I threw up and passed out and everything during my exH's affairs. It is SO upsetting that your body physically reacts!!

Sweetheart, your H is one messed up man right now. I don't know how long you've been married, but he has had an affair, and "dated" two women while he was away from home during his tour of duty. It doesn't sound to me as if he understands the concept of faithful marriage! However, that doesnt' mean that your marriage is over or anything like that. He's in a horrible situation, maybe in danger everyday, and doing things that no human should be called to do. It could be that the mental or emotional stress of it all is just getting to him.

There are some specific steps you can take to help. The first step you can do is to reveal his unfaithful ways--don't keep it a "secret" in your family or keep your agony behind your closed doors. My exH used to tell me "don't air our dirty laundry" but that's just because he didn't want certain people seeing what he was dirtying! Can you think of 3 people that your H would not want to know about his cheating ways?? Those are the exact people who need to know: his parents, his pastor, his sisters and brothers, your parents, your pastor...whoever. And they don't need to know every detail and hear your husband disrespected. They need to hear something along this line:

"My husband (name) is having an affair with (her name) and it is hurting our marriage very much. I want him to end contact with her and return to our marriage and family. Please encourage him to end his affair and put his energy into saving his marriage."

See?? This isn't disrespectful, it shows that you still want to save the marriage, it asks the family and friends to encourage him to return to you and your son, and it doesn't give gruesome details or recruit people to be "for you" and "against him." If his parents know he is married and still support the affair, tell them anyway to help you help him to return to his marriage. They may just be so happy to see him again that they don't want to do anything to upset him or seem unsupportive--you know??

Finally, my lovely, you are not alone. You should continue to stand because you love this man, you made a vow before God to love him until death parted you, and you know in your heart of hearts that it's the right thing to do. No matter how poorly he may behave or what choices he may make, that is no reason for you to make bad choices too. Do what you know to do, and be the godly woman you are--make godly choices and behave like the love of Christ is flowing through you. If you do, it will help you to see your H for the hurting man he is, lonely and far from God.


CJ

P.S. cindy_cj_wolfe@hotmail.com <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Dear Faithful wife,
Everybody knows about his current affair. His parents tell me to get over him and let him live his life. He doesn't have a church pastor. He doesn't go to church. He is bringing his current ow here to our hometown and will be staying at his dad's house with his dad's permission. He will be doing the same when he goes to visit his mother's house.

Everybody considers our marriage to be over. His family and friends do. I'm tired of waiting on a man who doesn't want to be with me. He has been gone a long time and even a war didn't bring him back to his wife and son.

He is full of hate towards me. He no longer loves me but just "cares" about me. I have no idea why God wants me to stay in this non-existant marriage.

Lunadove

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by LunaDove:
<strong> Everybody considers our marriage to be over. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Not God! HE KNOWS you are still M'd. His covenant is forever. Only death can break it. This is one reason He expects you to stand for it.

Rely on HIM to tell you when it's over.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong> I have no idea why God wants me to stay in this non-existant marriage. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Neither did I understand why God wanted me to "stand" for my M. I didn't understand what was happening on the other side of the mountain. I didn't understand what God was waiting for!!!

BRING HIM HOME!!! I'd scream. OR RELEASE ME!!!

But now that I've gotten a glance over the other side of the mountain, I see that God did know He'd use my H to be by the side of a desperately lonely, dying woman so she wouldn't die alone (one of her biggest fears). GOD KNEW he'd use my H to turn on the TV and watch evangelists w/her and maybe lead her to a sermon where she heard about Jesus (maybe for the first time in her life - she's Jewish), and recieve salvation before she died.

Luna, God knows what He's doing. Through this latest ordeal, one thing I'm learning is that we CAN trust Him.

I know, DUH!! Like we need that lesson. Well, apparently I DO!! I thought I knew what it meant, but see? I didn't have THAT perspective. We don't have the perspective God has, of seeing the beginning from the end. Believe me, this latest twist has taught me that there's always waay more to the story than we can even comprehend, and we'd better be believing HIM and trusting HIM TOTALLY.

Not to mention it's way more peaceful that way! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

God Bless,

Dear Lupolady,
Thanks for the response. Husband has decided that he is in love with the new ow. She is in love with him. She wants to be with him and he wants to be with her.

God give me strenght.

Lunadove

LunaDove, that is such a beautiful, poetic name. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Here is my prayer for you:

Father in Heaven, Almighty Saviour please look upon my friend LunaDove. She is afraid, hurt, angry and confused. Father, be loving and kind to her as you have been to me and all those who seek You. Father, she needs peace in her heart. Please restore her tired soul. Comfort her as she rests her troubles upon you.

Father, my friend LunaDove has been hurt by adultery. Please send Your laborers to her beloved husband, he need Your guidance in every step he takes. Father, my faith in You grows with every prayer. Free him from temptations of the world, free him from lies, let him not choose the easy ways of the devil. Father, give him a discerning heart. Let him not throw away his promises to You, let him not waste his life for temporary pleasures of the world. Show him ways to restore his love for You and his family.

Father, I pray for the Holy Spirit to awaken and grow in LunaDove and her beloved husband. Protect their union, Father, they have vowed to love You and each other. Father, I pray to strengthen LunaDove's faith in You, I pray for her to be the wife You want her to be. Give her patience. Let her be respectful and wise in her words and actions. Father, guide her along this rocky path.

Father, forgive their sins. Let this family be together in loving and worshipping You. Amen.

<small>[ April 06, 2004, 09:08 AM: Message edited by: Ruffled ]</small>