Can someone elaborate on fasting for prayer. I have heard of it scince I was a kid. I always felt that you had to be a very true christian to be able to do so. Like it was a privelage to the truly sanctified and deserving. I don't know if my church and family meant to instill these thoughts in me yet that is what I think. I feel I am so undeserving of God's Love and I keep punishing myself for the past sins I have committed. I have asked for forgiveness and yet my sister told me I have not truly forgiven myself. My whole side of the family has made it seem very easy to just pick up and leave their marriages. I am the only one who is not divorced. I have threatened it 5 times in the past 5 yrs. My H has in different words (If you don't like it GET OUT! or JUST LEAVE THEN!) I have beeged and pleaded and prayed off and on for years for God to intervene in my marriage and make us Holy again. My H was not was in a true Christian home like I was. He mother hides behind her faith and uses it to push people around to do what she thinks is right. I realized last night that so am I. I am not being physically abusive to H. Was I being verbally and emotionally abusive last night when I told him God is getting me through this, I have faith in him and Christ that I am and will keep becoming the Godly woman, wife, and mother, sister, daughter that he knows I and can be, wants me to be. I told H that I love him, he is my first and only true love. He is the father of our 3 little blessings. I know he can be a good person, Christian, husband, father, and friend. God has faith in him and so do I. Then after all the nice caring words I told him I screwed it up. I told him "I hope and pray God convicts you of all your sins and the OW of her sins, and she brings them to his light. I prayed to him that God sends and puts a hedge of thorns to keep him and her from sinning against God and him and OW and me and our children. I told him that I hope he had nightmares about what he is doing. I knew the minute it flew out of my mouth it was DJ. H said the last 5 yrs he has been everynight. I said well me to at times. He said he just can't be with me now, maybe in the future or maybe not ever again. He says he doesn't hate me but gets angry and p'd off everytime he thinks of me or talks to me. I told him I have a new part-time job starting Aug. 1st and waiting to hear about the part-time and full-time jobs and the daycare centers. I really am hoping that God helps me get the job at For Heavens Sake it will be part-time at first then they will switch me to full-time when school starts.

Is my H waiting to see if I will actually get a job and support myself and the kids? Why is he saying that he still wants to be part of the kids life and still saying he is moving out of state after he quits the truckdriving job he thought he would love and now abhores. H is considering moving in with his divorced OW and her 16 yr old son. How can he just dump us and get a new family. H told me OW name last night and said I could call her. Is he testing me for an ego boost and to fight for him and to take him away from the OW. I prayed for all of us last night. Yes I also gladly and some sadly prayed for everyone on the board too. How much can the power of prayer help. I am new to running back to God's loving arms. I still fill like I am using God though and being a hypocrit. Can someone please enlighten me on all these matters?

Oh H is still made at me for placing our 10 yr old son in treatment=ds has ADHD scince age 6 and Bipolar scince age 8. ds is a direct result of my marriage, mainly his family denial, and our inconsistantcy in discipline. Our other 2 children are doing very well disipline wise are still having some struggles but I see them becoming happier, less stressed, more mindful Godly children every day.

My H said see they always do better when he is not there. I said he was wrong. They love him, need him and want him. There are affected by this to. I told him I love him, need him and want him very much. I kept reminding him that God loves him and wants great things for him and me apart and only he knows if anything together in our future.

H asked me if I wanted to know anything about him, I don't even know him and the same for him about me. I don't know what to ask about except about his dreams and desires and faith. Help please.


PS My sister and Mother keep telling to quit dwelling on him that his actions don't match his words and he has moved on our marriage was over a month ago. I need to move on and just let him go. I know they are angry both our divorced and have not ever reconciled and do not wish to. I take much more of their ugly advice. I live with my sister and I know she means well. She told me to keep praying for H and have faith but don't be blind, H is gone and does not want to come back. H keeps saying he doesn't know what he wants, he is lost and numb and very angry at me.

When and if H quits this job he has another lined up he said he wants to know what I want him to do, do I want him to come home etc..

I told H with much Love I want him to be the person God wants him to be and to find happiness and conviction at the same time. I told H he is where I was 2 wks ago= Angry at the world and him. I am still working on my emotions with God's help, grace, love and prayers. I pray that he can let God in and eventually do the same. I told H that I can't force him to do anything. God gave him and every human free will. I just keep rebuking satan when I here him wisper and get upset all over again.

Should I call OW? I am still married but H seperated himself from us. I don't know what to do. I want to witness to her and tell her at the same time. If you want him take him and you be helping H pay 1200-1300 in child support and alimony for the next 13 yrs and 5-10 yrs.I am afraid to tell her of H and my past and that H is no angel, and she needs to wake up. He doesn't really want her. H is just substituting her for me, and her kids for ours. I have asked and pryed that God touch her heart and her teenage childrens hearts and let her know she is just as wrong as H and she is helping tear this family apart. H said he told OW that he is married and has 3 small children, and she doesn't mind a bit. She is 11 yrs older than H, divorced with 2 teenage children 16 yr old boy and 19 yr old girl. I don't know if I believe H when he says that OW knows he is married and has children. I don't think H told OW's son about us either. Can someone explain or advise what steps I should take next. I know I am still doing plenty wrong, and I still trying. Baby Steps. Thank You

In God's Love,
Marie

I have threatened it 5 times in the past 5 yrs

Don't do that.

Was I being verbally and emotionally abusive last night when I told him God is getting me through this,

Drop the God talk for the time being.You don't need to talk about yoru faith. You need to just live it.
Actions speak louder than words.


I told him "I hope and pray God convicts you of all your sins and the OW of her sins, and she brings them to his light. I prayed to him that God sends and puts a hedge of thorns to keep him and her from sinning against God and him and OW and me and our children. I told him that I hope he had nightmares about what he is doing

You can tell these things to God, but don't say them to your husband. It is manipulative.

Can someone please enlighten me on all these matters

Only God knows what yoru husband is really feeling. But I suspect that he is just frustrated and unhappy, and he doesn't really know what to do.

How you behave in the next while will influence him.

..I said he was wrong. They love him, need him and want him. There are affected by this to. I told him I love him, need him and want him very much.


Yes, he needs reassurance.


I kept reminding him that God loves him and wants great things for him and me apart and only he knows if anything together in our future.

Enough already.

H asked me if I wanted to know anything about him,

This is an opening. Say yes. Say you want to know him. That you will listen. And just listen. Dont talk! He needs you to listen, and to stop telling him how to feel, or what to do, or what God is doing etc.


My sister and Mother keep telling to quit dwelling on him that his actions don't match his words and he has moved on our marriage was over a month ago

Don't listen to them at all. Get away from them if you can. Keep your own counsel from now on.


H keeps saying he doesn't know what he wants, he is lost and numb and very angry at me.

He is being open and honest. He is sharing his feelings. He is trying to talk to you.

You don't have to say anything. Just listen quietly, and give him a hug whe he says things like that. He is having a hard time.


he said he wants to know what I want him to do, do I want him to come home etc..

Say Yes! I want you.

I told H with much Love I want him to be the person God wants him to be and to find happiness and conviction at the same time.

Enough God talk, really. He already knows. You are laying it on too thick. Are you trying to guilt him into staying?


Should I call OW?

No. This is not about her. She is nothing.

It is about your husband feeling bad. And you can build him up if you try. Start meeting his emotional needs, esp. for admiration.

Shul