Well, it's been about two months now and I am still on the medication. I have started a new one now. It's not for depression, its for anxitie. I don't like taking them, 'cause it makes me feel different. Not myself anymore. Sometime's I still hurt and sometime's I don't. Like tonight. Tonight I hurt. W will not comfort me like I want her to. The sex. Well. It's there, but not like I want it to be. The counselor said it is like I am reclaiming my 'territory'. I don't like that way of putting it. <BR>W says that most of the days are good. I don't know if I agree. Is it just me or do I really feel something? I don't know anymore. Anybody else out there feel like me? I would love to know. Don't know what else to do. Somewhere deep inside of me, something is telling me to hold on, but somedays it's tougher than others. Somedays, I just want to go out and do the same thing that W did, but I know that that would make me no better that she. I know that you are not suspose to 'fly off of the handle' that is a love buster, but sometimes I can't help it. I am seeing two councelers, two doctors and a minister. I don't know what else to do. The hurt still seems to be there. Why? Why is it still there and will it ever go away???<P>------------------<BR>DP

Hi<P>What medication are you on?

It's called buspar<P>------------------<BR>DP

DP, I understand because it has been almost 5 months and I am still hurting. I feel some weeks are good and then I see or find out something,(or make a big deal out of nothing) and go down again. This week has been very bad to where I don't care if he leaves. Last week I was on high and had a good outlook for myself. If we could only keep our minds and thoughts up and on the Lord. Like I told some friends- one day all of this STUFF/life will not really matter. My goal is heaven and if I keep my eye up and on the Lord (and sometimes it is almost impossible) I have great victory. When I get this victory, I truely do not care what he is doing etc.. because I am ok during these times. I wish there was a true injection of victory we could ALL take. As far as medications. Believe it or not I got of my antidepressants about 2-3 weeks before I found out about the emotional affair. And I have been "drug free". My only medication is Jesus. I guess some days I forget to take that Jesus pill and slide down into my pit.<BR>Oh well try to keep your eyes on the Lord. Find some passages in the bible and hide them in your heart. One of my favorites is "Be still and see the Salvation of the Lord" My problem is being still. I want to squirm,rant and rave. Another one is "slow to speak, slow to anger and quick to listen" now that is a real winner. Gods word is true and if WE (preaching to myself) believe in him he will walk with us through this HOT firey furnace.

What you are experiencing is normal. Everybody here has experienced it in one form or another. It is a roller coaster ride like you've never seen. The meds should help, I just got some myself, but every emotion you have will get a full work out.<P>You just have to remain strong and not let the lows get you too far down and the ups, not too far up. I guess this is what the meds help do.<P><BR>Just continue to counsel, thats what helped me. I too was talking to a minister or 3 , two counselors and friends who have gone thru all this. Between them and the Lord, I have been able to get thru this(I think).<P>Just hand in there and turn everything over to the LOrd, He will guide you thru this.<P>God Bless

hi d1p, just like rwd said, it sucks, it is 'normal' and it does stop. TIME. That is what will help you. <BR>I am not so sure it is a good idea to try to hurry the recovery? Not that anyone should prolong these sort of feelings, but if one forces themselves to be past the pain before it is resolved, it may well come back again. I feel the affair and any other issues need to be looked at thoroughly regardless of the pain. I would much rather have it all now than have this thing come back and rear its ugly head in a few yrs! There is no way I want to repeat any of this!<BR>If the drugs are not helping you, and making you feel out of sorts, rethink why you are taking them. Maybe some Wort or SAM-e would help you better? Not everyone benefits from antidepressants or anxiolytics. Maybe think about changing your diet, exercising, or change of routine instead? I find that exercise and a nice glass of redwine in the eve helps my anxiety a lot. <BR>Don't expect yourself to be healed in 2 mos!! My goodness, you have just had some major life events and should give yourself some time. Be nice to yourself and allow for some difficult times.<BR>My h thought things were a whole lot dandier than I did at the 2 mo mark. That is ok, let her boost you when you need it. Go to counseling!<BR>Sex? Cannot help you there. At the 2 mo time period we were not having sex-hiv clearance is 6 mos. <BR>Be patient with yourself and you will be fine.