He just called to say he is on his way here.

It is too late. D is in bed.

She deserves better than this.

It is like she is the last thing on his list of priorities.

I hate him right now.

I think I need prayer if anyone is there...

HI all,

Just an update.

He is here. He arrived late the other night. I let him in. He asked if he should stay there or at the house. I let him stay.

H easked if he should sleep on th ecouch or with me I let him sleep with me.

I am an idiot.

Anyway, He was gone today for several hours. Now i am wondering if he went to see her, ( well thats probably a given ) and whether he slept with her before he cam e back.

I hate being in this position of even havng to wonder. I want to ask him straight out.

I am trying hard not to lb, or start anything, but this is crazy.

I don't know any of his plans. He moved his stuff into our house several days ago, when he had to move out of where he was, and his job is nearly over for the season, so he will need a place to live.

So I guess for now he has parked his stuff at the house, but it is a year sonce he moved out and I am wondering if he is planning on splitting his time between me and the OW ?

Ther was a whole big scene yesterday that had to do with me having talked to ow's boyfriend and him lying about what I said etc. I won't go into it.

This whole thing is so messy.

Meaniwhile I have had three calls in the past three days from people wanting to know if I will rent or sell the house.

I don't know what to do because I don't know what his plans are.

If he is figuring on using the house in between staying here or at the ow's , I feel like telling him he has to move out, move in with her or whatever, but that he can't live with me, and htat I am renting out the house to get money for bills.

I have asked God to intervene in this in some way, because I don't have a clue.

I hate to even ask him , but I am jsut avoiding conflict I think.
If I give him an ultimatium he might disappear again out of spite for months. Which I guess is his choice.

I am sick of this cakeating!

Hi Shul, just wanted you to know I am here. I am praying. Hang in there. Read Isaiah 54:5. Maybe that is God's plan right now for you. He wants to be your husband for a time. Hugs to you.... (((((Shul)))))
Totally

Shul..........big hug. did you get my emails?
hate to see you spinning...hit your knees!
PEACE OUT

Hi all,

Thank you for the hugs and prayers.

Last night was hard.

I asked if we could talk and he said no.

Today just before he left I asked him what his plans are, and he said he doesn't have any.

I asked him if he plannined to split his time between home and the ow's, and he said he mighth split his time here and city but not neccesarily at the ow's.

I jsut said I have to make some decisions about the house, and he said 'we haven't talked aobut things."

Well, duh...

(I have to go customer..)

Back.

I am writing between customers so my typing is even worse than usual (if that is possible, lol)

I am so disgusted with myself for not taking the chance to set boundaries when I had it.
I could have told him the other night that it was too late to come visiting, and I could have at least made him sleep on the couch.

The sex was nothing, anyway. It felt totally flat, no emotion, no tenderness. I can't bear for him to kiss me for some reason.

I told him about the business venture I might be contracted for . It is the kind of thing we could do together, but the truth is I am afraid he would not be reliable , adn that he would start partying with the guests, which would be a bad thing. If he started drinking it would be a disaster.


I can see all kinds of things going wrong.

I feel so deflated. As if this marriage has been over for ages and I have been flogging a dead horse...

He doesnt' seem to have changed one bit. I had the feeling he was putting in time, putting in an appearance, and that he couldn't wait to leave.

As if it was an effort to be here, to be civil. He was jsut q bit too polite.