I thought I was gone from here, that my life was getting so much better. I don't recognize a lot of the names here. I guess other have moved on too.<P>For those who remember me here's my latest...<BR>We were doing so well. Incredible as a matter of fact. Living together, happy. Good and bad times ( had a scare that he was getting sick again). Even though I gained all that I lost and then some, I still believe he loved me and that he would let me work it out (or off) in my own time.<P>We had an arguement abotu holidays on Thanks giving which led to us spending it apart and me sleeping at my folks that night. When I saw him the next day he said things were moving too fast and that this isn't where he wants to be. He claims it's all his fault for leading us here but he's decided he doesn't want to convey the message he's conveying anymore.<P>I left in tears. That was yesterday.<P>------------------<BR>What does not kill you, will only make you stronger!<P>

hi ta, I am sorry you left in tears...how are things this afternoon? Any contact? Maybe you could hold off if you are trying to initiate contact? <BR>He is telling you he feels pressured, smothered. Though there is no apparent reason to you, but something is amiss in his mind. Nothing wrong with asking for time alone when one needs it, just like asking for help when you are down. TA, you both still have a lot of sorting and growing to do! And he has a serious illness that he faces everyday. This may just be a bump in the road, so try not to make it a huge deal? <BR>I am not minimizing your feelings at all. They are most important, but don't let yourself go off on a tangent. We have enough real issues to deal with, right? So lets not get our panties in a bunch quite yet. <BR>Can you leave him a message? Maybe let him know you love him, will respect his need for time right now, and are at __(place)__ until whatever date if he would like to reach you. <BR>I guess I look at that as a huge plan a love deposit from you!! Address his needs, give him what he wants, and he will respect how thoughtful you are?

TA,<BR>It takes time to heal. And there will be rough patches--all relationships have them, even more so when we are looking at relationships as stressed as the ones on this board.<P>Take a little time. I didn't go with my H & kids to his hometown this weekend so that I could have some space to think.<P>God Bless<P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>

TA-I remember you, and I was hoping things go well for you, as things seem to be going for me. I've come to the realization as well that things go up and down as well. Sometimes the ups are really up and sometimes the downs are really really down, I hope this is how it is for you. <BR>I will be saying a very special prayer for you and pray that it might just be the tension from the holidays building up in this and it's something the two of you will work out. May God Bless you!!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>

TA,<P>I do not know your story, but sorry that things are not going so well right now. One thing to remember is this - even healthy relationships never touched by infidelity have some arguments and major upsets in them. It is more important that you and your H settle the argument and not let it beome a rift between you two. You have obviously overcome alot already. Think of this as a temporaty setback - the horse bucked you - now get up, dust yourself off and GET BACK ON THAT HORSE!!!!<P>Pulling for you.....<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Thanks, I appreciate it. Tried to keep myslef busy most of the day. I feel so weird being at my parents house, this isn't my home anymore. My sister thinks I should just find a place of my own for a while. It's only been a day ,but it hurts so bad. I feel like he's gone. On average I spoke to him about 4-5 times a day then went home to him. Can you understand why this so so hard? I miss him sooo much. I miss my son (our kitten) who sleeps with us. I haven't heard from him at all today. [I'm crying profusly right now] <P>He tells me it's not me, but I can't help but think it is and I am starting to wondering what he is doing. [[[Bad thing to do]]]<BR>I am very good at tearing myself apart. <P>------------------<BR>What does not kill you, will only make you stronger!<P>

TA, are you still there? You need to take a deep breathe, get yourself calm. It will be fine, you will be fine. Wish we lived closer, but this will have to do. Deep breathe, blow it out. <BR>It is okay for him not to call for a day. Keep this in persepective TA!!! Deep breathe, say some prayers, and focus. <BR>No big decisions for a few days, you are just too fragile right now. Are you taking meds? Counseling? <BR>So, keep taking nice slow deep breathe, bring yourself into focus.<BR>Your kitty will be just fine too. He can sleep without you for a night or two. Course he misses you but he is warm and safe. <BR>Nice deep breathes. You are strong, you are intelligent. You know that it is ok for people to spend time alone thinking. You have done it yourself. So let it go for right now and focus on where you want to be next month in your relationship. You will do what is right to get yoruself there. <BR>You are going to be fine. Stay calm ta, nice soothing music, maybe some yoga, candles and a glass of wine. Hot bath? Herbal tea?

