From your post in General Questions II

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I am willing to my part because I believe that God is doing His part. I have a promise from God that He will heal him. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">God is no respector of man (respector? respect? pardon my English but you know what I mean). His will will be done. You don't bargain with God, Shul.

Sometimes we want something so bad we are blinded by our desires. You taught me to seek God in my marriage some months ago... You said that as long as I put Him first, everything will fall in place. Do you want God more than you want your husband? Is God your servant? Do you put Him first or your needs first?

When I was separated from my FWH, my doctor told me, "Perhaps this is God's way out for you." Of course, she's not a christian, but I often look back and think, we choose our course... as long as we choose it with God's wisdom, following His word, trusting Him, He will not fail us.

If we choose that that is not good for us, then we are refusing to be guided by God, no? He has spelt out what is good and what is bad.

We can leave or we can stay, but whatever we choose to do, we do it with God according to His will, or bear the consequences. God gave Saul to the people of Israel because they kept asking for a king. But Saul was not a suitable king.

Shul, we all want our spouses back. Nobody wants a divorce. Statistics show that divorce and death of a spouse are the most painful stressful times. You can ask God to heal your husband and bring him back, but if it's not in God's will, then let him go. God is longsuffering, but will chastise your husband if He loves him. He will do it in His time, not yours.

I'm sorry I sound so harsh.
You have shown great love and patience to your husband. Does he appreciate it? Don't you deserve something in return? You and him should be equals, no? I see you bowing to his terms all the time. You're playing his game.

And no, I don't know what ASP is. Sounds like All Suckers Plan.

Hi Ruffled,

I think you misunderstood me.

My agenda is not to get my husband back- it is to see him reconciled with God.

Until that happens I am letting him alone.

My dilemna is how to respond to him when he comes around to visit...it is a bit uncomfortable. I have been trying to make it easier, but maybe I am trying too hard. I think I have to let him squirm.

I am not pursuing him or pleading or asking him to come back or see us. (I haven't asked in months , almost a year, except twice when our daughter wanted to see him.)

I havn't encouraged him or rejected him. I am not cold to him, I listen more than I talk, I don't ask about what is going on in his life, he volunteers a bit. I haven't turned him down for sex, which he still wants from me , but he has said that I shouldn't feel like I have to, which I don't.

I am letting him have his way, free to come and go as he pleases.

I am trying to use this time to heal and in a way I feel that I am hiding in my Fathers house.

If my husband wants to reconcile with me, to be a family again, he will have to go through my Father to get to me. He will have to show that he is repentant, that he is ready to be married.

I dont' want to live with him until he is right with God, walking in obedience.

When we first met I told him that I wouldn't date him b/c he was not a believer; that I couldn't see him anymore.

Some weeks later he showed up and wante to know how to be saved. He was baptised etc., made a decision for Christ.

It wasn't until after that, that we started talkign about marriage.

I feel the same way now. When he starts to demonstrate a changed life, a life lived in obedience, I will be happy to live with him.

Right now I am out of harms way. I am fine alone with my daughter. I am in no hurry to divorce him, because I am fine alone.

I am waiting on God.

I am not telling God what to do. I have had this promise for nearly 10 years, that he will heal my husband. It is why I don't give up, why I wait and pray.

I may not like the man, or love him in a romantic sense right now, but I care about him and I want to see him experience healing and peace with God, and success. I see him as a prodigal who I have to let go and find out for himself that his way is not working.

I know that he will come to himself one day, and I want him to still have a family to come home to. So I wait.

I treasure this time with my daughter, we are very peaceful here, except she is lonely and she misses her dad. But it is better that she not be around him than she be exposed to the ow and her kids.

I sense that God is telling me to leave him be; and when he shows up, or calls, to be quiet, to listen.

I agree about Saul. Thats why I think I am not to pursue anything while he is in sin. We are better off without him.

I guess its kind of a "if you love someone let them go..if they come back...", situation.

Ruffled, how are things with you?

Hi Shul!

I am reallly happy to see your reply. I hope I didn't sound too 'preachy' in my first post. I must admit I got carried away when I see how patient you are over and over again and see your H take that for granted.

I had a good week. I did some good work and boss came by to say thank you. I'm really happy about that. I am fixing some plumbing in my bathroom and it's the first time DIY plumbing job for me, I feel good about that too! FWH comes by a few times every week. We go out for dinner. Then we go home separately. It feels weird.

I haven't asked him to come home for a long while now. I think now I see this person's character, I have to think properly if I want this union again. I know that I have still a lot of issues to work out, like trust, and not knowing the future.

Someone sent me a text message today. I don't recognise the number, but it got me really upset. It said that despite having a third party in my marriage, I have not learnt, and that I am having a close relationship with a married man and that I am despicable. It also mocked me for going to church.

Well, first of all, I am not having any inappropriate friendship with any men, married or not. The only "married man" that I can think this message refers to is my ex-colleague, who attends the same church as I. He is a deacon. He guided me through the very painful and confusing period I had when FWH left. Yes, I spent a lot of time talking to him, but I do it openly, and we are not intimate. He made me go to bible study and prayer meetings, which I enjoy a lot now.

I'm a little cheesed off now. Am I a threat to all married couples? Is it inappropriate to have a good friendship with married men now? Is it okay to have friendship with married men as long as you are married, but not if you are single?

Most of all, I am upset because I think that message came from someone at my church. I am not going to attend a church where I am about to be treated like an ow. I am thinking of leaving as soon as I find another church with similar teachings-- I go to a very conservative church.

Sigh. That is all I can post now... am very upset and confused again. Time to pray, I guess.

Keep safe and take care,
Ruffled

Ruffled,

Can you reply to the text message?

Tell whoever it is that you would be glad to talk to them in person- that you aren't involved with anyone etc.

Could it be this mans wife? Does she suspect something is going on between you?

I feel for you. I live in a rural area, and because of my work I live in a fish bowl, kinda. And now that I am alone, I think the women see me as a potential threat. The single men see me as a potential date.

I have been hit on a few times in the past year, which is surprising to me and I never know what to say.

I hear you about the weirdness. My H was jsut here to visit, and he just left to go to the house- our house-where he is staying. its like we are friends, sort of- except he doesn't really talk to me.

He was affectionate, but he didn't ask to stay the night, and I didn't suggest it.

The whole thing is weird.

I don't have a clue what is going on in his head. But at least he spent time with our D.

I am trying to trust that God is working on him, and concentrate on my D and work.

But I miss him. I'm lonely.