The Meaning of the Lord's Prayer

The Lord's Prayer
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Our Father, who art in heaven,
Hallowed be thy Name.
Thy kingdom come. Thy will be done,
On earth as it is in heaven.
Give us this day our daily bread.
And forgive us our trespasses,
As we forgive those who trespass against us.
And lead us not into temptation,
But deliver us from evil.
For thine is the kingdom, and the power, and the glory,
for ever and ever. Amen.

I have said these words thousands of times in my life
but it was not until now that full understood what they meant.

I have discovered that my W has had ongoing PA with multiple
men during the last several years. I always said that
I could never tolerate an affair. Nothing to make me forgive it.
She does not even know that I know about them yet.

I was standing in church last Sunday saying the Lord's
Prayer when I came to the part about "As we forgive those
who trespass against us" I almost fainted. I could feel
the presence of the Lord calling on me to forgive my wife.

I felt filled by the holy spirit. I knew for the first time
that with the Lords help and encouragement that in time
I will be able to forgive all have my wife's transgressions.

If my love for her can survive this, my love will endure
forever. I pray this prayer several times a day. I use
it to build up me strength and calm my emotions.

I realize the hard part is coming. I still have to
reveal to my wife what I know. I need her to reveal it all
to me and I pray for the strength to over come the pain
the words will bring. But to forgive her I must forgive
everything.

I pray that she is no longer "lead into temptation"

I guess what surprises me most is that I did not know
I had the compassity to love her as much as I do.

It is said that the Lord never gives you more then you can handle.
Sometimes I wish he did not think I was so strong.

I ask that you pray for me. Pray for the courage to confront
her, Pray for comfort from the pain. Pray that she will
truly understand how much I love her and what she almost lost.
Pray that we never come down this road again.

Finally, I pray that the Lord's will be done. If it is His
will, may this marriage be saved.

John,

My thoughts and prayers (and I'm sure those of everyone on this site) are with you.

Speaking as a WS, I would have to say that while you need to love your WW, and (if possible) forgive her, you must also hold her accountable for her actions. Unfortunately for me, while so far my wife has been excellent at the latter, she has been unwilling to express the former, and has actively expressed the opposite on an almost daily basis.

*DO NOT* think that if you forgive your wife that everything will be OK. There was something missing from the marriage (and/or your wife is suffering from a sexual addiction) which led to this situation. You will need to find the problem (and resolve it) before things get better. Your calling must also be to try and guide your wife back to His ways.

I hope and pray that you are successful.

God Bless,
Richard

<small>[ September 02, 2004, 07:10 AM: Message edited by: Richard F ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Richard F:
<strong> *DO NOT* think that if you forgive your wife that everything will be OK. There was something missing from the marriage (and/or your wife is suffering from a sexual addiction) which led to this situation. You will need to find the problem (and resolve it) before things get better. Your calling must also be to try and guide your wife back to His ways.

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I am well aware of what has been missing. I have been. The fights, the lack of getting me
emotional needs met, force me to withdrawl.

I feel I like I have been asleep for year.
I know it does not excuse her actions, but
I can certainly understand them.

I have been actively meeting her emotional
needs for over a month now and things are much
better between us. She spends most of her
time with me. I am also starting to get what
I need from her.

I will be asking her to go to counselor with me.
I to beleive she needs help dealing with her
sex addiction and help her understand that there
can be no other men in the future.

I am willing to forgive her past but the future is ours to build together.

I will not forgive any future tresspasses
but if I am attempting to meet her every need
and she still wanders, I will know I am not
enough for her.

I am still waiting for the right time to confront her.

Right now the stresses of work and the
children have not made the enviroment right.
I plan to approach her out of love and
letter her know that I am fully committed
to forgiving her in time and with her help.
But there can be no more secrets between us.

As long as she keeps the secrets there
can be no true intimacy between us. I am
hoping she will understand the depth of my
love for her.

She needs to come to term with shat she has done
and how it as affected me and our marriage.

Only then, may to prevent her from making
the mistake again.

The difference this time is that I plan to help
her needs be met but without scarficing my
own needs. Communication will be the key.

There is 9 years of hurt to undo. But we are
still here and still together. Love and
patience will be our guides.

I felt trapped in a loveless marriage but I am
excited. I realize we have to power to make
this relationship everything we ever wanted.
Things to not have to be the same and won't be.

I have learned how to love in a way I
thought impossible. It is my hope that she will
see how special that love is and not want
to risk losing it again. In a strange
way, this may bring us closer together then ever.

I pray that the Lord lets me know when the time
is right. I pray that He choses my words
carefully so that I can say what is in my
heart and not let my emotions and the hurt
say something I would regret. I pray that it
happens sooner than later.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by joker:
<strong> I am well aware of what has been missing. I have been. The fights, the lack of getting me
emotional needs met, force me to withdrawl.
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I can understand that, and it's good that you are able to recognize it. Too often it is easier to blame the other person (as I did with my wife) for not meeting EN's when we make no attempt to meet theirs.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">[Help her see] she needs help dealing with her
sex addiction and help her understand that there
can be no other men in the future.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't be too hasty to assume she does have an "addiction" type problem. (I just guessed that might be the case from the comment about meeting the OM online - exactly where I encountered the OW in my situation). If she doesn't believe that she has a problem then your well-intentioned suggestion that she does could be a major LB. I'd go with your first instinct and let a relationship professional suggest that to her (if it is appropriate).

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I will not forgive any future tresspasses
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Careful! Obviously the choice to forgive (or not) is yours. I hope and pray that you will never have to forgive that type of hurt again. I would just remind you that we are called to forgive "not just seven times, but seventy times seven" (Mat 8:22). If she truly does have an addiction problem there may be things that come dangerously close to "falling off the wagon". Do you forgive the child who accidentally eats too much and is sick as a result? Of course you do - although it doesn't make cleaning up the vomit any less unpleasant.

Having said that, forgiving her does not mean that you would stay with her if she has another PA. I would say under those circumstances it would definitely be time for Plan B.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I have learned how to love in a way I
thought impossible. It is my hope that she will
see how special that love is and not want
to risk losing it again. In a strange
way, this may bring us closer together then ever.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">For couples who are strong enough, it often seems that this is so. May yours be just such a situation.

God Bless,
Richard


Lord,
Look with your love on John, and his wife. Help them to learn from this experience and grow together, according to your will. May they become like beacons, manifesting your love in the world, especially towards one another.
Amen