Originally posted by freshstart:
Hey, let's at least dream here, please!
....I've found planning for this so healing and helpful.
come on, even if it's not happening, tell us what you wish..maybe your spouse will get inspired! I wish you all great happiness and hours of romance. Don't stop hoping!
ok I'm game.
first let me say my wife asked me to start checking this part of the site out so I think I'm invited by her to start thinking along these lines and that's encouraging.
my wife is working really hard to meet my SF need and I'm working hard to do better at meeting her EN's.
My labido is larger than hers presently. We are both hoping that things find a better balance that way. We're one of those couples that's had to face past abuse and learn to love and support each other. We've also struggled with addiction recovery on both sides and codependence and such. I've come from a lust addiction and she's had other things to deal with personally which have amounted to some degree of sexual aversion on her part.
Why do I say this?
so you have some way to understand what I hope.
presently my wife is initiating a carlford broderick exercises of progressive pleasuring in an effort to regain her desire for sex. Right now we are in the no intercourse part of that where we just focus on pleasuring touch...if you're not familliar with his program it involves a period of non-sexual touching followed by non sexual and sexual touching without intercourse for a suggested period of 20 days each and then sexual relations following that.
we're somewhere in there right now where sexual relations are off limits. the goal is to help her focus just on receiving pleasure and letting go of fears and anxieties and reconnecting with her own body and it's sensations.
What I hope then is this...
1- I hope this works! I hope this works not only because I enjoy sex but because I want HER to enjoy sex and enjoy all that she can from it.
2- I hope I can manage to keep my jets cooled for as long as it takes for us to do this... so I don't spoil the effect.
3- I hope our communication skills improve in talking about and expressing our love for each other in this very personal way.
4- I hope she comes to enjoy touch in all it's forms affectionate and erotic.
5- I hope we can establish and maintain an emotionally secure environment for us to grow together as a couple.
6- I hope I don't get so gung ho about this that I overwhelm her or put her off. This means that I am rather skiddish about "planning" romantic things and really want her to take the lead right now so I know I'm not pushing her or coming on too strong.
7- I hope others who know what this is like will befriend us both me and her and support us in trusting each other and opening up and letting go of fears and setting good limits and boundaries about all this. There must be other people who know what we are going thru, who could offer experience strenght and hope to us within appropriate boundaries and limits.
8- I hope my wife comes to learn how much I really love her and that I can show her the best side of me. She's seen the worst side of me for far long enough. I want her to have more of the best of me now.
the challenge is to plan with our special needs in mind. Fun but not demanding or in any way that is asking her for more than she is ready to and wants to give.
I'm actually the one needing as much assurance that I'm not going too fast for her as she is needing me to be patient and not push.
with that what do you suggest? anyone?