This is just a curiosity post. God keeps telling me to stand and I was wondering how God spoke to you about what to do in regards to your marriage.

Mine is simple. Everytime I want to give up, God puts a barrier in my way. From having a sermon at church teaching about forgiveness to a pastor speaking about waiting on God, I have had plenty of signs telling me to stand. So, what did God tell you?

Lunadove

Hi!

I have noticed frequently in the daily readings I use that they are somehow "appropriate" for how I am feeling, and/or what I am thinking.

(For anyone interested who doesn't already have daily bible readings the one that I am referring to is the Living Faith daily readings - www.livingfaith.com.)

[Aarrgghh - As I was typing this, my wife called. Apparently I screwed up again, by letting her know that I am staying despite what others have suggested to me.... That, and by forgetting to put a mug in her lunch since the styrofoam cups give her a headache. Prayers would be appreciated.]

God Bless,
Richard

Luna, I think God has told me different things at different times in my marriage since d-day.

As we're dealing with sexual addiction, after d-day God led me down a path I didn't understand which finally led to plan B. I moved out and God was able to work in my husband in a way that HE could not work while I was there enabling him and covering up his addiction.

God gave me some pretty specific instructions on how to deal with hubby post plan B and now that hubby is working on those I have felt God's prompting to move home and continue to work on the marriage.

I think God always told me to STAND for my marriage and even when I moved out, I still prayed for my husband, my marriage, etc. It was just a brief 'season' where God was allowed to work.

God is now working on lots of things within myself such as forgiveness, and most important for me, the ability to not 'keep count' of all the sins and transgressions of the past. That is particularly hard for me but it's an area where God is leading me to grow.

My husband is 'trying' and I put that in quotes because he is unsaved and my biggest prayer is for his salvation. He is working with the therapist and we are in counseling. We are both committed to the relationship and need to learn new 'tools'.

Probably a bit long winded but I hope you just continue in God's direction. The path is often narrow but definitely worth it.

In Christ,
Angelia

I asked this question several times in the past since being on this post. I haven't heard God's voice as a different voice (I think), just as a thought I wouldn't think of.

If you read the prayer and praise post (Shul - I believe) I mentioned that God "slapped me on the back of the head".

Here are 2 other times that God has communicated to me NOT to leave.

I was listening to Dr. Charles Stanley; he was doing a sermon about combatting a Satanic attack. At the end, he asked us to pray for those who don't have God in their lives or believe in Jesus Christ. I immediately thought of my wife. The car in front of me was going below the speed limit so I deceide to pass them on the left. After I put my turn signal on, a van cut me off. I didn't get angry and followed right behing it. The license plate was "MARIE". This is my wife's name (and she is agnostic - doesn't believe).

A month later, I am driving home after workingout at the gym. I am listening to WMCA and ther are several married Christian women talking about the great relationship they have with their husbands. Listening to this and having just seen many couples working out at the gym (very happy and very loving), I asked God to get the divorce over with as quick as possible, so I could get on with my life; meet a good Catholic woman and be happy again. Within five minutes, a white sports car, with Jersey plates passes by on the driver's side. In the car was avery attractive woman. I smiled and she didn't even notice. After the car passed I read the license plate: "MAR1E".

Before these two incidents, I never saw a license plate with my wife's name on it.

My problems are I am truly the 21st century Doubting Thomas. God has shown me little signs along the way, but I constantly need reaffirmation that there is a miracle in the works. I get hung up on His Will in All vs. He gives us free will. This means my wife can still deny God and we get divorced.

Hope this creates some inspiration for some of you out there. It has raised my hopes slightly, but with all the negative that spews from her mouth, I JUST DON'T KNOW.

God's blessings,
Genesius

PS RichardF. The site you mentioned in your reply is Catholic. Are you Catholic? I have yet to find anyone here Catholic, and sadly, I found very few in the Catholic church who think I should save my marriage. The typical response from clergy is, "Its easier to get an annulment nowadays."
Secondly, I know that you are an SA. I am still battling with admitting to that, but I would like to talk off line to you about it. Maybe, you can support me. I watched literally 1/2 - 1 second of MA movies the other night because I felt so lonely. The guilt afterwards was overwhelming.
Please email me. genesius@optonline.net

xxxx xxxx

<small>[ June 02, 2004, 11:49 PM: Message edited by: skye ]</small>

God has been speaking to me too in the past few months.

