Several months ago, I had told many of you that I was angry and decided that I was not going to allow my wife's family to enter the church during our D's First Holy Eucharist; they could only attend the party in our home afterwards. I was driving down the road and I felt God literally "slap me on the back of my head" and tell me, "How do you know that is not when I am going to bring Marie to My Heart."

Well, we are now less than two weeks away, and life at home has been unconfrontational because it hass basically been uncommunicational. I haven't lost hope but doubt is creeping in daily.

She went with our D, alone, to our D's best friend's First Holy Eucharist this past Saturday. This is the first time she was in a church in over 2 or 3 years. No reaction from her, good, bad or indifferent.

Am I hoping for a miracle beyond belief? I don't know. I know God can DO ALL THINGS! I am only doubting that my M being resurrected is what He wants for me. I DO know that He wants a deeper relationship with me; which I have been working on AND needs much more improvement.

I try to picture how Marie will be when God calls her to Himself? Sadly, I can't imagine the look on her face, the sound of her voice, the prayers she will say. Having known my W for over 14 years now, I CAN'T SEE IT!

Please pray with me as these days draw near. I have surrendered my divorce to Him: I have decided I am NOT hiring a lawyer if this goes to court (I was served this past Sept). I am leaving my outcome to the courts, and my wife, as God works in their hearts.

God's blessings,
Your faithful brother in Christ,
ItsInHisHandsNow (Genesius)

IIHHN,
Hello my precious brother. I wanted to respond yesterday, but I had to go out of town, and didn't have time. But I just want you to know you were on my heart.

Heavenly Father, we don't always understand Your will, but we have a hunger to know it. I ask that today You would give Genesius a peace beyond all understanding about his relationship with Marie. Give him confidence that You are handling the matter, and that he needs to release it to You. I ask that he would put every concern he has about his marriage, his future, and Marie's salvation, in Your hands. Lord, I ask that You would draw the poison out of Marie's heart. That the hurt, the betrayal, the anger, the pain would come out, and You would replace it with Your never ending, and unconditional love for her. Show her Lord, that sin is against You, Father, not her, and that You and Genesius have dealt with the issues. That the past has been repented of, and that he is a new man in Christ Jesus. The old man has been stripped away, and the new man is born.

Lord I ask that You would lay Your hand upon them both. That they once again will go down the isle, in purity, in love, and in honor to recommitt to one another. Till death do us part, in sickness and in health, for better or worse. And that this marriage will be sealed for eternity by Your hand God.
Let today be a new day in the relationship beween You and Genesious. Put a boldness and a joy in him that comes from knowing that all things are in Your hands. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!! And we praise You Father! We know You want our praise! We give You all glory, and honor, for You are worthy!!! In Jesus name. Amen

IIHHN,
Hello my precious brother. I wanted to respond yesterday, but I had to go out of town, and didn't have time. But I just want you to know you were on my heart.

Heavenly Father, we don't always understand Your will, but we have a hunger to know it. I ask that today You would give Genesius a peace beyond all understanding about his relationship with Marie. Give him confidence that You are handling the matter, and that he needs to release it to You. I ask that he would put every concern he has about his marriage, his future, and Marie's salvation, in Your hands. Lord, I ask that You would draw the poison out of Marie's heart. That the hurt, the betrayal, the anger, the pain would come out, and You would replace it with Your never ending, and unconditional love for her. Show her Lord, that sin is against You, Father, not her, and that You and Genesius have dealt with the issues. That the past has been repented of, and that he is a new man in Christ Jesus. The old man has been stripped away, and the new man is born.

Lord I ask that You would lay Your hand upon them both. That they once again will go down the isle, in purity, in love, and in honor to recommitt to one another. Till death do us part, in sickness and in health, for better or worse. And that this marriage will be sealed for eternity by Your hand God.
Let today be a new day in the relationship beween You and Genesious. Put a boldness and a joy in him that comes from knowing that all things are in Your hands. Praise God from whom all blessings flow!!! And we praise You Father! We know You want our praise! We give You all glory, and honor, for You are worthy!!! In Jesus name. Amen

<small>[ April 28, 2004, 09:43 AM: Message edited by: singleguy ]</small>

Quick update.
This Thursday is the rehearsal for our D's First Holy Eucharist. My W can't/won't go because she has no other time to get her nails done for next Saturday's Mass - D's First Holy Eucharist. I told her I would take the day off so she could do both and she agreed.
At dinner, with the kids, we always pray before we eat. I have added personal prayers over the last week, so has our D. Tonight, I added, "I pray for those who don't believe in God, that someday they will." "You mean Mommy?", said my D. "Yes, ...and others." "Well, Mommy is starting to." "What do you mean?" "Well the other day Mommy said, 'Patty is no longer bothering you and has become your friend; there must really be a God.'" *Patty (not real name) is a girl in the neighborhood and our her school bus who has been a verbal/emotional bully to our D. Now they have become friends. The thing was my W mentioning God to our D.
"Thank You God." I had asked Him for a sign when I was driving home tonight, bumper-to-buper traffic, that He was working on her. Long, good praying. I'm still a doubting Thomas, but God gave me this sign to ease my pain.

