Friends,

I have had an incident occur in my life today that has brought about a huge, triggery, conflict-avoiding, PTSD response inside of me. I feel SICK (as in physically ill)!! I know in my head this is like my body responding to the past, not necessarily the present--but I can't get my body to understand that!

AARRGGHH. I'm just struggling and trying every trick I know and it's not helping. Melatonin is next to just get some sleep somehow.

I don't want to go into what set it off, because that's not the issue. It was a bit of a conflict thing with some people I love and respect, but what "set it off" in me is being squashed and ignored. I don't usually do too well when I feel like I'm deliberately ignored. This may sound odd, but emotionally I feel like the little girl in the corner told to shut up...but at the same time, I'm the grown up who's a little paralyzed.

Breathe. Breathing helps.

Okay...help me figure this out. I'm having slow-thinking mud brain. I'm not a defensely child anymore. I'm more like a Maltese: 5 lbs. of fury (heehee). BTW, for those of you who don't know, I'm about 4ft. 10in. tall and I'm well built and sturdy. Anyway, how can my Grown Up CJ help my frozen Little C??

Here's where I want to go with this:

1) I want to mellow my reaction to this event so it doesn't feel so triggery of past reactions (emotional soothing??).

2) I want to comfort the Little C feelings of being ignored and told to shut up or else.

3) I want to come back into the present and get a grip on the CURRENT event.

4) I want to respond in a healthy, respectful ADULT way--not that childish trigger way.

(silence...crickets chirping) Anybody?? Anybody?? heehee



CJ

So you want something more mature than, "I'm going to take my ball and go home?"

Let me think on it.

However, let me assure you that even at 4'10" your heart and mind are as big as anyone elses.

Tony

FaithfulWife:

I hear your pain, sis. I have some ideas, and I hope you don't take what I'm going to tell you as a "simplistic, band-aid" appproach to a very real problem for you. It's just that I have had some recent success with an incident in my life where my peace was gone (this is what I'm sensing you are going through, only more severe).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"><strong>1) I want to mellow my reaction to this event so it doesn't feel so triggery of past reactions (emotional soothing??).

2) I want to comfort the Little C feelings of being ignored and told to shut up or else.

3) I want to come back into the present and get a grip on the CURRENT event.

4) I want to respond in a healthy, respectful ADULT way--not that childish trigger way.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">First of all, remember, you are a child of the King!! You are worth more than all the gold, silver or other precious gems in the world to God....

CJ, keeping this perspective has been helping me get through a work-related incident similar to what you are describing (although probably not the same intensity). I work with one particular individual who only feels on top of her game by putting others down......and she has decided to make me Project Number 1. YUCK.

I have prayed and prayed, and now God has given me peace, and patience to have to deal with this person at work. Previous to this, I went home every single day disgusted, depressed, second-guessing myself, and feeling pretty low........basically just like you describe: The insecure little girl who got teased a lot in school (I wasn't very popular). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />

Anyway, getting back to your ?, I asked God to remove this person from near me, but that didn't happen (big surprise, eh?). But just recently, I learned we WILL be away from each other next year, so essentially I just have to deal with her for about 2 more months, then no more. BUT, (here's the kicker), she doesn't bother me anymore!!!

Now if she says the kind of stuff she used to say to me (demeaning, belittling, etc.) I am able to deflect it off me, because I know JEsus took the hurt from her words for me.

PTL!! \o/

I hope you can gain some comfort from this. Praying about it, and seeing yourself as God sees you............YOU ARE SO LOVED BY HIM!!! Any kind of JUNK that comes up into your life can be thrown out!!! IGNORE IT!!!

And reading my Bible just before bed, and going to sleep with christian music playing (it's set on a timer to go off after about 30 minutes) helps me sleep better, too.

God Bless you, sis.

P.S. I am very good at "running" from conflict (conflict avoiding??), too.........and basically I do this cause I get scared I'll mess things up.......

What I've learned from listening to Joyce Meyer is: Don't become paralyzed with fear about something you'd rather not do, then end up avoiding it altogether........Just DO IT AFRAID.............

<small>[ April 06, 2004, 03:00 PM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>