One thing is that my husbands unfaithfulness is simply another symptom of his spiritual condition, and that until he is in right relationship with God, our marriage is on the back burner.

When I met my husband I was overwhelmed with compassion for this troubled man, and his need for God should have been my first concern. But I was alone, and attracted to him, and we married.

Lately I have been sensing God saying to me that I have to let go of my desire for marriage and concentrate on being a friend to him, praying for him,loving him and never mind my own needs.

He left us, destitute last fall, mostly as a result of his sinful life. Today the Lord impressed on me that he is feeling like a failure and guilty, and pressure to provide, and that I can release him from his obligation to me by taking on the debts, and responsibilities that we share.( He isn't helping anyway.)

So I am not asking him for anything anymore, no money, no help, no demands or requests for anything, not even to phone. If he offers I will accept his help, but I am not going to hold him to anything.

Our house is falling down, I can't live there, no water etc., but God has provided me a safe place to live and work, and I feel secure.

I don't understand quite what God is doing, but I think it is that for years my husband has felt trapped by this marriage, a burden to have to give and provide what he doesn't have to give. I want him to know that he doesn't have to do anything, that I love him because I love him, not because I need him.

So in a sense I have laid my marriage on the altar.It is hard to explain.

Another thing God has been showing me lately is that I have to concentrate on doing my part, and not look at what my husband is doing. In a way that is between him and God, it is not my business. I am commanded to love him, regardless of who he is with or what he is doing.

So I am not concerning myself with what I see or hear. I guess it is walking by faith, not by sight, trusting that God is dealing with him, and jsut loving him.

In a way I feel like I am being freed from wondering, fretting about who he is with, about the future, all the what if's. It kind of sounds like I have given up on the marriage, maybe it was never a marriage in the first place. Until he is walking with God, I don't think there is any point in livng with him anyway, we were never on the same page, and it was a constant sorrow, a divided house.

What I should have done in the beginning all those years ago, was ministered to him as a friend. Now I guess I have that chance.

The other day I started to talk to him about the future, but I realise that was premature.

I am just going to pray for him, and if he calls or comes around I will be loving to him, think of this as an opportunity to be, not a wife, the 'millstone', but a friend, which we never were.

I guess I am setting him free, and if he comes back to the marriage someday it will be because he wants to be married to me. And I don't think that will happen until he is healed in his spirit.

Or maybe God is preparing me for a life of being a single parent. I was more or less alone even in the marriage anyway. At least now I am safe.

About 12 years ago, when I was unemployed, had more outgo than income, etc, God spoke to me in a dream.

I had confessed to Him that I was not a good steward of what He gave me, that I squandered my talents (in both senses of that word) and that I wanted to be forgiven and to return to work. I prayed and prayed over that situation. Then one night in May 1992, God spoke to me in a dream. I was in a Sunday School class and the teacher asked me to read Psalms 32. I kept asking if the teacher meant Psalms 51. No, Psalms 32. Well, in my dream, I could not find Psalms in my Bible. Well at that moment, I woke up, got my Bible and read both Psalms. (I'd not really studied, and may not have actually read either of those Psalms.)

If you look at them, Psalms 51 is David's Lament regarding his sin with Bathsheba. Psalms 32 is David's praise for being forgiven for that same sin.

Since I'd heard no study about those two Psalms, had no idea they were related. I had to believe that it was God who was answering my prayer back in 1992. I returned to work in about 30 days, just like I asked God to do for me.

Well as you probably all know by now, God's name is "Howard" to me...because when I was like 2yo, I learned the "Our Father" prayer and thought it said: "Our Father, who art in heaven, Howard is thy name..."

So when I pray, I talk with Howard just like I would talk with almost anyone...it's close and friendly, not big and scary. I don't ask for miracles and signs, because why should I when He can just talk to me?? Why all the drama??

Anyway, today is a good example. I had left work, was in a good frame of mind for relaxing and praying, and I was driving to pick up my D from school 1/2 hr. from work--a PERFECT chance to pray. I'll do my best to recreate it word for word:

"Hi, Howard. It's me. Wow, thank you for this AWESOME day. I love Colorado and the way you are so evident here. I see you! I had a good day today and I thank you for my job and my friends at work. While I'm driving here, though, I have something I need to talk to you about.