More later.
God bless,
Genesius

This is wonderful, Genesius! PTL!

Not really,
Please pray for Marie's Dad, Bill. He was a serious infection/virus (God only knows). Marie found today, he's been ill for the last 3 weeks. He's in Fla, and won't see his heart Dr. in NYC. He's stubborn. The thing is he was raised Episcopalian(sp) and rejected God before he married. Marie's Mom was Catholic and they agreed to not raise the kids any faith. Pray God touches him before he passes on (whether now, tomorrow or next year).
He was suppose to come to Noelle's Communion, but obviously, he won't make it. God, bring him to your heart.
As with everything else that happens to Marie, this brings about my affair. She is upset that her Dad won't be at Noelle's Communion; not for selfish reasons, but because very few family members are attending her Communion. So she feels she can't depend on her family, and having known that, she hoped she could depend on me.

I didn't argue, and she let out alot of feelings. She is feeling all alone. She is craving intimacy, as am I. But she doesn't want it with me. She wants to look up her ex personal trainer and hook up with him, go to a concert. She can't imagine kissing me let alone having sex with me.

I'm finding it hard to imagine her coming to God. She said I am getting deeper in my religion and her religion, is music. \That's why the concert. For the Communion, we will be sitting on either side of our D. She is angry, she thought she would sit with her relatives, and doesn't want to give people the wrong impresion .

Pray for me. My heart is aching for physical affection, intimacy, sex, emotional connection, spiritual connection, peace and love in my home. I want to stand next to Marie when she receives her first communion host. Will that ever happen.

Depressed, sad, alone, scared, etc.,
Genesius

IIHHN,
Please try to see this from a different perspective:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> She is feeling all alone. She is craving intimacy, But she doesn't want it with me.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She is exactly where God wants her!!! SHe has NO ONE to turn to, except God (and YOU!)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I'm finding it hard to imagine her coming to God.</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Why? I see Him arranging the circumstances now to where she will have NO CHOICE but to "hear" what God is trying to say to her........

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> For the Communion, we will be sitting on either side of our D. She is angry, she thought she would sit with her relatives, </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, and God has other plans!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

It seems to me your prayers ARE being answered, my friend.

You will be sitting in church, during your DD's Communion with your W along side your D..... GOD WILL USE THIS TO TOUCH HER..........even if you don't "see" it right now.

Go there EXPECTANT in His ability to use this situation.......

Begin NOW to Thank Him for the way in which He is "moving" behind the scenes, and the way the Holy Spirit will present Himself in her heart during the Communion service.

IT IS HAPPENING, my brother!

PTL!! \O/

lupo,
Thanks. Definitely, another set of ears, eyes, fingers <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> helps put things into perspective.

3 quick things.
She tells me met Nolle's classmate's mother in the party store yesterday. This is a Cathlic woman, whose D is also receiving Communion on Sat. I have been using her name in my "Her Relationships" prayer for the past several weeks.

Marie asked me if I remebered when we both ended up in the hospital with 'gastroenteritis' (Easter, 5 years ago). I said I did. She told me that her best friend had the same thing the past few days. I had asked God, a while back for a sign being for Marie to bring up the past, in a non-blaming incident. This was one.

I was working on the garden and told how many bags of mulch we needed and she said that that was just a ripoff from the industry; I didn't need 10 bags; she only used 3 bags last year. I got upset and told she was not a professional and some other stupid things. She conceded, and I quickly apologized. I told her I was tired from all the yard work. Then I conceded and told I was going to get only 5-6 bags.

Lastly, I just bought a new suit for D's Communion and a new shirt and tie to match. Marie commented about how the shirt being a poly-blend was not good, and how the people at the clothing store must not be to experienced to suggest such a shirt instead of 100% cotton. She showed concern; but I defended my selection by saying it was the only one I could find for now. She was showing concern for my appearence (as in the past) and all I did was defend myself (jerk <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ).

So God, IS working, but I sometimes to blind, impatient to notice.

