I am a 35 years old Asian, and I married 6 years ago, my husband and I have a good relationship. We did not desire to have any kid because we love each other and we were all very busy. We live together with my parents-in-law who are more than 70 years. Our family is a warm family and we all get along very well.Recently, my husband has been tested with HIV+ because of a tragic medical error; I am HIV-. We know with the treatment, HIV+ can survive longer than before, but the average is 10-20 years. Maybe 20 or 10 years later, my husband and my parents-in-law are all pass away, and leave myself alone in the world. My husband and my parents-in-law all feel sorry for me, and worry about my future, they all hope I should have a kid of my own.I have checked many materials and consulted the doctors, if I want to have a baby with my husband’s sperm, his sperm must be washed, unfortunately there is not washing sperm technique in my country now (Actually, even in the US, the washing sperm is not 100% safe to get a health baby and also have a low probability to transmit the HIV to the woman). Because I should take care of my husband and my parents-in-law, I am must kept in health position, so I cannot use the sperm of my husband and there are not any romantic behaviors between my husband and me now.I have talked with my husband, and he hope me to have a baby and he promised he would love the baby just like his own, so did my parents-in-law.There are two ways to make me pregnant. One is artificial insemination use the sperm from sperm bank, in my country, the sperm bank will pay for the donor, so most of the sperm donor are college students and those who lack of money, artificial insemination is very expensive, and the successful rate is less then 20%.The other way is find a compatible man to have sex. I am not interested in sex now and what I need is just a baby. If I pregnant I will leave the lover ASAP and I won't let him know he is the biological father of my baby. I want to know which way is better and how you think about the second way? Does God can forgive me? And I also want to know, do you think it is necessary for me to have a baby?

Mellisa,

I am sorry for you both, having to go through this.

And I can understand wanting a child; not wanting to be alone.

But...

Is it fair to bring a child into a world where he or she will have no family?

If something happens to you, who will the child have ?

I am alone with my young daughter. Her father abandoned us.

I have no parents or siblings- no other relatives except an older married daughter who lives far away.

If something happened to me she would have no one, no family.

Except for her sister she would be alone in the world .

It is something to think about.

Shul

Melissa,

The very fact that you are asking suggests that you know in your heart that having an affair is not what God wants. (And believe me, as a WS, I can say with almost 100% certainty that you *will* regret it if you do.)

I know it may not be the answer you are hoping for, but may I put an alternate option into your mind.

There are many children in the world who need the love and care that a family can provide, but that their own parents may not be able to give them. I have several friends who were adopted, and have worked with others who were adoptive parents. If you and your husband have extra love to give (and it sounds like you do), why not consider giving a true home to one of God's children in most need of it?

Like Shul though, I would warn you against doing so because you are afraid of being left alone. Even if you had a child naturally there would be nothing to prevent them from being taken away through some tragic accident, just as your husband will eventually pass on. Remember also, that you will always be a member of God's family, and can never be completely alone.

I hope you manage to work something out.
God Bless,
Richard


Lord,
We ask you to look with compassion on Mellisa, and others in similar situations. Help them to see your will for them, and be strong enough to live the life that you have prepared for them. We ask this in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ.
Amen

Thanks.
I studied in the US last year, and I went to church on Sunday. I know God love me, God has a wonderful plan for my life. But, as you know, can you say my situation is a wonderful life? If God love me, why my husband was illness?

Melissa,

I can't tell you why God decided to give you the challenge he did.

All I can tell you is that somewhere within the bad things that are happening there is also something good. The problem you have right now is seeing it, and that may be because it is not visible to anyone except Him yet.

Consider this as a scenario.... You say that you and your husband weren't planning to have children until he got ill. What if you adopt a child, who grows to love you and your husband before he passes? What if when that child grows up, they decide to become a doctor, and remembering the pain of losing their father they help people in situations like yours? Who knows. Perhaps they or one of their children may be the person who finds a real cure for HIV/AIDS.

Obviously that is an extreme scenario, but there is nothing to stop it from happening, just as it is possible that a cure will be found before your husband is taken from you.

Trusting in God is a very difficult thing to do. (Believe me, I have failed to trust him all too often.) I urge you to try. The rewards *are* worth it.

May he bless you, and all your family this day and all days.

Richard

Thanks, I will try.