I can't do this anymore.

Pray for me that I can forget him and move on, and that I find someone else, and that my daughter will have a father to love her.

I can't bear this anymore.

Ok, maybe this is an attack fro mthe enemy.

I am tired lonely, and disappointed b/c he said he would be out this weekend and he didn't call.

I called him and he was at the ow's.

But he said he was just really busy all weekend.

I have to talk to him about our daughter , that he needs to be more regular about seeing her,set a time and day, and at least phone if something urgent comes up.

It s not fair for him to leave her hanging all the time.

I know his work depends on the weather, so he doens't know when he gets time off, but he can call.

He needs to make seeing her a priority.

I haven't asked this of him, I haven't asked for money or help or much of anything in the past year, but I am tired of his empty promises, and lack of any kind of commitment when it comes to her.

She deserves to be treated better than this.

And I deserve the respect of a phone call at least.

I guess I lb'd on the phone with him. I was feeling very frustrated and sad for her.

I care about him but I aslohave my daughters feelings to consider and she is just as important as he is.

I know in his chaos I cna't expect much from him , but I dont' think this is asking too much.

Pray that God will put it on his heart to be more consistant , more considerate of her needs, adn that he will have a love and compassion for her.That he will see how his actions are hurting her, and that she is not asking for much from him.

He can spare a few crumbs of his time.

(((((((((Shul))))))))))

continuing to pray

^kk^

Shul, as a person who suffers from a weak faith and lots of doubt, I come here rarely, but I'm worried for you, and I'm praying for you despite the weak little flame that is my own belief.

GC

Shul,
It only takes a mustard seed of faith. I'm at that point where that is all I have to offer God, but I know that that is all it takes.

You're in my prayers,
Lunadove

Thank you for praying.

Maybe today will be the day that he comes to his senses.

God is working things out somehow.

{{{{{{{{{{SHUL}}}}}}}}}}

I think you are at a turning point now and that perhaps God is revealing his will/plan for you by allowing you to become less concerned w/your H and more concerned about your daughter. Also it may be now more about TOTALLY releasing your H to God. Will continue to pray for you but as you know that God answers all prayers and maybe this is His way of answering all the prayers on your behalf is that you will let your H go.

God bless, RR

RR,

Yes, you are right. I am more concerned with her feelings and I told him that on the phone a couple of days ago- that I know he has problems but that she matters, her feelings matter, that she is just as important as him. I told him it isn't fair to keep her hanging.


He was going to come for supper tonight but it didn't work out, and he called back to apologise.

I told him that I stopped at the house and cleaned up a bit , left him a plate of food (daughter had made supper in his honor and cookies which was sweet), and he was disappointed that he didn't make it and he said as he was hanging up-

'thankyou for being so patient with me'.

His job is ending soon, and he has to move, and he is moving his things back to our house, which was a surprise to me.

I don't stay there, just use it as a cottage to get away from my job. He is welcome to live there if he wants. Just so long as he doesn't bring ow there, which he won't.

I think the tide is turning.

I am off balance.

H has called to say he is coming here tonihgt, that he will be late, and apologises in advance.

He asked me if I am doing anything tomorrow, because he has the day off.

I am not sure what to make of this.

Could it be that he is coming to his senses?

Hi Shul,

You have been riding these waves that are your H's moods for a long time. They lift and toss you and pull you down with them.

You've been here before, feeling that the tide is turning. And things are changing, that does seem apparent. But the changes in him are glacial. I feel that you need to get out of this heavy surf.

Okay, the ocean wave metaphor is played. I just don't like to see you caught up in every little drama he creates.

GC

He didn't show up , and I am not in a good frame of mind anyway.

I keep wondering what his game is, and why I am letting him in.

Ow's boyfriend told me she has been strongly urging my H to visit us, spend time with his D.

I feel like puking when I hear that. Its like pulling teeth to get him to visit his own child.

I am turning out the lights and locking up.

I am so sick of all this.

I don't trust him for a second, and I will need to see some serious demonstrable changes before I ever will.

In the meantime I need to find a way to set some boundaries so that this doesn't happen again. D waited up for him until 11pm.

He is probably at ow's for all I know.

God have nercy on him.

Shul,
All you can do now is let God deal with him. I know it is hard when it comes to our children, but just let him go. Don't call him. Leave him alone. God's working on him even if you can't see it. Trust God. Believe me, I know it's hard but, put your trust in Him. He won't let you down.

Lunadove

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He didn't show up , and I am not in a good frame of mind anyway. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Shul,

It took me a while to learn that when I didn't hear from my H it was for my own protection. God was sparing me from something. Not sure what at the time the things happened, but in time I will know why & that's all I need to know. He does not do ANYTHING, I repeat ANYTHING, that He doesn't have YOUR BEST INTERESTS at heart. You don't know your best interests, only God does. Most people think, I know what's best for me!!! But trust me, Uh, no you don't. Only God does. And that's why He's there to guide you. Do people not listen to Him? Yeah. Do people choose to do things their own way? Yeah. Is your H doing things his own way? Yeah. But what YOU have to do, is do things GOD'S way!

This means working on changing yourself for the better. Listen to what God is trying to tell you to do for yourself. Maybe He wants you to have time by yourself w/your daughter right now. Maybe He's being a little selfish & wants you all to Himself right now. And you're asking, God, selfish? Never! Well, don't you want time alone w/the person you love too? Don't you want to spend time w/just your daughter & have "girl" time? Parents need that time alone w/each of their children to create bonding time, right? Well God needs the same thing. He needs to bond w/you, to spend alone time w/you, to cherish the moment He has w/you. You need to do the same.

