Hi Everyone,<P>I haven't posted in awhile, but I've been reading the posts here. I've had some serious setbacks but I feel really strong today.<P>You see I've been on vacation, out of the office for almost 10 days. This is the first time I've been away from my OM for so long since we broke up. I was very scared and actually very upset before I left work. Me and my husband have gotten along so well and I know it's me. He's not doing a thing differently than he has been doing recently. <P>I have been more patient with him, little things he does don't bother me, I feel more at peace, more calm, I'm more loving towards him, I'm laughing more, I haven't thought of my OM half as much and when I do it's very easy to get him off my mind and I feel my marriage with my husband has hope and I'm not so depressed in general. I've actually slept so good this week, the best in months. I truly feel that I have made the greatest steps in recovery just this week. How can that be possible?<P>This is what you've all been telling me, I know. I guess I had to see it for myself. I just can't believe that no contact, at least for me, which means not seeing him, hearing him, nothing, could do such wonders on me.<P>I know what I have to do. The sooner I leave my job, the sooner I'll be happy again.<P>Thanks for listening and I hope everyone had a wonderful holiday.

Hummer,<P>Glad to hear the wonderful news !!!<P>Keep it up!

Hi Hummingbird...<P>Please don't stay gone...even when things get better. Especially when things get better.<P>I'm missing my OW terribly today and it helps to know that others have been here and it's getting better for them.<P>I know the feeling of being scared and upset about being away. I had even considered buying a notebook computer so I could stay in contact with her on vacations and trips.<P>Have you done anything special to regain your feelings for your husband? I've not been here long...does you husband know?<P>Apollo

Hey Hum,<P>Glad to hear about your break-through! Get that new job soon!!! It really does help! And now that I'm thinking about it -- shout out your break-through to Arik and any other betrayer who still works with their OP!<P>take care,<BR>--andy

Hummingbird,<P>All that you have worked so hard to learn is finally starting to pay off some dividends!!!! You sound WONDERFUL - it really becomes you!<P>Happy for your happiness....<P>Roll Me Away<p>[This message has been edited by Roll Me Away (edited November 27, 1999).]

Hummingbird,<P>What a wonderful post. I know you have much further to go, as you said you now know what people have been telling you. It is amazing what stepping away from things can do to the perspective. Keep going you are doing great .<P><BR>God Bless You and Your H

Hum<P>I agree with the rest of the replys. I am so happy for you being able to see that no contact is the way to go. As you know from my other posts that we left our church to have no contact. As hard as that was/is it has helped us more than anything. I hope you can find another job soon or transfer. Keep on keepin on.<BR>D and W

Hummingbird,<BR>So happy to hear this. So happy.<P>Could you look up Being a better Arik and tell him a little of your story? His wife is new posting here too under Patient Love. He intends to keep work contact, and although just breaking personal contact is a great start, I what you have learned would mean more.<P>Hummingbird, continue treating your H well, especially as you see him trying. Be very patient, since you realize your are seeing your H's faults and have minimized your H's good points for years because you actually conditioned yourself to do just that. It will take time to turn that around. However, just realizing you have that tendancy will help you remind yourself to keep your mouth shut, unless what is bothering you is valid and important.<P>Keep up the great work!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

I only have a second...I looked for you online. Just wanted you to know that I feel the same. These few days off have been the happiest in a while. What could that be telling us? We gotta work on this!! (job situation that is)

I agree too... I just wish there were <B>someplace else</B> I could work.<P>Yeah, I've had the good days off too... and will continue since the OM is off for another week... little blessings, you know??

Hi Everyone,<P>Thank you so much for your support . You know my hands are shaking already thinking I'll at work in a few hours.<P>RWD, Thank you, how are you?<P>Apollo13, I will keep posting when things are good and bad. Sometimes though it's hard. How long have you and your OW been broken up? It's been over 3 months for me. Time I think is the key as well as all the information you can learn from our friends here, books on affairs and there's a website <A HREF="http://www.survivingloss.com." TARGET=_blank>www.survivingloss.com.</A> It's very helpful. It desribes the stages of a loss and then moving on. Sometimes I feel I get stuck at at one stage or even fall back. I know what your going through and your OW is an addiction and it's going to take everything you've got to be strong. Believe me I fell a few times and I pray to God that I'm done. I want to be happy again, regain control of my life and the only way we're both going to do that is to get over the OP. Very good friends here have taught me that Love Enriches, Love Affirms, Love does not destroy, my affair almost destroyed me, I would of sacraficed EVERYTHING I had, worked so hard for, it is true insanity. No, my husband doesn't know but we have had discussions about our problems and we are in counseling. My affair was an escape from those problems. The hardest thing for me is to forgive myself and to admit to myself that the affair was a mistake. I had to keep justifying it in my mind. If I can help you in any way, I would be happy to.<P>Hi Andy , Thanks so much, big hug! I can't wait Andy, I can't wait to get another job. How are you?<P>Roll Me Away, I can't believe that being away from him had such an affect on my marriage and my attitude. I was actually relaxed and I felt I was letting my husband in and actually acknowledging his efforts. Even when I would think of my OM doing something better than my husband I would say to myself "but my husband can do this, and he can't". I was sticking up for my husband, I haven't done that in a long time.<P>Just Learning, It's as though that cloud lifted and I got a peak of things clearly. God, I'm scared of going to work today. I pray he leaves me alone, keeps his distance and I can't wait to come home. I know my road ahead is very long and I'm praying I'll have alot more of the feelings I had this past week in my life.<P>Duck & Weave, It will be very difficult to leave my job, I've been fighting it so much. It will be very emotional for me. I thought perhaps mentally I could handle it, I could be strong. I can't. I have to get away from him.<P>FHL, thank you so much, as always, your advice has made a significant impact on me. What would I do without you. I would be happy to help Arik. My husband is a great man. He loves me so much. He would do anything for me. Yeah, he has his faults, but what man doesn't. I have hope that I can feel that love I once I had for him. <P>Susan, I didn't have much time this weekend to get online. Maybe I'll talk to you later. I'm glad to hear your doing better.<P>NB, I'm happy to hear these past days were better for you, I'll look for you later online.<P>Thanks again everyone. Your prayers and help have been a God sent.<BR>