I need prayers for me to be strong and for my husband to resist temptation. He told me the other nite that he's not sure he wants to be married anymore. But last nite we talked some more and he said he loves me and doesn't want to leave but would like to have casual sex with someone else. I think he's a sex addict. He said he doesn't want to hurt me. but needed me to know what he was feeling. We have been married for 8 years. Thank you

Abtam,

First of all you're in my prayers. Welcome to MB although not under the greatest circumstances. Some questions for you -- why would your H want to have casual sex w/someone else? Are you unable to meet that need for him somehow? Usually when a H wants to go looking for a need to be filled somewhere else, it's b/c it's lacking at home. Maybe the sexual encounters have become mundane, perhaps? Maybe he's looking for some excitement. Only he knows that.

I would also like you to tell him thank you for being honest. This shows that he really does not want to go outside your M to have this need filled. That's why he's telling you now. I believe it's a cry for help. He obviously thinks there's something wrong w/your M. He might not be able to pinpoint it right now.

I would suggest reading all the material you can on this site. Fill out the EN questionnaires so you have somewhere to start. Hopefully he'll see you're trying to make some changes in order to keep him from straying. But in reality, I really don't think your H WANTS to stray. Otherwise, he wouldn't have even told you what he's been thinking about. He would have just done it.

Oh boy....

SA seems to be getting to be much more of a problem. Having said that, there are still many who believe it is just an excuse for imoral behavior (and perhaps it is. I do not pretend to know how the brain works).

I can't pretend to have a solution, but it might be worth talking some more with your H to find out *why* he feels that he wants to have "casual sex" with someone else. Be careful. Try not to LB or visibly "judge" what he says. It might be that he is just looking for a little more "excitement" in his sex life. One thing which was a problem for me (which led eventually to me going outside my marriage) was a strong feeling that my W didn't *enjoy* being sexually intimate with me - compounded by the fact that she considered most of my sexual fantasies as "disgusting" and refused to even consider playing them out (including the ones she shares!). At least if you understand why he feels like "casual sex" you might have some idea how your current actions may not be meeting his needs (if that is part of the problem).

I would also caution you to be careful. Don't fall into the co-addict trap. If what he talks about leaves you feeling uncomfortable, that's fine. You might even want to let him know why (but lovingly). Don't do something just because he wants you to... but there is always the possibility that *you* may think it sounds like fun too, but would not previously have considered it or suggested it.

Anyway, I hope you will excuse these ramblings....
Regards,
Richard

Lord,
We ask you to look with kindness on abtam, and her husband. Help them to communicate the real resons behind his inapropriate sexual desire, and help them reach whatever solution is your will. Grant them the ability to look at each other with love, however difficult the situation may become. We ask this, as always, in the name of your Son, Jesus Christ.
Amen

Thank you, I did tell him how much I appreciate his honesty. It stings, but i was glad he did. He says that he isn't dissatisfied with me in the bedroom just wants to shake it up by adding another woman(threesome). He likes porn alot. Fantasizes about 2 women a lot. I asked him, what if it doesn't happen? I'm not sure i'm comfortable with that situation. I'm scared i'm going to lose him if i don't, I told him that. I was raised christian and he's not sure what to believe. He was forced to go to church as a child, and I have asked if he would be interested in going to church. His answer was no, not really. The last church we went to, the pastor and his wife split cuz she was cheating on her husband. Burned him badly. Doesn't understand how she could do that if she was christian. We were friends with them. I'm rambling, but it's insight to what i'm up against. I have enlisted prayers from people here and my parents and my pastor that I grew up with, along with other people. I continue to pray that God will change his mind and heart. Also to keep me strong through this and that I give up the situation to him, cuz it's bigger than me. Again big thank you to all who are praying with me.