I know this is so hard to do (BELIEVE ME), but enjoy this time w/God alone. Please try to stop wondering where your H is when he doesn't call or stop by or what his motives are when he does do something. You have no reason to trust him right now. When he comes back to you fully, then you can start to rebuild that trust in him. For now, enjoy the alone time w/God and your DD. Both are very precious creatures that we shouldn't take for granted.

Love in Christ,
Y

I saw him at the house for a minute this morning when I went there to feed the dog etc.

He was sleeping, and was rather rude to me.

He asid he would be over to see D in two hours.

We waited for four hours, and then left, (just after I read your post).

We played minigolf and went to the beach and had fun, just D and I.

I had left a note on the door with my cell number. When I got back he had been here, but wrote that he couldn't reach me on the cell. Sure enough it wasn't working.


I agree that God was protecting us , maybe that it was not a good time to see him.

The past few days I have had the sense that Jesus is very close, and waiting for me to talk to him, just as you said above.

As I have been doing!

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> He was sleeping, and was rather rude to me.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LOL I'm rather mean when someone wakes me too! And different times I've had to wake my H early in the morning for something, he grumbles, What do you want?!!! And then when he wakes fully, he apologizes for his rude behavior.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We waited for four hours, and then left, (just after I read your post).
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Your H will learn after a while that when he's not there when he says he's going to be there, and you leave to do something else (why wait on him?), he needs to be more trustworthy if he wants to see his DD. Keep doing this. As long as he's not doing what he says he's going to do, you should keep busy like you just did. If he wants to be trusted w/his word, then he will follow through on his word.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> We played minigolf and went to the beach and had fun, just D and I.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Glad to hear!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Did you get a good game?? And the beach -- ah, lovely! I'm a little jealous! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> LOL

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had left a note on the door with my cell number. When I got back he had been here, but wrote that he couldn't reach me on the cell. Sure enough it wasn't working.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Good to hear he took the time to see his DD, even though things didn't work out the way he planned.

Just keep doing what you're doing, Shul. Things will work out the way they are intended to. God is working & he's starting w/your attitude. Sounds like you're a little more relaxed today. Am I offbase?

Love in Christ,
Y

Standing,

When we were on the way to the beach, we had to pass by my house.

I thought about stopping there to see if he was up and if he wanted to come, but I was upset that once again he said he would be there and didn't show up or call.

It is like some kind of torture, over and over again, saying he is coming, telling me to tell D he will be there, and not showing up.

I kept driving and didn't stop.

We haven't heard a word from him so far.

He has no respect for her or for me. If it had been one of his friends, you can bet he would have been there on time, called etc.

He told her yesterday that he would be here, but he slept all day and I guess he showed up here around 3 pm.

I guess she was just supposed to sit here waiting for him until he felt like showing up.

I don't feel relaxed. I feel like tearing him apart; I feel hurt, angry, frustrated, and I am furious that he did this to her once again.

AT least this time we didn't sit here waiting all day, adn we did have fun, but I know she was upset. She kept the cell phone with us the whole time, and she was expecting his car to be here when we got back.

He doesn't deserve a child.

Oh, Shul. I want you to stop letting him hurt you, I truly do. It breaks my heart to hear what your daughter has to go through. It's bad enough that you should suffer.

I wish you would B him and let him go his way if he must. I fear you'll never see an end to this nonsense if you don't. If your daughter grows up any more with this kind of relationship with her father, she is going to have a terrible time in her own relationships.

My wife had a bad relationship with her dad when he died. She was 15 at the time. Now she has a horrible fear of abandonment. She gets in new relationships, holds on very tightly, then when she becomes afraid she'll be left, she sabotages the relationships.

Try to find a way to make your daughter avoid these kinds of troubles. You're the only one who can protect her.

GC

Hi GRaycloud,

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">she has a horrible fear of abandonment. She gets in new relationships, holds on very tightly, then when she becomes afraid she'll be left, she sabotages the relationships.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You just described my husband.

I guess I know why I keep trying and why I feel scared when he doesn't call, why I hate when there are bad feelings between us...

When I was 16, my mother died suddenly . She took her own life.

The last words I spoke to her were worse than cruel. I dismissed her, ignored her when she was trying to talk to me . I hadn't seen her for weeks, and didn't see her again for weeks until she was in a coffin.

My father and I barely spoke for years, hardly saw each other. People would say to leave him be , that it takes two etc...

He also took his own life. I actually don't remember the last time I saw him or what we said.

I would give anything to have them back , jsut to say that I love them, I would call, visit, go to the ends of the earth to be reconciled with them.

But its too late.

I live with the constant fear that everytime I see my husband or talk to him, or he leaves, that it might be the last time.

I don't take a single day for granted. And I will keep trying no matter what on my end, to do my part to reach out.

I feel really bad about not waiting for him yesterday. I guess he showed up a few minutes after we left and the cleaning woman ( a militant feminist man hater and a bit loopy), was rude to him, basically told him to take a hike.

I don't know where he is , but I went by the house. He isn't there but he brought all his food, clothes etc. there the other day.

It looks like he is planning to stay there at least part of the time.

He hasn't told me his plans.


This morning I got a call out of the blue, a woman saying she is interested in buying my house.

I don't know what to do now!

Daughter is ok. I told her that dad probably had to go to work, and she knows that he isn't reachable there sometimes.Out of cellphone range etc.

I need to take some time to talk to God today. Or rather, to listen...

I don't know what is going on with him, but God does.

I am just trying to get though the day.

He has called.

He will be here this afternoon he says.

I need prayer.

He didn't show up or call.


It is enough.