hello all, i wrote what i thought was a heart felt apology to my inlaws ( at the request of my wife ( we are separated now)) i apologized for putting them through all the mess i did! (i had a short affair and the ow called my wife and told her about it.) my wife and i are talking but only very shallow topics. how are the kids etc. the other week i got a letter from the bank saying that my wife had bounced two cheques ( $1460 in total) and i was shocked! i gave her money in the past and she spent it on other things. so what i did this time was buy gift certificates to the grocery store so i know that the money is going to the kids and her food! not lawyer bills and such. I pay the mortgage and ALL the bills ( phone hydro and gas) we are finally getting ahead and now she says that i am controlling where she shops! (i also gave her $100 cash for spending this two weeks) leaving me after bills with about $20 oh well money is not the issue! she says i am being controlling ! i wonder if she hasnt developed a habit that i dont know about? i am trying to do what is right i take care of my family and support them the best i can. Currently i have a job house sitting ( free room and board ) which is good for our situation. i was wondering how i talk the inlaws into staying away while my wife and i try work things out.!! ( oh the kicker is they live a block away! )

sorry just a little frustrated! basically should i continue to give her money? or should i give her gift certificates? it seems that i can do no right! even when i pay the bills she says that i shouldnt pay them in full, that way we have more money for other things? ( i was taught to pay them all in full as soon as i got them! that way i am not in debt!!! ) my number one priority is to pay the mortgage and the utilities! then food and clothing then the others! fuel for the trucks and the cars and insurances etc.

Arf, I have to say you sound dis-jointed in your thread. I don't understand weather it's the in-laws that are the true problem or if it's the money situation. It would be difficult at best to advise you unless you clarified what the actual problem is.<BR>I understand that you had the affair and didn't view it as personally as it seems your wife does, at least that's what I read in your profile. It sounds like she has alot to be angry about and the money is just a sub-issue. I think the one who really needs the apology is your wife and I think maybe you should attempt to see things through her eyes, maybe she feels your not trully sorry for the affair since you tell us that it's not personal, maybe that's what she's hearing from you and the arguements about the money and food issues are just side issues to deal with her anger. <BR>Have you started councelling yet? Are you doing any reading, such as Dr. Harley's books? How much really are the in-laws actually interfering or just reflecting the emotions of your wife? I would check into this and start councelling at least, the two of you need to communicate if for no better reason than the children, and this is your step in the direction you need to go. Either way, may God Bless you!<P>------------------<BR>Chick's <BR>Bren<P>You won't see things until your ready to not be blind!<P><BR>