I came across this study group yesterday and was so pleased to have found some women I can relate to! I rushed out and got the book and I am already learning so much! I feel like I am in constant prayer. someone wrote " I can't go a few hours without something negitive showing itself..... THIS IS HARD!!!" I agree!!!!!! Life has really thrown me for a loop and... I pray that my H will find his way back to me. <BR>You know how they say everything happens in 3's. I lost my cat of 14 years in March, My husband to OW, and i just miscarried our baby at 8 weeks.<BR>God please give me the strength to start each day with a clean heart and take away the hurt and resentment. <P>------------------<BR>morgan

Morgan,<P>Welcome to the group. I see your brand new and just read your profile. You have been through alot. I want you to know I prayed specifically for each situation you mentioned. I'm so glad you found this forum. Stick with us, I believe God is doing might things. He has promised to be all we need! Love in Christ, Cathy<P>------------------<BR>eyes wide open<BR>

Ladies: I have been working through this book daily and find it so helpful. I go back to chapters I really feel a need in and read and reread and pray each day. I must tell you things are working out so well for me. I have seen a major change in my husband brought forth only by God. He has shown me so much affection - hugs, kisses, I Love You's and we are now smiling and laughing with each other. He calls me daily just to check in. I had been sending him little inspirational versus or quotes and quit for a few days. (Didn't want to preach) and then he emailed me asking me where they were. He said he found them very motivational and inspirational. So I have continued. He was here on Friday when the OW tried to call me again. He called the phone company to have her calls blocked so she could not harrass us at home. I praise the Lord for all the progress we are making. I confess I still have terrible thoughts now and then of him with someone else but I turn to prayer at that time. And although we are much more affectionate he has not been too interested in making love to me. I have a need for this maybe because I want to know I am still appealing to him or that I can satisfy him like no other. I have been praying for patience while he works through this and trying not to push myself on him. Thanks so much for starting this up and recommending the book. I love it! Blessings, Joni

So far I've read almost 1/2 of the book. I'm going to re-read His Wife because I think that is where I need the most prayer focus. I'm having a very hard time being forgiving to my husband. If he showed remorse for his actions it would be easier to be forgiving. I feel forgiveness in my heart for the OW, it was not her fault, my husband lied to her at first and told her he was not married. She did find out he was married but kept on with their affair. <P>I too feel like I'm in constant prayer mode, and that this has brought me closer to the Lord. I read daily devotionals and today's made me cry: "He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows, and acquainted<BR>with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not" Isaiah 53.3 "When the dark shadows of trial and harsh circumstance fall over our lives and obscure our pathways, we do<BR>not need to worry or fret, because standing in the dark places is Jesus. He has<BR>walked in dark places himself. The Bible says he was a man of sorrows. It says he was acquainted with grief. It says he was despised and rejected of men. Does this sound familiar. Have you had sorrows. Have you had griefs? Well, He can understand all of those things and more. How will we recognize him in the shadow places? By the nailprints in his hands." This is from the Inspiration On-Line. <P>Lord, remind me once again that you know what I'm going through and you care. Amen<P>

Like several of you I am finding my self going back and rereading the 1st chapter,"His Wife". I am finding something powerful each time I read it and more prayer concerns. <P>I need to get some feedback on one of the thoughts concerning women being the heart of the home. I had a phone call from my son who is coming home with his new wife for the holidays. He expressed some concern that things go smoothly, no traumatic incidents, like Christmas use to be. I felt bad but said I felt like I didn't have the power to fulful his "goal" for a great Christmas since I wasn't the one who brought this awful situation into the home.<P>Brief history.<BR>......discovery on 12/14/96.....ruined Christmas, no tree, no festive dinner etc.......12/26/97.....wonderful weisel showed herself and dropped a letter off for my H at the house we just sold! Ugh!!!!!<BR>......last Christmas was ok but still feeling the heat of the situation.<P>Now after reading what Stormie has to say I am convicted that I am responsible for the situation. pg.37 (you will be expected to see that the heart of your home is a peaceful sanctuary) Did anyone else catch that. The turmoil of the past 3 years needs to end this Christmas. I will be the heart of this home for the holidays with God's help. Please pray for me everyone and also I would appreciate what others thought of this topic.<P>God Bless! Happy Thanksgiving!<P>------------------<BR>eyes wide open<BR><p>[This message has been edited by Taj (edited November 24, 1999).]