I have a friend, (name), whom I've been helping and it seems like we are at a fork in the road or something. I don't know which way to turn or what I'm supposed to do to help. What would you like us to do? Do you want us to do anything...or do you want us to just be still for a while and wait on you? You know what (name) needs to learn and frankly I don't know which way you want it to go, so please speak to me and tell me what to do next.

(Name) keeps saying they want to understand their spouse, but it's like they doesn't feel it. Some great progress was made in this other area and yet it's not being used...it's like we're walking around in circles and I wish I could just offer one second of my feelings so (name) could understand and feel it too. But he just DOESN'T! Aarrgghh. Howard, what do I do??"

Be still, child.

"Yes sir."

Think on that person and what they have said.

"Okay" (I think about the person and what that person has said about themself and where they are at right now).

Does (name) feel it?

"No!! Why not?? I don't understand! I've explained it 100 times and (name) does not have soul understanding! Why??"

Does (name) feel his/her own pain?

"Whoa. Good point. I don't know. I don't think so. I'll need to ask but I suspect (name) is aware they are hurt, but does not deal well with feeling their own pain."

Then how can (name) understand and feel someone else's hurt, when they can not feel their own?

"MAN! Good point!!! Okay--so that's one place we could work on maybe..."

Does (name) love themself?

"I think so, yeah. S/he has some self-esteem and is okayish but not real strong. Why?"

Does (name) see themself as I see them? Do they love themself as I love them? Do they know that I created them to be as they are?

"Boy, I don't know. Maybe not. In fact, I suspect (name) has heard for a long, long time that the way s/he is and the way s/he reacts is wrong and bad. So you're saying (name) needs to love themself?"

How can (name) love someone else when (name) does not love themself or see themself as I see them? How can (name) love their spouse if (name) does not see their spouse as I see them? Love is so much more than romance.

"Thanks, Howard. I appreciate this chat and I'll get right on it."

**********

It's weird, but that's the way God speaks to me. I relax my mind and He just talks.


CJ

I enjoyed reading the posts here.

For me, God speaks mthrough His Word. I believe that it's all we need to know the mind of God. I also pray, spend time with other Christians and in church, listen to Christian radio, guard my heart and mind from wordly philosophies, and read books by godly men and women. God "speaks" to me in these ways also-- usually in a way in which I hear or read something and am reminded, blessed, admonished, encourged, taught, etc. God uses those things to speak to us. ("as iron sharpens iron")

As for my marriage, God "spoke" when during the separation, I opened my Bible and did a study on divorce, remarriage, and love. I prayed, fasted, and went online and looked up many things on divorce (and remarriage)... statistics but mostly things by pastors or other Christians. I became very, very convicted as I came to understand marriage and divorce in the light of God and His will, His purpose, and His plan.

<small>[ June 12, 2004, 04:18 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>

InHisHandsNow,

Did I write your post? Maybe I wrote your post. It sure looks like something I could have written.

I, too, am a 21st century doubting Thomas. I, too, want to move on and pray daily for a good Catholic woman to come in to my life. I, too, get messages like you have been getting (no license plates, but homilies and things I hear on the radio which seem to specifically address my state in life, etc.)

I am divorced. Ex is living with my ex-friend far away. I am still at the stage where I consider her the worst kind of slut and whore, but I also pray for the grace of forgiveness to come in to my heart.

I am Catholic, and, yes, there is definitely a paucity of Catholic men on this site. I am glad to have a Catholic Brother in Christ here.

BTW, I am writing computer code, yet felt drawn to stop and come to the Prayer forum.

GB

I'm also a doubter. I have been kicking and screaming trying not to follow God's will. I know it's wrong and dumb, but I am frustrated with my entire situation. I give up though. I'll let God do all the hard stuff while I'll keep praying and focusing on Him. I need to do things His way and I need to forgive my husband. When they keep talking about forgiveness at church, I think God is telling me something.

Lunadove

LunaDove: When I asked God for his guidance, he responded in a variety of ways. I 'heard' him speak to my mind. I then asked for God to show me what I needed to know or learn from this situation. I was then shown where to look in the Bible. I was reading books on how to pray and listen to God. A christian bookstore would be most helpful if you need this guidance. The thing that I would add is this...you have to have quiet time daily with God to read the Bible and pray to God so He can hear you and most Importantly....you can hear God. If you are having trouble hearing God, then examine your life for unrepentented sin or disobedience or how you are asking in prayer. I hope this has helped you....Peace

When I start to think "I give up" I get a very unpeaceful feeling inside. I know that is the Holy Spirit saying "Oh no you don't, stop that at once!"

