Thank You Shul,

I talked to my husband about calling our son in treatment. I gave him the number but forgot to tell him to call before 8:00pm. I called Garrett our oldest son and talked to him for a short while that he was allowed. I feel guilty for forgetting to tell my H that ds is not allowed phone calls after 8:00. Ds said he has tried calling his dad for several days and there is no answer. I told him I felt awful for him that my H is not trying harder to keep in contact and help ds and to try and help him through this difficult time in his life. I am still standing steadfast and God and Christ are holding my hand telling me I did the right thing. H said he still very angry with me for placing ds in treatment, and I am just being mean.

H told me he is definately quitting his truckdriving job because he hates it completely. He already has a job possibly through Schwans in De Moines Iowa, where the OW happens to live. He is strongly considereing moving there and getting his own place and he doesn't need much to get by anyway. He still says he can't forgive me for the past infidelity 2 yrs ago, I puch him into everything and he wants to live his life the way he wants to. I told him I confessed all my sins to God and asked for forgiveness through Christ name. That this has been a rude awakening to me and I am clinging to my Faith that God will help us all through this. He told me not to talk about God that he had or has nothing to do with this. I asked him why and if he still believes in God. He said he doesn't know anything now, how if feels, he doesn't believe a word I say, we've been there before, he won't go to counseling ever again. He is still very angry at me and everytime he thinks about me and talks to me It pis--- him off. I feel so rejected and I believe he is rejecting the kids, our marriage and running away from all his responsabilities. I told him how serious I take our marriage vows not and through God I am not going to repeat the past, live in it, or hold it against him or me. Please God help me through this. I have faith but I am so scared it won't work out in the end, because H doesn't want anything to do with me or any family or friends who lives here. He wants a new life. So do I but with him.

I am just going on and on about me aren't I?

In God's love, Marie

Paul says in Thessalonian 5:15 "See that no one repays another evil for evil, but always seek after that which is good for one another and for all me."

Marie,

I am kind of in the same boat.

My husband said all the same stuff. (He didn't mean half of it, he was depressed and upset with his life.)


Sometimes when they are getting close to the end of themselves, they can be really hard to be around.

But I think God has been working on your husband. You will see it better in a year or two, in hindsight.

For now you can do what I did, which is to get out of the way.

Don't take the blame for his stuff. He probably feels guilty, frustrated, concerned, but he doesn't know how to fix it , and his pride is getting in the way of asking God for help- turning his life over to God.

Let him be. If he leaves, let him leave. Be gracious, undestanding.

Listen quietly to him when he talks to you. Don't advise him.

Don't press him about God.

Let him know that you love him, you believe in him and that he will sort this out.

I have a feeling that its not that he can't forgive you- its that he feels like a failure with you , with the job, with the kids... and he is using the affair as an excuse. He probably thinks if he has been a better husband you would not have strayed. I think men take a wifes infidelity as a personal failure.

From the way he sounds so angry, he is convicted about some things, and he doesn't want you to rub it in his face. Being around you is a reminder of his failures right now.

This is a time for you to give your feelings to God, and be quiet and very gentle with your husband, no matter how you are feeling, or what he says.

He knows you are doing the best you can. Don't apologise for every little thing. It will just make him more angry.

Pray for him. Forgive him, and wait on God.

As for your kids, tell them their dad is gong through a rough time and ask them to be patient with him. Mine didn't call or ask about our daughter for months.

Things are getting better now. They will for you too, but it might take time.

I will pray for you all.