Cathy, Thank you for your prayers! <P>I just finished reading chapter 1 and i did the prayer. I cried when i got to the end. On the eve of Thanksgiving I found out the OW is leaving her H and getting a divorce and of course the first thing that pops in my head is that her and my H are planning to be together. I said the prayer and i repeated over and over "Lord give my H a new wife and let it be me." I said it over and over until an overwhelming sense of peace came over me. I am letting go and letting God take control of this situation and I pray that my H will be able to see me with new eyes and realize that the new wife he is looking for is right before him and always has been. <P>------------------<BR>morgan

I have read the first 4 chapters but i keep returning to the first chapter and the prayer in "His Wife" I have realized that i have a lot of work ahead of me with God's help. I deal daily with the hurt and anger and the sense of loss of both my H and the baby i just miscarried. I feel so alone and lonely. This is why I feel that I need to really work on myself! <BR>I know God is with me and that i am not really alone and I already have so much to be thankful for. God had a hand in me finding this prayer group and this book that I need so much. But i still need to lay more at his feet and trust him even more and just turn the controls to God and learn to trust him in all things.<BR>Lord thank you for all that you have given us and bringing me together with a group of women i can relate to. Please continue to guide me during this time in my life and help me accept what ever is best for me and my H. In jesus name, Amen <P>------------------<BR>morgan

morgan, I think you maybe could use a hug?<P>here it is, cyberhug!!!<P>{{{{{{{{{{morgan}}}}}}}}}}<P>hang in there kid, you will be ok.<P>Liz/Pearl of Great Price<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Well, I finally got the book and began to read and pray. I have been praying for God to change me for months. Satan is not a happy camper though and the strife at the house is ten-fold again. It was our anniversary today. Such a sad day for both of us.

SueB - you know, I was beginning to think that maybe the reason my husband has been spiraling downward was because Satan is after him big-time. I think we are on the verge of a change and Satan doesn't want to lose one of his addicts, so he's fighting me with everything he can and attacking H. I won't quit praying this time though!

Finaly got the book today. Read the power and chapter 1 his wife. I knew there were things in me that needed to change but felt that his need to change was greater. I see now that change in our marriage will atart with me. I want our home to be a pleasant place for Arik to come home to. I know sometimes it is not. Clutter, noise, fighting children all add up. I want to provide a sanctuary for him to relax and find peace.<P>There were many things that spoke to me in this chapter. <BR>1)Change me. How often have I sung the psalm"create in me a clean heart oh God and renew a right spirit within me" and not REALLY paid attention to the meaning of the words. We must want to change for God to change us. Merely asking for it isn't enough.<BR>2)I don't even like him. Being honest with God and myself about my anger, frustration and disappointment in Arik was a very cleansing thing. I not only cried I sobbed when I told God how angry I was at Arik and his infidelity and his seemingly indifference to how bad it actually is.<BR>3)Shut up and pray. I have come to realize in the last few days that the words I speak to Arik right now fall on deaf ears. He doesn't want to hear what I have to say and it only irritates him when I say it.<BR>4)Beleiver or not. I honestly believe that Arik still believes in God. He has hardened his heart to Him and turned his back on Him but is still yearning for a close relationship with Him. I can't say anything right now that will bring back to the Lord but prayer will soften his heart and the holy spirit will call to him and he will hear.<BR>5)Creating a home. As I've said before I want our home to be more of a sanctuary for Arik than it has been. He has said before that this is one of his needs.<BR>6)With all due respect. I will admit that I lost a lot of respect for Arik in our early married life. He was unable to work for a while due to the fact that his permanent residency for Canada took a while to come in. After it came he found it difficult to hang onto jobs for a long period of time(a lot of work in Northern B.C. is seasonal). I ended up supporting us for a good portion of our first 2 years together. This coupled with the fact that he refused to help out with household chores made me lose respect for him. Lately the lack of respect has more to do with his infidelity and my disapointment in his weakness at falling to hands of temptation.<P>While reading this chapter I found myself pausing at certain points to say a prayer. I laid my anger, resentment and lack of respect at the foot of the cross. I prayed that God would show me how to be a better wife for Arik. Giving me the desire and the drive to keep my house clean and my frdge and pantry full so that when Arik goes to look for something it is there. I also prayed that God would help me to be more honest with Arik about our financial state(something that is a major downfall of mine).<BR>I prayed for Arik's heart, that it would be softened and the holy spirit could minister to it.<P>So I gues my prayer for this chapter would truly be:<P>Create in me a pure heart. Oh God<BR> and renew a steadfast spirit within <BR> me.<BR>Do not cast me from your presence<BR> or take your Holy Spirit from me.<BR>Restore to me the joy of my salvation<BR> and grant me a willing spirit to <BR> sustain me.<P>Psalm 51:10-12<BR><P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

