I found out just a while ago that he took the day off and he is in town at her place. He drove all the way there, drove right past here.

Apparantly she is planning on going out to his place for the weekend.

I haven't even seen where he lives.

I am just sick about this . If he was really just using her like he said, to get his van and stuff, he would not still be with her right now.

This is him choosing to be with her, going out of his way to be with her.

I called him and he lied and said he was at work.

He said he is planning to come here on Saturday.

I am about ready to give up . I don't even know what that means though because I feel like I am trapped- stuck married to a man who doesn't want me, alone for the rest of my life.

I thought he was done with her and that he just needed a little time alone and that he would start to come around, come to his senses, want to be with me, be willing to work on things and that we would slowly start over.

He was calling me the past few days, but now he is with her, and lying again.

I don't get it.


It seems like she knows all the right things to say and do to keep him going there, hooked. From things I have read she knows what he likes and she makes him feel good about himself.

With me all these years he seemed like he just wanted to be free, there was not friendship, no talking , no intimacy, he acted like he wanted to escape from jail.

I feel powerless to do anything, and it seems like the deck is stacked against us ever making a relationship work.

He is so messed up , but he seems to be fine with her. They have this great friendship and I guess she gives him the kind of sex he likes.

No commitment, no expectations, just fun.

I would have loved to spend the night at his place, been alone with him, just to have fun.

But there is too much hurt and lies and stuff from the past. He feels guilty and trapped and I can hardly say anything to him without him getting upset.

I hate writing this negative stuff. I need to ptay that God will turn this around, but it all seems hopeless right now, impossible.

I jsut sit here waiting, like I have been doing for 18 years, and nothing has changed.

I am very depressed and upset right now, and I can't see any light.

This hurts so much.

Shul, I know you are in pain right now. I can hear it in your posting.

Just a couple of quick things...and you may not like them and while I do not mean to offend his actions are SPEAKING louder than his words.

You are right when you say that there is nothing you can do. He is making his choices. YOu are powerless to change him.

Those changes will come from within him, from God and God will only work in his life if he allows it. God is a gentleman. He does not impose himself on us. He can make it uncomfortable, hard, place obstacles in our way, however...it's ultimately our choice.

My prayers are with you for peace, emotional healing and love. I know this hurts....I understand and we all care for you on this board. Please take care of yourself and you can't take care of yourself if you are constantly worried about your husband. Pray for him, yes, and release him to God.

Hugs,
Angelia

<small>[ July 22, 2004, 12:30 PM: Message edited by: angelia ]</small>

Dear Shul,

We are with you, He is with you, our prayers are with you.


God Bless You,
Love in Jesus' Name, Amen

George

Hi all,

My husband is here. He arrived last night for a visit.
So far so good, but if anyone is reading this please pray!

Thankyou

PRAYING!!!!

Shul.......lots of praying!! keep us in yours....

PEACE OUT

Shul.....don't know where you went to lady but I am praying for you......

PEACE OUT...and IN!!

Shul,

Boy, does your H sound so much like mine! Some examples:

I found out just a while ago that he took the day off and he is in town at her place. He drove all the way there, drove right past here.

I would ask H to come by & have lunch where I work & his answer would always be no, that he didn't feel like travelling the distance yet his "friend" lived 6 miles from where I work & he was there every day.

With me all these years he seemed like he just wanted to be free, there was not friendship, no talking , no intimacy, he acted like he wanted to escape from jail.

Exactly the way my H felt for years yet didn't say a word. Afraid to rock the boat. Afraid to make waves. He mistakenly thought that if we were "getting along" it meant everything was fine. In the meantime, he lost himself & became someone whom he didn't like. He needed to get away by himself for a while & discover who he really was. It was all about him, a soul search, if you will, & now he's come back knowing full well who he is, what he expects from me, what he expects from himself, knowing how he wants his M to work.

No commitment, no expectations, just fun.