"Abba Daddy. I thank You, for working in Marie's heart. For having several of the "signs" I have prayed for happen in one weekend. I also thank You, for blessing me with people like lupo, standing, sg, and others in my life, who show me the clearer correct picture of what is happening.
I am sorry for the sins have committed against You, and for my impatience now. I hope and pray that Your Will for me is to have a loving marriage with Marie, and I will do my best to "Wait on the Lord". Please send the Holy Spirit down upon me and give the divine gift of patience.
I also pray for You to encircle Marie's heart with Your Love and make Your presence known to her, so she will never have doubts of Your existence, or of how much You love her. Protect her from the evil intentions of men (and women) who seek to destroy Your convenant, my marriage and my family.
I thank You, Lord, for loving me enough to chastise and prune me so I can grow to be more like Christ.
I assk this request for Marie and my family, through the Power and the Glory of Your Son, my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Amen.

God bless,
Genensius

I NEED YOUR PRAYERS!

Tomorrow is Noelle's First Holy Communion. Thursday was a rehearsal, and Marie was bored, cracked a few jokes, rolled her eyes, cursed once, and generally thought (and said) what a waste of time this was. "I hope I don't see my brother <name> during this because he'll start cracking me up.", she said.
This was bad enough, but then last night she tells me, "When they do the shaking of hands <the sign of peace> Don't touch me. I don't want people to get the wrong idea." This really hurt me deeply. I can't fathom how she will be moved in any way tomorrow.
Then in the evening she accused me of stealing money (our tax return). I couldn't take her crap any more and lashed back mildly, but I tried not to at all. She is terrible at math, and we have a ton of bills, AND, she accused me in the past of taking "her inheritance from her grandmother". NOTHING I say means anything. SHE IS ALWAYS RIGHT. In fact, she said, "I am as close to perfect as anyone can be." When she gets that arrogant, I just wish God would shake her. She is so bleeping blind and there is not anything I can say or do (or anyone else for that matter). If she meets ANYONE that disagrees with her opinion of me and her divorcing me, they are weak, or stupid, or deserve being treated however. Christianity is for the weak, who don't know any better, who are so bleeped up (like Genesius) that its their last hope.

On May 5th, I was watching TV and lying on the sofa. From my view I can see up the stairs. She walked by to our children's rooms naked. I was immediately turned on. (I don't know she knew I could see her or not because any time she knew I was around and she was naked, she would quickly run behind a door, whatever. So I am writing in my journal later on and I remember that today, the 5th, was exactly one year ago she filed the TRO against me. Here's what I wrote: "It has been over a year (****) since she we had sex, since I saw Marie naked." The (****) is what happened when I wrote the word "year". There was a thunder storm outside, and a thunder clap struck within yards of the house, on that word "year" and IT SHOOK THE HOUSE. It was a LONG, LONG rumble. The walls creaked, the dishes rattled in the cupboard, it got me scared.
Also in my journal: "I AM TAKING THIS AS GOD TELLING ME TO STOP COMPLAINING, WORRYING, HE IS IN CONTROL."
Well based on what happened in church during rehearsal, and after, its difficult not to have doubts.

I know this was a long, long post, and please pray for me to accept what is going on around me. To believe that God wants my marriage, to Marie, to be saved. That EVERYTHING is happening as it should. That I won't feel so lonely, cry at night (heck, throughout the entire day). That I won't venture down with my sex addiction (YES, I AM A SEX ADDICT <img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" /> ) ever again.

Abba, Daddy, my Heavenly Father. I feel sometimes that I am an absolute phoney. I write good prayers, and posts here (I have been told). I pray the rosary at least 5 days a week. I read the Bible almost.....Wait a minute. God knows what I do. Father, I feel like a phoney. Like my faith is a passenger on a roller coaster. I believe in You. No. I KNOW You exist. I have felt You in my life. I don't feel that saving my marriage, or Marie, is Your Will (but only mine). Please forgive my impatience; send the Holy Spirit to me to "show e Your Will". You know I pray everyday for the affliction we talked about. I would glady lose a leg/arm/whatever to have my wife back. I thank You, Dad, for ALWAYS forgiving me, even when I am wrapped in absolute guilt for willingly disobeying You. Through the blood of Jesus, I ask this of You. Amen.

God bless,
Genesius

double.....

I finally figured out how this happens, tho. Sometimes you just hit Enter Key (with something else) <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> at precisely the WRONG time, and the computer thinks you're done posting, so it sends!

<small>[ May 08, 2004, 03:58 PM: Message edited by: lupolady ]</small>

IIHHN,

I trust DD's Holy Communion was the *wonderful*, blessed, sacred event it should have been. Would love to hear how things progressed.

I just wanted to make a small comment on your last post: Remember, my brother, The bigger they are, the HARDER they fall! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

I have NO DOUBT IN MY MIND that *when* - notice I said WHEN your W comes to Jesus, she is going to have a DYNAMITE testimony for Him!!! How she rejected him, she mocked Him, etc. UNTIL HE LOVED HER SO MUCH SHE COULDN'T RESIST ANY MORE!!

It IS going to happen. Believe. It will. It IS His will.

God Bless,