HH,
I read your link. It sounds like you're on the right track toward recovery. My H & I are about 9 months into recovery & w/God's help, we have come along better than most. God is the key. It's very important that He be the #1 priority in your M. Let Him guide you in this process. Consult w/Him daily so you know how to proceed. Even if your W isn't ready for that, from guilt or whatever, it's very important that YOU do. If it wasn't for His help, I don't think we'd be where we're at right now.
I see that Honesty & Openness are both #2 need for both of you. This is very good. This gives you a chance to be very open w/your W about how you're feeling. You both, and this is very important, need to be able to hear things that you don't want to hear. You have to be just that -- open. You have to be open enough to hear things you don't want to hear. I was not like that at all pre-A. I didn't realize it, but I wanted to hear things to "make me happy". NOw I have learned to hear those things that I don't necessarily want to hear, but need to hear. I have learned that no matter what comes out of my H's mouth, I need to listen to it. It's feelings that he's having that aren't any less important than my own. And if I question something he says, he reminds me that he's being very honest & open w/me & I think to myself, Would I want any less? So I work w/what he's saying. We work at it together.
RC is also your W's #1 need. Maybe you two can do some fun things together. What worked for us at the beginning was spending tons of time together doing things that we BOTH enjoyed. We both enjoy pool, so we bought a pool table & spent lots of time playing. We invited couples over & really enjoyed ourselves. This had us grow very close very fast & now when we're apart, we find that we miss the other very much. It keeps our love alive.
Affection is also another one of your W's top needs. Show her this affection, whether a kiss on the cheek, a hug, holding hands, whatever. This will in turn lead her to fulfilling your need of SF. Trust me on this. Women love that stuff! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
As I said b4, I think you're on the right track. I pray that God continues to lead you on the path of recovery. May your M be everything you dreamed it could be at the end of the long journey. Have faith -- God always make good come out of something tragic.
Love in Christ,
Y