Also, I have dreams. One night I asked God to tell me what was happening with my husband and was praying this as I drifted off. I believe I was shown my husband and informed that he was feeling trapped and alone and stuck. Basically he was miserable and didn't know how to fix the mess he was in. I sensed that he really loves me and thinks I would be better off without him since he has hurt me so much. He feels better when he sees me write that I love him but avoids checking his emails because he is afraid I will write that I have given up on him.

I might have just dreamed all of this. But I have to tell you this "feels" like the truth. I just have this gut feeling that this is from God.

(BTW, God told me before my husband went on this trip that he wasn't going to come back as planned. I went to my H. and asked him and he assured me that he loved me and that I had his heart and he couldn't live without it so he had to come back as planned. But, then, he didn't... and here I am.)

(God told me again in a dream.)

I sense that God is telling me that my H. will be back. And that things will be very hard. I can't tell if we will survive or not. It almost seems like that is uncertain yet. But then, this could be wishful thinking. I never know until the things that I think God tells me really occur. (Which is most of the time.)

I married the man who has broken my heart TWICE. And both times, I sought God, and He brought me back.

The first time I broke up with my not-husband-yet, I prayed on my own and cried out to God. He gave me a lot of comfort. When I was at my worst, He touched me and took away my pain. I healed. I had no doubt it was God's work. Eventually, God brought him back to me. I was not a Christian then.

I wanted to continue having God in my life, but did not know which religion to follow. It is during this time I changed jobs and worked for a company that had Christian leaders. They led me to Christ.

The day I found out about my H's affairs, the first thing I reached for was the Bible. I read and read and read while waiting for H to come home from the movies. I sought God throughout our separation. Everyone I talked to was pro-divorce, even my counselor! The only person who said no, stay because God does not like broken marriages was my deacon at church. For a long time, I prayed if that was His answer, and now I am sure.

I am sure because I have chosen Christ, but did not behave like the wife He wants me to be. If I have chosen to love Him and thank Him for His blessings, the little I could do was to walk in His ways. My H was a believer. My other bfs were not, and I am certain God has meant us to be together. I've known H since I was 20 and we were very much in love for a long time. He has left God and turned to sin, but I know if I asked, God will bring him back and it is my greatest wish to have Him in our marriage.

I went away for a short holiday with my H last week. We stayed at a very charming hotel and had a good time loving each other. HOWEVER, I knew God wasn't there. I know it is not time for us to get back together, not yet. When I attended church on Sunday, I could FEEL God taking me in His care again. I felt so much comfort from Him at church. I felt His greatness. I could feel Him saying, not yet, Ruffled. I haven't finished My work. And I knew I was in the right place.

Things are going well for my H and I right now, but I know there's a lot more work to be done and God is guiding both of us. I don't see signs specifically (I often think I am blind!) but I feel right when I focus on God and not on man. I read a lot and sometimes what I read on As scare me, but I also know very very strongly, God is saying have faith, who but I can do everything.

Reading your testimonies on Prayer Requests also help me a lot, especially when I am faltering. I wish to thank every one here. God bless, R.

Wow, Ruffled, what a testimony of how the Lord has changed and "spoken" to you, and continues to. It is usually in the tough times that we turn to God. Well, we either turn to Him or we curse and harden our hearts towards Him. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

I hope and pray that God continues to heal and mend your marriage and that He draws your husband's heart back to Him. Have patience. The Lord will strengthen and direct you as you wait upon Him.

There is a very good book you might like to find. It is called "Because I Said Forever" by Heather Kopp and another lady (can't remember her name!). I think you can order it from amazon.com. There's two other really great books about how to be a godly woman and wife in the face of a husband's ungodliness. "How to Act Right When Your Spouse Acts Wrong" by Leslie Vernick and "The Excellent Wife" by Martha Peace. All are Christian woman and very good books that God used in my life to strengthen me and speak to me.

God bless and be with you. May He be your strength, your peace, your joy, and your hope! You will reap what you are sowing and your fight for your marriage will not be in vain.

<small>[ June 12, 2004, 04:21 AM: Message edited by: LoveMyEx ]</small>