</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by steadfast and committed:
<strong> Tony? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">So what do you want me to say?

When I read the promises I get angry and frustrated because I don't see them in my life.

So that's the question, I'm asking God to show that the promises are true for me.

I understand in my head all of what you are saying. It doesn't take an ounce of the pain away.

My WW is saved, knows Christ, so I don't believe this is a salvation issue.

Bottom line is I don't know, and I really don't like not knowing.

I've learned a lot and would like to put it into practice, would like to show her that I have what it takes to love her, etc.

I'm not fond of failure.

I'm broken, defeated, and lacking orders from God, I quit.

I'll be here awaiting His instructions.

TB

Tony,

Can you tell me a bit about how this all came about and where things are at now between the two of you?

Shul

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong> Tony,

Can you tell me a bit about how this all came about and where things are at now between the two of you?

Shul </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I thought several times I heard God saying that my wife would come back by a certain date, that I would.

These days have come and gone without her returning home.

She is still seeing the OM, and in fact was upset with me about something and didn't even have my YD call me on my birthday about three months ago.

Of course, I made sure YD called her on her birthday a week later while she was vacationing with OM.

So obviously, I'm not hearing God right, or I'm just telling myself something I wanted to hear.

So in July, I took a couple of months off of MB and never felt better. I am a bit disturbed that I could so completely miss God, so I am asking Him to talk to me in such a fashion that it's unmistakably God and not just what others think He might be saying to me.

I do appreciate the good will expressed by the folks here, and I really don't want to be down on them.

I just want to know that I'm hearing from God, and not something that comes from the heart of man.

WW still continues down the D path, and I'm not so sure I want to drag it out. We can marry again if that is God's will, so perhaps I just let her have what she wants, and see where we go from here.

It's not like she is acting like we are married anyway, so why continue the charade?

TB

I am trying to understand this. You mentioned that your wife is a believer, but my impression is that her actions are not consistant with the teachings of Christ.

Tony, what happened to bring about the affair, her leaving etc..?

How long has she been away, how often have you talked, have you been for counseling, has she demonstrated any willingness to reconcile?

Does she express any remorse or guilt over her actions?

What does she give as her reason for leaving you?

Does she blame you in some way?

Was yours a good relationship in the past?

Shul

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong> I am trying to understand this. You mentioned that your wife is a believer, but my impression is that her actions are not consistant with the teachings of Christ.

Tony, what happened to bring about the affair, her leaving etc..?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Dr. Harley's theory is that I didn't meet her emotional needs. She has simply expressed that she married the wrong guy and never felt like anything she did was good enough for me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong>

How long has she been away, how often have you talked, have you been for counseling, has she demonstrated any willingness to reconcile?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Almost a year now. We don't talk much anymore. I worked with Steve Harley, she refused to attend any counseling with me citing she didn't want a counsellor to also tell her she was wrong. She has expressed no interest in reconciling.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong>
Does she express any remorse or guilt over her actions?
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">The closest she came was a couple of weeks ago admitting that what is happening probably hurts me. That's it, otherwise, it's been that I'm a horrible man, a bad husband, a terrible father, etc.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong>
What does she give as her reason for leaving you?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">She said she married me for all the wrong reasons, but has not elaborated, that if she had had more self esteem, she wouldn't have married me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong>

Does she blame you in some way?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I think she wants to put most of the blame on me. She came closest to accepting some blame when she says she made a mistake marrying me. Not taking responsibility for her behavior in the marriage, but rather the mistake she made was to marry me.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong>

Was yours a good relationship in the past?

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes and no, I never felt she opened up to me, and I don't think either of us were willing to change to accomodate our partner.

I know I always expressed how I wanted things done, what I wanted, etc.

She was more reserved, and when asked the direct question, is there anything wrong, she often answered, nothing.

She never used the words "I'm unhappy" until she told me she wanted to move out on 9/6/2003. She moved into her apartment on 10/1/2003.

I asked her if there was another man, and she said no. I later found out this was not true, and she admits to spending a weekend with him on 11/9/2003. I got confirmation of the affair on 11/17/2003.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by Shul:
<strong>

Shul </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TB

Tony,

She is deceiving herself.

And she is looking for someone to make her happy. It won't happen if she is not willing to work at it. If she 'got' that she would still be with you.

But she doesn't, so this relationship won't work either.

What you can do for her is pray for her and keep the door open for when she crashes.

Shul