My wife and I are 23 we have been married since we were 20. We dont have kids yet but hope to down the road. We work opposite shifts during the day I work a 7-4 shift that I have to leave for work at 6 and she works a close shift in retail thats usually 2-11ish. We found marriagebuilders.com about two weeks ago and already we can see our love bank acount withdrawls slow down. We devised a simple game we play nightly with each other that helps us in our communication and to share our daily experiences and how we are feeling and how our wants and needs are being addressed. Here is the game we play it everynight now before we go to bed:
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Bedtime Card Game
Supplies Needed:
Deck of Cards w/ only A-5 of all four suits seperated.
Setup:
Shuffle the cards and deal two cards to each spouse.
Game Play:
1) Each spouse gets dealt four cards and discards the lowest card of any suit they have more then one of and replaces it with a new card until they have 4 of each suit.
2) Since the object of the game is to promote closeness, affection, understanding, and repore between spouses the suits are played int he following order:
Clubs: Things that happened today that affected your psychi weither good or bad.
I.E. I came home to a clean house and it made me feel good, I got written up at work for X and it made me feel bad, I got a complement about Y and it made me feel good, I noticed a grey hair today and it made me feel old, etc.
Spades: Things you need (Either tangible or not.)
I.E. I feel I need more affection in the form of X, I feel I need to get X, it will help me do Y better, I feel I need to go back to school, etc.
Diamonds: Things you want (Either tangible or not.)
I.E. a new care, more affection, a new necklace, a new computer, etc.
Hearts: Reasons you love your spouse.
I.E. I love you because you always make me feel better when i am down, I love you because you wake me up everymorning and kiss me, I love you cause you support all my financial needs, etc.
3) The spouse with the highest card of the suit to be played must go first and the spouse with the lowest card's card determines how many items of the given category they must each express.
EXAMPLE: John and Linda have 4 cards each...John has Ace of Clubs, 5 of Hearts, 3 of Diamonds and 2 of Spades. Linda has the Ace of Hearts, 5 of Diamonds, 4 of Clubs, and the 4 of Spades. Since Linda has the higher club (4 vs. Ace) linda must go first and because John has an ace Linda must list one thing that affected their psychi that day. After which it is John's turn to discuss one thing that affected him. Next it will be Linda's turn to discuss two things she needs because she has the 4 of spades vs johns 2 of spades. Then john will do the same. Then Linda will need to list 3 things she wants because john has the 3 of diamons to her 5 of diamonds. Then again John follows. Lastly it will be John who tells his wife Linda one reason he loves her because his 5 of hearts beats his wifes ace, she then follows.
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There is a reason for us that we chose what we did for each of the suits representation.
The Clubs: Help us each understand what has affected each other's love back through out the day for anyone. It doesnt neccisarly have to be for one another. Its logical to assume if my spouse doenst like john telling her X Y and Z then she isnt going to like it when I do it. Likewise if a friend of hers brightened her day by doing X Y and Z its logical to think that if I do it, it will do the same.
The Spades: I think its important to keep an onging ledger on the needs of your spouse. Sometimes theres needs that you just may not be consciese of that simply need to be brought into perspective. This gives each spouse a chance to share any needs they feel that the other should know about in a non hostile enviornment, knowing each of them will get a chance to share the same number of needs.
The Diamonds: Everyone had desires for things in their lives that are neccesities...things that might make them happy but will not neccisarily make them unahppy if they dont get them. I think these little things can make the largest love bank deposits because they are not neccisarily expected or easily attainable. For instance my wife may really want a luxary car real bad, but our finances do not allow it, but because I know its something she wants and I would like her to have what she wants we may be able to come to an agreement on financial budgets that could allow us to save for one. This is also a great way to get ideas for presents for any occassion including holidays , anniversaries, and birthdays.
Lastly hearts: Everyone needs to be reminded of good behavior habits. If thers something that adds love units to your spouses bank account its extremely important in my opinion to reinforce those deposits so they occur again. This also leaves the last portion of the game on a positive note.
