Why is it that the person that had the affair doesn't trust the other person? My H is the one that had an affair but now he doesn't trust me, funny huuuh! I don't understand it. We have been together since 7 th grade and I've never been with anyone else never given him a reason to suspect or believe that there has been anyone else but all of a sudden he doesn't trust me. <BR> He decided to spenf Turkey day elsewhere (not with me) so instead of staying home by myself I went off with friends. H called I wasn't here got mad and I haven't heard from him since and we had plans to celebrate T-giving today but he was a no show and he still hasn't come home. Part of me is ready to give this marriage up but then the other half remembers the good times we shared over the last 12 years and I can't just give it up without making sure I give all. I need some help in understanding this I betrayed you but now I don't trust you. Help

HI there,<BR>The only thing I can add to your question is something my counselor told me. Your husband sees others as himself. He is not trustworthy so he suspects that you will do the same. They seem to think that since they betray that we will return the "favor".<BR>They are not above suspicion and so they view you as untrustworthy. My husband has become extremely jealous too. He thinks I am sneeking around, and does not trust me.I thought it was so bizarre until my counselor explained his thought process. You can realize he was able to cheat he doesnt see that it would be hard for you to do the same.<BR>My husband was supposed to come over for T giving dinner and when he found out my Uncle and cousin would be there he said he couldnt face them. I understand how hard it would have been but I was hoping he would have more courage and not let his pride get in the way and think of his three kids more than how he was going to feel. I really see affairs as a sign of true self centeredness. I know he wasnt happy in our marriage(not before the affair), but he had other choices than to move in with another woman. Sorry, We were discussing your problem.<BR>Payers to you and your H,<BR>jules