I recently posted about my marriage problems on the Emotional Needs board. Basically, my husband has turned from his Christian life and call to ministry, and is now working in bars/nightclubs. Everyone but me seems to be convinced he is unfaithful. Everything about him has changed- personality, language, values, everything. He lives and acts like a single man. He no longer wants to be married to me, he says I am not compatible with the person he has become.

My husband has refused any type of marriage counseling, and does not want me to discuss our problems with anyone. I have been advised in this forum that plan B (leaving until he stops living a single lifestyle)may be necessary.

I believe that it is God's will that every marriage succeed. When a marriage fails, it is because one or both spouse are turning away from God's will. I cannot control what my husband does. I cannot make him stay with me anymore than I could have made him marry me. All I control is what I do. I am convinced that marriage is for life. I promised to love, honor, cherish, and be faithful to him NO MATTER WHAT- there were no conditions (as long as he stays with me, as long as he honors his vows, as long as he is legally married to me). I promised to be faithful to him as long as we are both in this world, NO MATTER WHAT. I am totally committed to that. Even if he leaves and obtains a divorce, I will remain faithful to him and continue to see myself as his wife. I will stand for the restoration of our marriage, no matter how long it takes.

My husband is a Christian, and was called to be a minister. He is about as far away from that purpose as he can be right now. If he leaves our marriage, that will complete his 180-degree turn from the direction he should be headed in. But I firmly believe that someday, whether it is tomorrow, 1 year from now, or 10 years from now, he will listen to God calling him and return to the path set out for him. And when he returns to that, I will still be there waiting, even if he has left our marriage in the meantime.

It is what might happen until then that scares me. I KNOW God is in control, and I know all things will work out according to his will if I am faithful to what I know is right. But I love my husband, and the thought of living without him, alone, knowing he will be considering himself single- I can barely stand the thought of this. I know God will help me get through it, but it will be so hard. And I pray our marriage will not get to that point.

Please pray for my husband. Please pray that he will return to his relationship with God, and humbly seek God's will for his life. Please pray that he will return to his commitment to our marriage, and that our marriage will be built with Christ as its foundation, as it once was.

Please pray for wisdom, strength, patience, and guidance from God for me. My husband has made it clear he does not want anyone else involved, but I feel that I should seek individual counseling from a pastor on what my actions/words should be in this situation. Please pray that God will show me if I should do this, even though it is against my husband's wishes (I have always tried to submit to him as a Christian wife should, but I'm wondering if this should be an exception).

Thank you so much.

{{{Pemberly}}

I sense strongly that your husband is having a spiritual crisis, and that it will be used by God to make him stronger in his faith.

This is not about you.

Pray for him that truth will be made all the clearer by the time he spends and the things he sees in the world.

I sense that he doesn't want pastoral interference in particular- that there is something he wants to discern on his own, without being influenced by another.

God is with him wherever he is, and all these things will be used to prepare him for ministry in a more effective way one day.

As for you, just wait, pray, and listen to your husband. Don't assume that he has turned from God. Dont'see yourself as on opposing sides.

Let him work this out, and be his listening ear.

It is going to be okay, I can see Gods hand in this.

As for counsel, ask God to teach and counsel you in this. Let the Spirit be your companion. And ask God to put someone in your life for encouragement and support if He deems it best.

And you still can talk to your husband. He is not gone, just on a journey, I think.

Pemb,

I essentially agree with Shul. This is all about HIM. This is his battle, his distance from God, his struggle, his mess.

HOWEVER, there is one place I'd like to respectfully disagree with her advice. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

Shul, you know I love you, sis. BUT - remember this always: this is a spiritual battle.

I think Pemberly needs to be intervening for H. Pemb, go out TODAY and get a copy of "Power of a Praying Wife" by Stormie Omartian. You need to pray each chapter over him, keep praying....EVERY DAY!

Your H needs spiritual strength. He obviously has strayed away, has left God, is participating in things of the world. He is in danger, and as his God-given W and help-meet, it has become your responsibility to "stand in the gap" for him while he is lost.

While I agree w/Shul that this isn't about you. I wouldn't want you to think that "there's nothing you can do now." Please DO WHAT YOU CAN. That would include praying for him, doing battle against powers, principalities in high places for him, etc.

Remember, whenever a couple draws closer to God, this invariably draws them closer to each other. Even when only ONE is drawing closer to God, it WILL draw the other closer..........God promises.

God Bless you.

Pemberly,
I'll pray for you as well. It IS a spiritual struggle, as my new C pointed out to me in our first session (Wednesday, of all days, the first time I've done the fasting prayer against infidelity). If you don't have a Christian counselor, see if you can find one: the power of prayer combined with good counseling is awesome.

My WW went to see her attorney today, came home, and we had a pleasant conversation about child custody and division of assets -- she's still convinced she (36) and OM (58) are meant for each other, of course, but she also was happy for me to take the kids to church (first time since she suddenly quit her job as organist last week!) and she's planning to go to church "somewhere" and look for her "new spiritual home." She also LIKED my very Christian counselor and would like to have some joint sessions to "mediate" our differences and help us be better parents. This after less than a week of Plan B! The A has been going on for just about 6 months now; her spiritual crisis, for most of the 18 years I've known her and all of the 14 years of marriage.

Know that God can do far more than we can hope or imagine, and that He is there for you always -- most especially when you can't "feel" him.
SurvivingInNC

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Your H needs spiritual strength. He obviously has strayed away, has left God, is participating in things of the world. He is in danger, and as his God-given W and help-meet, it has become your responsibility to "stand in the gap" for him while he is lost.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I agree with Lupolady. You have work to do; to intervene in prayer, to love him.

I don't know why , but I sense that he is going to grow from this time.

Stand by him.