I do try to remember that our battle is not with flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms, especially when my H is in one of his hateful, verbaly abusive moods. I really have appreciated Chapter 1 and once again reaffirmed what I believed about creating a sanctuary for my husband. I am not a good organizer and was truthful to my H when he kept pushing me to get a job. I am a task oriented person and when too many irons get int ehfire, I make a mess of everything. H left the house in a rage yesterday, screaming, yelling, slamming doors, screeching tires out of the driveway, pretty horrible. I sat on the couch reading all those prayers for him, asking for a hedge of angels around him as he drove and for the Spirit to calm him. We had communication via email all day long, his zingers nad my short replys as Gary Smalley suggests in his book "keys..." I admitted where I was wrong, the areas I had failed him as this book taks about. Late afternoon I finally got a long email from him sharing his fears and his jealousy of my dead husband, etc, etc, really honest. I acknowledged his risk in sharing and really tried to focus on the word pictures Smalley teaches, etc. He called and said he was coming home early (usually uses staying late at work as an escape and as an "I'll teach you!" thing.) House was ready, dinner was ready, candles lit, music on, I was ready when he walked in the door...kinda stunned him..was a beautiful night, able to each practice those word pictures and once when he felt the rage building in him (where he usually gets up and leaves the room) he said "hold that thought" and just held me for a while until he could control it, and then said "okay, continue". God is so good! Able to share how I feel about working outside the home and the suggestions she talks about and how we always seem to have the money for his computer junk but that maybe we needed to make sure that there is money to help with the housework, etc if I need to keep working. I have a bunch of new pants for H that need hemming, I am taking them to the seamtress to do, one less burden for me to focus on. He is important, I am important. I am grateful for this study!

Up<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

The last couple of weeks i have been so discouraged by the events in our marriage and have just felt like giving up on everything. I reread this chapter and it really helped me to put things back into focus. <BR>Lord I know that I have been falling back on my old emotional habits. Take my over reactions, my implulses, the rude assumptions and my self protective stance and make me patient, kind, good, faithful and self controlled. Give me a new heart filled with love, peace and joy. <P>------------------<BR>morgan

