Well I received divorce papers today after H said would you consider not being served? Now this deputy sheriff rings my doorbell and gives me these things, it shows that H can't be believed at all now. And since he is living with OW I am considering countersuing him on adultery charges. I was nice enough to let son go with him for thanksgiving to go visit his family and he TOOK the OW with them and her kids. I guess its always sad when a marriage ends, I just thought I would never be one of those statistics. I am going to be fine though and maybe better off ..<P>------------------<BR>joanne<BR>

joanne,<P>Sharing your sorrow, sadness and pain, today. I know this is really, really hard on you and your S. Sending some hugs and care via e-waves:<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{joanne}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Oh, Joanne - I am sooo sorry. I know how very much this must hurt.<P>My thoughts and prayers are with you.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{Joanne}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>Lori

{{{{{{{{{{<B>joanne</B>}}}}}}}}}}<P>I can't tell from your current post or profile when "discovery" of the affair happened... are you on <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A</A> or <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan B</A>... or many of the details...<P>I am very much against divorce... even though I too had to counter-file! Divorce is a <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Buster</A>.<P>But... if you need to <B>protect</B> yourself (and/or kids???) leagally (and/or financially)... I usually make the recommendation of finding a <B>good</B> attorney. A good place to start off is at the <A HREF="http://lawyers.martindale.com/marhub/form/by.html" TARGET=_blank>Martindale-Hubbell Lawyer Search</A> site. Do a search within your county... look for only "family law" specialists... make sure they do a lot of "family law committee work"... if they know the judges all the beter... You can norally find a few that will give initial counselling free of charge.<P>I too had to counter-file (on the grounds of adultery)... because my W was threatening a substantial custody battle... she backed off... and now I have the kids!<P>If I (or others) can be of more help... just POST!<P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...<p>[This message has been edited by NSR (edited November 27, 1999).]

thanx all for replying to my post, I am feeling somewhat better. Yes I do have an attorney who specializes in family law. Discovery(this time) was a month ago. This is same woman H had emotional affair with 5 years ago and it started progressing into a physical one and it was broke off. I am on plan B, because I can't take any more contact with H but he still has a few things left here at home and we do talk some about our son, when absolutely necessary. I am very much against divorce as well, even though I am getting one. <P>------------------<BR>joanne<BR>

joanne,<P>All I can say right now...<BR>is try and slow down the divorce...<BR>(that's what I am trying to do...)<P>With you in Plan B... it should be easier.<BR>Let the attoneys be the "bad guys"... let your's deliberately slow it down...<P>I'm praying hard that your Plan B... gives you what you really want... but... just as a reminder... <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>(#3.) The (betrayed) spouse needs to know that he/she had done his/her best to save their marriage. (page 76 of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>"Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A>)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><BR> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>(#4.) If the (betrayed) spouse follows the plans (A & B), and they(the plans) fail, the (betrayed) spouse would no longer have any feelings of love for the wayward spouse. (page 76 of SAA)<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>{{{{{{{{{{<B>joanne</B>}}}}}}}}}}<P>Jim<BR>------------------<BR>I can dare myself... I'll put a pebble in my shoe...<BR>I can walk... I can walk! I shall call the pebble Dare...<BR>Dare shall be carried... And when we both have had enough<BR>I will take him from my shoe, singing... "Meet your new road!"...<BR>Finally glad... Finally glad... That you are here... By my side...

one question, why should I slow down divorce when that is what I want too?<P>------------------<BR>joanne<BR>

You must be going through a difficult time right now. I am currently waiting for the "doorbell" to ring. I know you said this is what you want, in my situation it is not what I want, but either way it is hard. My thoughts and prayers are with you for your every happiness.

joanne,<P>I thought if you were in Plan B (early stages) you were still hoping for reconciliation...<P>If not... you've obviously reached a point where you and H will separate... and you can go on being a better person without him...<P>That's something... right now... I (for my own self) have a hard time with... but... I'm still in Plan A!<P>I wish you all the best...<BR>The divorce will be hard...<BR>But you sound strong!<P>Jim