CL- ARGHHHHHH!<P>I feel horrible. I never purposely had time to think by myslef, some always decided for me.<P>I know I know he has a right to do what ever he wants, but it's such an extreme. One end of the spectrum one day and the other end the next. My Mom says he needs to realize what this does to me. I wouldn't talk to her about this except I don't have any friends that live near me anymore. HE is everything to me outside my family.<P>Yeah, I know the kitty will be fine. He loves the little guy. I just worry too because the cat has been sick. And besides, he got the cat for me!<P>I can't think of what's going to be in a month because when I think of being without him CHristmas and NY's it makes me cry.<P>I might consider the late night bath ( it's 11:19 here).<P>No more meds, no counceling, just me fighting my own deamons.<P>Thanks for being there for me. You are wonderful!!!

TA,<P>Listen to cl - go take that bath and just give it a rest for tonight. You need to try to sleep and then you can think more clearly tomorrow.<P>Sending hugs and caring via e-waves:<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{tornapart}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Good night!!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Thanks RMA,<BR>this always helped. Coming here also prevents me from doing something stupid. I guess I need to stay more in touch. I shouldn't always show up when I am down looking for a handout. But thank you for the hug.<P>My mom just got home and said she had some stuff for me to do tomorrow (Great!) I know I need to take one day at a time, but its real hard to see past the tears you have right now.

TA,<P>Don't think of it as just showing up when you need something.....<P>Think of it as having a WONDERFUL place to go when you NEED something (the glass is half empty/half full kinda thing..)<P>Glad you will be busy tomorrow - something to divert your attention even if for just a little bit!<P>Talk to you tomorrow....<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

hi ta, howz things this morning?<BR>Your mom is wise, but she is still your mom! She is right that he needs to know how this hurts you. And she needs to show how much she loves you! <BR>I think he does know that it hurts you, but he is so lost right now, making your pain less of a priority than his own. You have never mentioned in the past that he is narcisstic, so I assume that he he does put you first sometimes? Let him have a little space no matter how hard it is for you. Just remember you are going to be fine.<BR>What is this that you never took time to be by yourself? Is it scarey? Or just to new, too different? I love to be by myself, just to absorb the peace, the smells, to feel, to think! Don't be afraid or reluctant to be alone and get to know yourself better. It is really easy to get out of touch with our selfs when we have busy lives, lots of people, lots of responsibilities, and we are depressed. Maybe this is a good day for that in NY? Kind of misty cold weather here, perfect for a nice walk with gloves, hat, coat, and dogs. Sometimes I let my mind wander and sometimes I focus on an issue I have. Take a paper and pen if it helps you keep things straight when you come up with new ideas, things you want to learn about, new goals, silly phrases, people issues, past pains, WHATEVER!!<BR>Do you need help for depression? You have been there before, so I hope you know the warning signs and will seek help if you are at that point. <BR>My mom has taken drugs for depression a few times. Recently there has been a lot of death in the family, and associated issues that sent her back into depression. She did not get treatment for it for months because she thought it looked like she failed again-like she was weak and fragile. Well, she is fragile right now-she got that right! And what she failed at was NOT seeking help when she kept sliding. She is doing quite well now, back on meds, coping with issues, trying to find some order in her life again, understanding her own newly diagnosed physical illness, grieving the deaths in a healthy way.<BR>TA, I urge you to do things that are healthy for you. Spend some time getting to know yourself. You will be so excited at what you find! Your strength and courage is amazing and I think you will like what you see. Now, don't be hard on yourself! Be nice to yourself. You are a wonderful person with so very much to offer. <BR>Go TA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (((hugs)))

I did talk to him and I did get to see him. I unfortunately don't have much privacy at my new job so the details will have to wait until lunch of when I get home. This is very painful now, because has to make a decision and he is leaning towards ending it.<P>------------------<BR>What does not kill you will only make you stronger.<P>

OK, I can't take this anymore it's too much!!! Not only do I have the "I don't know if I want to spend the rest of my life with you." SH*T, but no after getting frustrated over the cat's eye problem, and finding an eye specialist I get another whopper. Hecall a bunch of vets in our area to see what they had to say and the conclusion was either FIP (which he's been tested for) or Herpes. Here comes the illustrioous herpes crap again! He probably figures I gave it to the cat.<P><BR>I really can take this, I am shaking like a leaf. I am going to have a nervous break down. I am trying to breath and this is not the end of the world. I'm at my mental end here, stuck at work. Trying desperately to keep my sanity.<P>HELP!!!!!