This really struck me. Is this what he craves? Fun? If so, are you fun to be around? My H told me many times that I had become boring. Just living my life day-to-day, weekends staying home, not doing much of anything except cleaning the house & renting movies. What he tells me now is that I'm fun. I'm not so "uptight". That I can let loose & have a good time.

My H told me that he was unable to share with me his deepest thoughts without feeling criticized. That right away I would "shove" God on him & he felt dragged, if you will, toward God instead of letting him get there on his own. What he "shared" with his "friend" was a friendship that neither one of us gave the other. He was able to talk to her about ANYTHING. She would laugh at his jokes, she would LISTEN to him share his thoughts & not give her opinion in a condescending way. This became very important to me. I had to take a hard look at myself & realize that when I spoke to him, I would be very opinionated & when he tried to share his views, I would criticize him instead of listening to him. Agreeing to disagree so to speak.

Your H said he feels guilty & trapped. He will feel this way as long as he is following this path. The good news is, that you are being his beacon of light. You are showing him the way back home. Angelia is so right. You cannot do anything about your H's choices. Only about your own. And I do believe that if you continue to love him, pray for him, and keep improving yourself, things will happen. Your H will take notice that you are a different person, you are growing. You will like who you become. You will get closer than ever to Your Father who loves you very much. And in the midst of all this happening, you might even be blessed with your M being repaired.

Hope you're having a better day. Prayers and hugs coming your way!

Standing,

Yes, we have so much in common!

I am doing the same thing- trying to focus on loving him and letting God deal with his heart.

From the way he has been acting I think he is starting to wake up.

He showed up here on Saturday night (I guess after he drove the ow home).

I had to pretend the whole time that I didn't know he had been with her. It served me right for snooping.

But when he walked in I could tell something was up.He seemed anxious, nervous. I told him that I had tried to call to tell him that he didn't have to come after all, and he said he wasn't here out of obligation - that he missed me and wanted to see me.

I think he probably got fed up with ow and lost his temper with her or something. Maybe she was starting to LB or make demands- infringe on his freedom or privacy. A big no no. Her b/f says she was in a bad mood when she got back.

Whatever happened, he sure was being nice to me.

Anyway we had a really nice day on Sunday, went to the beach, and he spent time with our daughter. She has missed him so much. We actually had fun.

No relationship talk, No LB's.

He came here again last night. Our daughter is away at camp so it was just the two of us here. He got his 'needs' met.

Now he is saying that he will try to come here once a week at least.

I am ok with that for right now, but I want to be married.

I know that we can't live together until he gets on the same page with God.

I did make a comment last night for him to think about- planted a suggestion, if you will. I told him that he left me in a vulnerable position. He asked what I meant, and I said " emotionally and sexually vulnerable."

He got the message. All these years he has been playing around and mistreating me, abandoned me, neglected me...he has been so wrapped up in his own stuff I don't think it ever occured to him that I am easy pickings for some guy to move in where he vacated .

He just always took it for granted that I would be here. But in the past two years I have lost a lot of weight, started dressing more flattering, makeup. I look alot different than what I did before. I think he really just noticed this weekend.


When he left me , I ran to the Father for support. It is as if I am living in my Fathers house, under his protection and provision, and I almost think if my husband wants me back he is going to have to go to God about it.

This morning I felt depressed, wondering if maybe I was a bit hasty letting him back into my bed, but I guess I shouldn't second guess.

He said last night that I was alot more fun now, that before he felt like I was too religious to have fun- that it was always 'making love', and he wanted to just have fun and play.

I feel like I am his mistress. I truthfully don't like who he is now. I love him but I don't like this person. I don't think he likes himself either. I have lost respect for him. If he wasn't my husband, jsut a guy I met, I wouldn't have any use for him.

I guess I will just keep praying and like you said, let him get there on his own.

Standing, I was starting to feel really depressed this morning, and your post came at the right time. You really helped me see this better. Thank you.