I have had this book for quite a while but have been "playing at praying" for my husband. God has really been convicting me to let go and let God and pray. The more I have prayed in the last two weeks the more God has brought me closer to him. It is amazing. As I have looked over the last 4+ years I see over and over where God keeps saying put HIM first. "Seek Me." Don't seek Me to be a wish giver seek Me! I have been doing this and also everything I have read over the last week and what I have been thinking about all centers around the same theme. God is truely amazing. I didn't go to church today so I got out a tape of a previous sermon. "I am the Vine." after listening to this I was again convicted. The knife (pruning shears) of the gardner comes into everyone's life (by way of our trials. For some it makes them softer and draws them closer to God for others they become hard and they fall away. In the first case the knife cutting just cuts them back, for the second it cuts them off. The sermon goes on to say that "Jesus Christ says there is not one thing I take out of your life that wouldn't have been a loss to keep and would have been a gain to lose."<BR>I got to thinking. I know that when I saw this Bible study God drew me closer and in reading this first chapter God said, "so when are you going to get it and make me the most inportant person in your life?" I have been praying this prayer all week and it has finally hit me. During this trial I have tried to control the situation and in doing so I have made my husband an idol of sorts. I have to get rid of that. Also in another group I have just jioned (an on line prayer group for marriages) one member said "The goal is complete and total surrender of our lives and situation to his Lordship! I believe that before God will restore our marriages we must make God #1 in our lives. Our faith in him Must Not be contingent upon his restoring our marriage, otherwise the restoration will fail" I don't know how God is speaking to others, but I realized that, that has been God's message from the beginning to me. I pray for all of us. As we pray for ourselves to be in God's will, He will change us. Thank God. Amen.

hw,<P>Thanks for posting. You and I have been in the same school of learning from the Lord. <P>The focus has got to be on God. I found myself putting my marriage before God and yes my husband became an idol.<P>The last several months I have seen so clearly how selfish I have been and God has been "burning away" the dross. He wants to purify for himself women of gold not tarnished selfish metal.<P>Thanks for your prayers.<BR>God Bless, Taj

Taj<P>Father I lift Taj up to you in prayer. I pray she finds the desire of her heart in Jesus. I pray that she seek you more and more along with each wife here. Father you are an amazing God. Jesus is the perfect husband let us seek Him first. Amen.

HW, I have recently re-read this chapter and to me, this one has been the most important one. Over the years I have been so obsessed with my husband's drinking and running around that I had almost given up on God. Before we separated I would pray the same three word prayer Stormie did, "change him Lord" and then be so hurt and wonder why God didn't hear me when my husband would do the same things all over again. I felt like "why does God let him hurt me like this" all the time. It seemed like every time I prayed, something bad happened. I now know that was Satan attacking ME. He wanted to drag me into the pit, along with my H who he already had there. <P>After I got the book and read that first chapter, I KNEW what God wanted. He wanted ME to change first, and focus 100% on Him. I too had put H first, above all things, including God. <P>I have the prayer from the His Wife chapter copied and pasted on my refrigerator. Every time I see the fridge, it reminds me to pray that prayer again, to change ME Lord, give me a right heart that is pure. Make me into the kind of Christian that You want me to be. One day soon I will have this prayer memorized!<P>

HW & all: I, too, have learned some of the same lessons. When I first began this whole ordeal, my friend (minister's wife) told me to seek God and do what he commands. Not to win back my husband, but because it is God's commandments. My goal was to seek after God to make my ways pleasing to God not to repair my marriage. I sometimes still lose sight of this. Yes, I want my marriage to succeed & so does God but more importantly I must learn to seek God. And that has what has been happening with myself & my husband partly due to this forum. I am thankful we have each other to share and encourage and even complain to when we need it. Blessing to you all. J

Alot of us have been posting on another thread in regards to communication. While I was rereading "His Wife" I found a reminder for all of us that we may of overlooked, I know I did.<P>Stormie calls prayer, "the ultimate love language"! She says since prayer is the ultimate love language it communicates in ways we can't! <P>The devil would want us discouraged with our husbands inability to communicate with us. It would seem that we need to leave even this at the throne room of God. <P>As hard as it is to feel alone with a H that is uncommunicative, prayer melts hardness and we become able to get beyond the hurts, and forgive even this,(pg. 29)<P>Stormie suggests we ask our husbands, "How can I pray for you today?" Talk about an ice-breaker. That sounds like a way to definately start up a conversation. Lets try her suggestion and report back the results!! <P>Its worth a try!<P>God Bless, Taj<p>[This message has been edited by Taj (edited January 12, 2000).]