I knew 5 minutes before he said it-"we need to talk"!

For the last 3 days, I knew something bad was going to happen, and it did.

H just don't seem to think things are working. This of all days, Mother's Day. he is determined to make sure I don't enjoy one holiday!

I thought things had been going great, except for the lack of communication, that I wasn't going to push, lack of affection, etc. That because all I've read was not to push conversation till he was ready for it. We haven't fought, I have become almost a complete different person thanks to God. I refuse to give up- I told him that and then I probably Lb'd because I told him that he has never forgiven anyone-no one! I think that is his biggest fault.

I am so tired of reliving this every few months, I am physically sick from the very thought of losing someone I love so much! I just left last night and screamed the loudest I could. I feel so alone. I don't know why this keeps happening.

Please pray for us, especially him.I will let God take care of this for us, I just need Mike to know he can forgive and we can get past this. He don't have the slightest idea how happy we can make each other. I don't want to fix the past marriage, I want a new one. I have done alot of growing up and have had my eyes opened by what I done. I have asked for forgiveness. I just need the chance to show him.
<img border="0" alt="[Teary]" title="" src="graemlins/teary.gif" />

I KNEW this was going to happen! What a Mother's Day gift!

I knew 5 minutes before he said it-"we need to talk"!

For the last 3 days, I knew something bad was going to happen, and it did.
Well, what happened?

Nevergvup,

(I could have written that post myself many times).

If he feels it isn't working, could you ask him to be more specific about how he wants it to be different or better ?

(Choose your timing, though. Don't ask him when he is tired or busy.)

Shul

Nvrgvup,

Are you still sleeping on the couch? Have you gotten angry with him about being gone and did you tell him so? If you don't want to share too much I understand, but this would be helpful in knowing what may have caused this.

I agree with Shul. Asking him anything while he is busy or tired is cause for trouble. I know I can never approach my husband about anything serious when he's tired. He gets very defensive & annoyed. Maybe you can tell him that you need to discuss what he mentioned in more detail. If he isn't ready to discuss it then, then let him pick the time & day to do that. Leave it up to him & let him decide when you two sit down together. This is very important. Since he is the one who doesn't want to talk about it, he needs to be the one to set up the time TO discuss it. This will let him come to you of his own accord & he'll be ready to discuss it. Just don't attack him, please! I have seen so much destruction when people do that.

Hope this helps a little bit. Let us know how things turn out. We'll be praying for you!

When I'm upset, I tend to vent to make sure it all gets out, What happened was H stated that our marriage just didn't seem to be working. For the past few months, we had been getting along, going to lunch together, he seemed to be enjoying his hobbies (a liitle too much), and we were getting along what I thought was great.

Then last week, I did start to feel like I was being walked on. I was working a few days, he went fishing during the day, was helping out at home. I just had this feeling of jealousy that too much time was being spent away from home and I was afraid to say anything. Sure I am glad he was enjoying himself. He always seems to push it to the extreme.

I never did start sleeping on the couch, things seemed to get better and he did ask if I was upset and I said I wasn't. I knew it would start something. He did help around the house, cooked supper a couple of nights and things were looking up.

I don't ask him anything. I haven't brought the issue of our relationship up. I thought I wasn't suppose to. Too scared of being accused of nagging.

In the past our communication was AWFUL. (Guess it still is huh?) I would be upset, he'd ask why and I'd tell him, and things would be immediately turned around, to where it was wrong for me to think like that Several times I found out it wasn't me. That he lied to me, so then that started jealousy and loss of trust. And here we are!

So now what? He's suppose to call tonight. I take this as a positive sign, this morning before he left, he did kiss me on the forhead and hugged me. He said he still cares. I don't think he sees us being able to get out of this rut. I have'nt had the chance to prove it. He don't know how much I love him. I haven't had the chance to tell him. It hasn't been spoken to me since Oct., and the only time I've said it was in notes. He always use to tell me he loves me, I felt so special. I ruined it, and I accept responsibility. How do I get my point accross to him. I'm not one for words.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">He's suppose to call tonight. I take this as a positive sign, this morning before he left, he did kiss me on the forhead and hugged me. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a good sign. Showing he cares is the first step.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I don't think he sees us being able to get out of this rut. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">This is a very valid point & I think one pursuing. I know when my H left, he felt as if the situation was totally hopeless. He felt that his love had completely died for me & that he would NEVER be able to get it back no matter how hard he tried. Well, that was how he first felt in February when he came back to. He reluctantly gave the M another chance & now, almost 3 months later, he has been initiating ILYs. He didn't say it when he first came back. He warned me of this ahead of time. He told me he wouldn't say things he didn't mean & at the time, he didn't mean ILY. Because he didn't love me. He CARED about me.

What I had to learn was how to deal with that & accept it. I prayed for God to show him that this M could be something spectacular. To open my H's eyes to see that I have changed into someone he wants & desires & after all this time, it finally happened. And for the last few weeks, I've been saying ILY to him & he responds with, Love you too. This bothered me as well because he never initiated an ILY. The other day I was having one of my insecure days & when we talked about it, I mentioned to him that it bothers me that he does not initiate an ILY, if in fact, he truly does love me again. He didn't realize he wasn't. So within the last few weeks, he has been intitiating ILYs.

I guess the point I'm trying to make is that I had to be patient & wait on God's timing. Sometimes we want everything now, now, now & our way. Sometimes we just need to wait on God's timing & then things will happen when they're SUPPOSED to happen. There is a reason why you haven't heard ILYs from him. If he would have been telling you that, he would have been lying. Then when all this broke out, it would have been even more devastating for you. All I can tell you is to be patient (I'm not very good at it either, but I'm learning SLOWLY) & pray over your H. I don't remember if you said you have the Power of a Praying Wife. If you do, pray the one about his M & his affection. This will help. Prayer always helps.

You have to remember that YOU cannot get your point across to him. God can. Maybe you're trying to push things to happen NOW & not letting God have it happen when He's ready? Just a thought. I don't know a whole lot - I'm kind of "winging" it here.

Remember, recovery is a PROCESS. You will have your ups & downs & it sounds like right now, it's a down. Remember to keep your faith strong, don't "force" your faith in his face & let God lead your decisions. He got you here - now let Him lead you the rest of the way.