I haven't heard from my husband since he called to tell me that he was in an accident. He is in the city now, as far as I know, at the ow's house.

I am trying to understand what God is doing, so that I can pray, and also know how to respond when he contacts me.

Last week , when I didn't call him, (after he found out I met with the ow) he started calling here- I think in a bit of a panic.

From what he said I know that he was really struggling at a crossroads, spiritually.

(Feeling guilty, not wanting to feel guilty etc.)

Now he has lost his van that he has spent so much of himself on in the past year. All his energy and time has gone toward this van. He was desperate for a vehicle to be able to work, and also for the sense of freedom. He has lamented for years that he hates to have to depend on other people for rides. It is a feeling of being trapped.

The months that he was in the city he relied on ow for rides everywhere.

Now he is back at square one. This will be a huge setback in his mind. I can imagine how discouraged he is. This might affect his work. It has also been raining here for the past few days, which means he can't work.

I see all these things happening at once, calamity.

Several years ago, sudden events similar to this propelled him back to God, and back to me.

In that particular case, the person who he had been involved with, turned on him. I am praying that the ow will too.

I sense that he is at a turning point, that he is nearing the end of himself.

I except he will call me in a day or so, and I am not sure what my response will be.

The past day or two I have felt repulsed by the thought of what he has been doing. I am having trouble picturing a future with him right now.

But these are just feelings, and I am not giving them too much weight.

I love him and no matter what I want to see him healed and set free.

I have pretty much surrendered our marriage, our relationship, or at least set it aside.

I had been getting lots of attacks of discouragement , but I also sense that God has this in hand, and that I am not to be dismayed.

I guess all this is just to say, that I think this is a crucial time, and to ask for prayer support today, for him.

And for the Spirit to guide me in my part in all of this.

I have been wondering if this is a time to drop a plan B type bomb on him if he calls.

I feel that I don't want contact with him while he is still with ow.

I am praying hard these days that God will break, crush and destroy that relationship. It seems like the time.

One thing that happened- he was feeling indispenable with the help he was giving in my job, and now I have made other arrangements. I think he will be hurt to find this out, that he isn't wanted for that. It was his excuse for coming here, seeing us. Now I don't need him. I don't know quite how to tell him that.

don't know quite what to say, but prayers are w/you and your H.

I can't explain this , but I think he has turned the corner.

only God knows shul and continue to pray, RR

RR,

This might sound crazy, but I have been praying for insight on how to pray, and something happened the other day.

I started out talking to God and praying for my H, and it as as if I sensed that what I was praying/ speaking was happening right that minute.

So I kept on. I envisioned his thoughts and what he was feeling right then, almost like I was there- a fly on the wall-and I prayed him right out of that ow's house, and out of her life.

(I found out the next day that he took the bus that night back to where he lives).

I have been speaking to him as if he is in the same room with me and the Lord. Speaking truth. and I believe that somehow God is putting that truth into his mind.

I think it has to do with us being one flesh, but many times I can sense what is going on with him.
Its not always what I want to know, but it helps me know how to pray effectively.


I know in my heart that he is at the end of himself, that this recent circumstance was the final straw, and that he is having to deal with the reality of what he has done with his life, that he has made a mess of things.

I know that he knows the only way to have peace is to get right with God, to stop doing the things he has been doing , and start following the Way.

Right now I sense that he is scared that he has lost us and trying to figure out how to get us back. But God will show him what he needs to do.

I have been wanting to write him a long letter, but I'm waiting on God for permission about this.

Maybe this way is better.

Does anyone else feel this connnection with their spouse?

no i can't really say i feel that connection w/my H. i kind of just don't feel like i know him anymore. everytime i say i don't think he would do that or i think he would think this or that, i just catch myself because i never in a million years thought my H would have an A and here i am. he is just not that kind of person, but of course we all know differently and that it can happen to anyone.

course i'm sure you know that when we don't know what to pray or how that the holy spirit is there to do that for us and turns anything wrong we say into something right. i don't know if you have ever heard of Dr. charles stanley but he has tons of messages on prayer and they just speak right to your heart. i think you even maybe able to listen to them online. his website is intouch.org and you can certainly order any of his tapes, cd's, and books. i wrote a letter to him last month and just got some things in the mail (a book and 3 cassettes) free of charge in response to my letter. what a real blessing that was and of course the timing of it was by God's providence given the last conversation i had w/H.

it sounds like you have come out of your "funk" and am glad of that, knew you would. keep doing what you are doing. we all know full well that our WS will realize what they have done and regret it. but when or where (could be after death) is only known by God. continued prayers to you and yours, RR

Thanks RR,

Yes, I am very familiar with Charles Stanley.

His teaching has been a great encouragement to me over the past few years. I get the devotional in the mail.

I especially like his teaching on unmet needs.

I am trusting that God is bringing my husband to his senses, but as you say, we don't know when that will be.

I think it will be soon, He has exhausted every other path, and found no happiness, so all that is left is Gods way.

In the meantime I am building an ark.

I did this once before when he left me- I moved in a building for a workshop for him while he was gone, a place for him to have privacy and space.

Everyone thought I was nuts, that he was gone for good, but sure enough he came back, and he was pretty happy with the shop for awhile.

It is in ruins now, same as the house.

Anyway , this new ark will be a business that we can all do together, it will be a place for him when he is ready to be married, partners. Daughter and I can do it alone in the meantime.

He has an ability for caring for discarded people. We did this kind of thing together for several years. It was the only time I saw him really at his best, and that we worked together well. (I miss that man...)

I have been praying about this for the past 5 years, and now I have the training and experience to back it up.

All we need is the place now, but I'm trusting God to provide the means for that when the time is right.

RR, how are things with you?