I am in a bad way today.

I talked to my husband briefly and it wasn't good.

I have been praying my guts out and it seems liie things are worse if anything.

The verses I have been getting are about how no one can come to the Father unless he draws him ( which says to me that he is drawing him based on [past things I have seen) and that Jesus has power to quicken (give spiritual life) which says to me that he is able to bring him to life as though he were dead.

And that Jesus will sanctify him by the truth.

I take all this to mean that he is being born of the spirit.

But the big question is WHEN !!!???

I can't do this much longer. It has been 18 years. We are hurting bad.

I have been taking one day at a time, but I feel like I can't go on doing nothing, saying nothing...


I have written him a letter, a long one, some insight into his behaviour but I am not sure if it is the time to give it to him.

But it may be that I am giving up too soon, that I can't see what God is doing.

I am hanging on by a thread.

Please pray for me for clear guidance.

thanks all,

Shul

((((((((((Shul))))))))))))

I am new at MB, so I'm not going to attempt to respond except to say that I am going to be standing with you in prayer and agreeing with you that all problems will be solved, physically, spiritually and emotionally. I will be praying for your spouse's salvation. I do know that God is faithful and that HIS promises are true.

I am so sorry that you are going through this and that this seems to be a long term issue.

^kitty kat^

Shul, been thinking about you and will continue to pray for you. don't know what else to say. check my latest thread here titled "memo from God."

my situation is not good either but w/God's grace i will continue to do what i can for as long as i can and try harder to give it over to God. that's all you can do as well, God Bless, RR

Hi all,

I have an update of sorts.

This past couple of weeks I have been feeling almost hysterical, and praying to the point of exhaustion.

The frustration of wanting to talk to him, having things I needed to say to him that he needs to heart was really getting to me so I arranged to meet with him.

I thought of writing it all down in a letter, but I'm not good with expressing myself in writing.

Anyway, I had lots of people praying for me to have the right words and for him to receive it, and I was so nervous I was expecting his mean impatient hatefilled expression, but when I got there he was actually in a pretty soft frame of mind.

I asked him to listen, and not interrupt or tell me to 'get to the point', or that he had heard this before etc...and he listened.

I talked about the roots . About his childhood expereinces of rejection and his fear of intimacy, how he runs away from love and commitment and why. I talked about how much God loves him and about trust.

He listened. He cried.

I asked him not to say anything, and he didn't.

I didn't say everything I wanted to , but it was a start.

I guess I knew that he was afraid to come around because he didnt know what my feelings were, and I took a huge risk of being hurt, but it was ok. I spoke with compassion and gentlness and love.

I think he needed to know that there is hope, that there is an alternative, and that his life doens't have to be this way, and what he needs to do to have peace of mind and peace with God.

He had said a while ago that he tried God and it didn't work, but I told him that he didn't do the one thing that he needed to do first, which was to forgive the people who were supposed to love him and who didn't.

Anyway, I am praying that my words will be light in his mind; that the Spirit an use them to quicken him.

I didn't speak any condemnation to him. I just told him that his actions are hurting himself, and that he is missing out on love, and that there is love here for him.

It was sort of cathartic for me, because I have held this stuff in for so long.

One other thing:

I called the ow and told her point blank, but in a gentle way, that what she is doing is wrong. That she is getting in Gods way, and in the way of her own happiness, and that she is partly responsible for causing harm to my child. She tried to shift the blame onto my H, but I told her no dice. That she started this, invited it, and that makes her equally to blame.

I told my h I talked to her, and that it was between me and her.

He dind't seem upset, surprisingly.


I think he had been expecting me to say that I had given up on him or met someone else, actually.

So now I am praying for his healing.

Another update;

H called and I invited him to see our daughter. We picked him up and came back here for the rest of the day and spent the night at our own house.

Daughter was nervous and she started acting very domestic, cleaning the house, doing dishes etc, making him coffee.

She is trying so hard to be the perfect daughter to win his love. It broke my heart to see it.

He was nice, but not really there. We spent the night together, and I drove him back this morning.

I have felt all day like I was having a nervous breakdown. I know I am just exhausted from work and from thinking and praying and worrying about him, and for now I am taking believers advice to just make a life for my daughter and I for now, and when he comes to his senses eventually it will be a bonus.

He called just now as I was writing this. He is in alot of pain from various work injuries. I keep thinking of how he has wasted the past 20 years and has nothing to show for it except a busted knee and wrecked hip, shoulder etc. No money, no car, no clothes, a tiny place that he has to move out of next week.

His way isn't working. What does he have to lose by doing it Gods way?

God can restore all the years that the locusts have taken.

I had the verse today about how everyone whom God calls will come and whoever comes Jesus will never reject.

I am clinging to that verse today.

Shul:

Continuing to pray, and standing with you on behalf of your dh and your marriage.

I'm glad for the wisdom of your believing friends who are letting you know that it is okay, and good to RELEASE YOUR DH TO GOD.... let God do His thing with your dh.... and you focus on you and your dd and focus on receiving peace and joy(which isn't dependent on circumstances)....

This is easier said than done, but you AREN"T abandoning your dh or your marriage if you are being released to REST and wait...

May God Bless you with the desires of your heart.
^KittyKat^