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#348820 03/30/01 12:05 AM
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Hey, let's at least dream here, please!

I know blanking out creatively is a problem for me so maybe we can spark each other's imaginations (let's keep it clean!) and hopefully help one another.

We are going on our first romantic getaway in years (hey, today is 6 week anniversary of d-day!) on Sunday and coming home Tuesday.

Here are some things I plan:

I got a very cute nighty on sale to please both H and myself (it's a very pretty soft pink--springy and my favorite color)

I am getting rose petals to bring to hotel room to spread all around while H is in shower, napping or wherever
I found out my grocery store floral dept will give them to me for nothing or next to it--one florist said it would be $20! for them (I am on a tight budget)

I have printed off a love poem (from poetry.com--see my post at Poems tonight-March 28-I think?)Sorry still having trouble with memory and knowing what day it is

I bought him a fun card

Because I am a writer, I hope to write him another poem..I wrote him one for our first date after confession and he really liked it. I filled the front of the envelope with little things I love about H and happy memory joggers, etc.I suspect he liked the envelope even more than the poem

We are leaving things basically unplanned other than swimming , walking if weather permits, working on EN questionnaire and you know! But you know what? Even if we are too tired or whatever, we plan just to touch, hold each other, talk, be together in silence

I've found planning for this so healing and helpful.

come on, even if it's not happening, tell us what you wish..maybe your spouse will get inspired! I wish you all great happiness and hours of romance. Don't stop hoping!

------------------
Fresh Start


#348821 03/12/02 06:54 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by freshstart:
Hey, let's at least dream here, please!


....I've found planning for this so healing and helpful.

come on, even if it's not happening, tell us what you wish..maybe your spouse will get inspired! I wish you all great happiness and hours of romance. Don't stop hoping!



ok I'm game.

first let me say my wife asked me to start checking this part of the site out so I think I'm invited by her to start thinking along these lines and that's encouraging.

my wife is working really hard to meet my SF need and I'm working hard to do better at meeting her EN's.

My labido is larger than hers presently. We are both hoping that things find a better balance that way. We're one of those couples that's had to face past abuse and learn to love and support each other. We've also struggled with addiction recovery on both sides and codependence and such. I've come from a lust addiction and she's had other things to deal with personally which have amounted to some degree of sexual aversion on her part.

Why do I say this?

so you have some way to understand what I hope.

presently my wife is initiating a carlford broderick exercises of progressive pleasuring in an effort to regain her desire for sex. Right now we are in the no intercourse part of that where we just focus on pleasuring touch...if you're not familliar with his program it involves a period of non-sexual touching followed by non sexual and sexual touching without intercourse for a suggested period of 20 days each and then sexual relations following that.

we're somewhere in there right now where sexual relations are off limits. the goal is to help her focus just on receiving pleasure and letting go of fears and anxieties and reconnecting with her own body and it's sensations.

What I hope then is this...

1- I hope this works! I hope this works not only because I enjoy sex but because I want HER to enjoy sex and enjoy all that she can from it.

2- I hope I can manage to keep my jets cooled for as long as it takes for us to do this... so I don't spoil the effect.

3- I hope our communication skills improve in talking about and expressing our love for each other in this very personal way.

4- I hope she comes to enjoy touch in all it's forms affectionate and erotic.

5- I hope we can establish and maintain an emotionally secure environment for us to grow together as a couple.

6- I hope I don't get so gung ho about this that I overwhelm her or put her off. This means that I am rather skiddish about "planning" romantic things and really want her to take the lead right now so I know I'm not pushing her or coming on too strong.

7- I hope others who know what this is like will befriend us both me and her and support us in trusting each other and opening up and letting go of fears and setting good limits and boundaries about all this. There must be other people who know what we are going thru, who could offer experience strenght and hope to us within appropriate boundaries and limits.

8- I hope my wife comes to learn how much I really love her and that I can show her the best side of me. She's seen the worst side of me for far long enough. I want her to have more of the best of me now.

the challenge is to plan with our special needs in mind. Fun but not demanding or in any way that is asking her for more than she is ready to and wants to give.

I'm actually the one needing as much assurance that I'm not going too fast for her as she is needing me to be patient and not push.

with that what do you suggest? anyone?


#348822 03/12/02 07:20 PM
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Wow! I bet a LOT Of Ws here wish their Hs were as thoughtful as you are!

What a beautiful gift..to help your wife find pleasure and for you to learn what pleases her emotionally. Kasey, this is AWESOME! I'm sure you will find W becomes much more responsive as you tune into her feelings and emotional needs.

You are becoming friends as well as lovers. This is so beautiful. And romantic!

I stopped writing in this forum as very few people respond--I hope lots of people notice you bumped this and pay attention to what you are saying here.

By the way, the roses were a smash hit

So glad you joined in the prayer link there on the other thread. (ClydeA had some work--not sure if he still is working now and God blessed me with an incredible job last July)


#348823 03/12/02 08:48 PM
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quote:
Originally posted by freshstart:
[QB]Wow! I bet a LOT Of Ws here wish their Hs were as thoughtful as you are!


a lot of wives here are married to YOUNGER men


#348824 03/13/02 12:26 AM
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Hey Kasey, but NO other ladies here are married to you except your own very special lady. I'm telling you...just watch how you will be rewarded...

They brainwashed us women to believe the way to a man's heart is his stomach (really??) I'm telling you the way to a woman's heart is to truly care about her emotions...even if they seem a bit wacked out at times! (Oh, to be free of PMS!!)

My H is 5 years older than me so it's been an issue for me in the past. I think I am not like the majority of women who say or maybe really do not enjoy sex. I always wondered if that statement was a little too sweeping to my gender??

All I know is there is incredible freedom in being best friends with one's mate.

Keep "researching"...I kind of like the way you and W are approaching this. As a pastor, I have counselled others in marital turmoil to start dating again. Sadly, very few heed the advice. Almost invariably, the marriage happened way too fast--met in a bar, youknowthedrill, wedding, no solid basis for the relationship other than lust. There is just so much more for us when we recognize the true beauty in our spouse.



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