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Joined: Nov 1999
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<BR>Hi. I thought it would be helpful to have brief introductions here.<P>Please give a summary of your story and then a brief description of your family. I'd also love to know where each of the husbands are spiritually--especially how they would likely describe their spiritual state right now.<P>I think it would help us pray if we knew a bit about each woman's family situation.<BR>Thanks, Pearl.<P>I'll go first. My h. had a fourteen month romantic and sexual affair with a co-worker. He confessed to me in August, It has been over since April. We are in recovery and in counseling. We have three kids. My husband used to be a deacon, s.s. teacher and Bible study leader. These days he says he knows there is a God, but feels that is all he is sure of. Believes that God failed to provide a way of escape from temptation. <P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

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Hi to everyone!<P>My H had an 11 yr 8 mo affair with a desperate women he met at a gym. It will be 3 years on Dec. 14th since discovery. It has been the most difficult 3 years of my life.<P>My H was a Deacon at the time and since then rarely reads his bible and is not involved in church at all. He seemed to receive God's forgiveness initially and truly repented but he just isn't growing as I thought he would.<P>I have done so many things since discovery to complicate an already messy situation and yet God in His mercy has kept us together. Since summer we have had a major marital crisis and I now feel we are actually on the road to recovery. Seems God needed to get me out of the way so He could work!!!!!!

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Ok, here's my introduction:<P>Married 15 years, together 17, husband is an abusive alcoholic, he still drinks. Has committed the three "A"'s - Alcoholism, Abuse, Adultery. H had 6+ month affair with another drinker, drank to extreme drunkeness every day, gave our son alcohol. We separated for 2.5 mos, he's been back 2 mos. He has been trying to cut back on his drinking and spend more time at home. We have a son 14, and I have a grown daughter who no longer lives at home. My husband says he believes there is a God. He does not attend church, nor profess any faith. He lives his life as one of the "lost". I have been praying for his salvation for many years. Since I have been praying for the Lord to change me, there has been some improvement in my husband's attitude towards me and our marriage. This book has been a tremendous help to me in praying for my husband.

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Hello! I have recently (MAY 99) starting attending church. I was not brought up in church. I am 27, have been married for 7 years. We have girls 2 & 4 years old. My husband who does not attend church with us , was raised in church and chooses not to go as an adult. My problem in a nutshell is that he has decided he is no longer happy being married, he still loves me but wants to be on his own. We were a "Great Couple" Never saw this happening in my life. I feel my heart has been tore out from me. My faith that is so new to me anyhow is becoming weak. God can bring him back to me.... Why will he not?

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Hi all... I have been with current H 10 years total, and we were involved strongly with church the first few years of our marriage..Both of us were in the worship team, H on drums and I leading in vocals... <P>H's current affair has gone on for 5 years, the strongest in the last two. I discovered this (I knew something was up the whole time) blatently by catching them together Feb.98 At the beginning of this year, OW and I both delivered babies, me- our 3rd daughter, ow-H's only son.<P>At this time we are separated, I am still involved deeply in a local church, My H has since this mess began fallen rapidly into all manners of worldly sins and even admits himself that he doubts his salvation... <P>This has been such a sad mess for me, but God has been close by my side, and I have seen so much growth in my own spiritual life over the last 5 years that in all honesty, although it has been the most painful of circumstances, I can find joy in my trial (James 1:2- )knowing that My lord is doing a work in me! <P>I am praying that God realy works on my H too, and that He who began the work will complete it as He said he would...AMEN..<P>cozy

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Just in case some of you hadn't seen my last post in the Infidelity forum I used to be untallnikba.<BR>My husband and I have been married for 10 years. We met on a youth ministry team in Washington state. God and the church were an important part of our early years together. We often came together to pray and served on several commitees at church as a couple. <BR>As resposibilities grew we were involved less and less but going to church was still very important to us and we wanted to make it important to our 3 children as well.<BR>About 2and 1/2 years ago my husband was deeply hurt by our parish priest and by several close friends. From that point on the church and God became less and less important to him. He is at the point where he now says he believes there is no God and choses to live his life accordingly. Live for the moment, if it feels good do it, get what you can out of this life because there isn't anything else.(hence the affair and his attitude about it not being so bad).<BR>He has recently taken on a favorite quote which I find interesting(since he says he doesn't believe in God). "If you dance with the devil the devil doesn't change the devil chages you."<BR>I honestly feel he wants to be right with God but isn't sure how to or isn't really sure God wants him to. <BR>I love my husband dearly but I don't like what his new lifestyle and attitude is making him into. <BR>My main prayer for my husband right now that God will reveal Himself to my husband in a way that will be indisputable to him. I believe a lot of healing and forgiveness will come with that.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<BR>

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I almost forgot. I went to the christian bookstore yesterday but "Power of a Praying Wife" was sold out it is on order for me and should be in next week sometime.<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<BR>

Joined: Apr 1999
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Hi, my name is Laura. My husband is Robert. He left six months ago. We are still together half the time. I am Standing for My Marriage.<P>If anyone is interested in Standing for your Marriage...Check out the site: <A HREF="http://www.covenantkeepers.org" TARGET=_blank>http://www.covenantkeepers.org</A> AND <A HREF="http://www.rejoiceministries.org/" TARGET=_blank>http://www.rejoiceministries.org/</A> <P>THE BEST BOOK I HAVE EVER READ ABOUT STANDING FOR YOUR MARRIAGE CAN BE ORDERED FROM THIS SITE LINK: <A HREF="http://www.heartmenders.org/hmtapes.htm" TARGET=_blank>http://www.heartmenders.org/hmtapes.htm</A> (Go to the end of the page)<BR>The name of it is: FIRST AID FOR WOUNDED MARRIAGES. It is focused on helping when only one spouse wants to work things out. IT IS GREAT !!!! It is a very short book and very easy to read. It is only $2.75, so anyone can afford. Gosh, I feel like a salesman. But really, it made all the difference for me.<P>It has specifics about fighting the enemy for your spouse. I also have The Power of a Praying Wife...I am following along in that too. God Bless everyone!<P>[This message has been edited by Laura W. (edited November 24, 1999).]<p>[This message has been edited by Laura W. (edited November 24, 1999).]

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My husband and I have been married for 17 years (high school sweethearts). We have a son age 12. A few years ago, we were both saved. He was a strong christian for awhile and led many people to the Lord. Last summer he had an EA with a co-worker. I found out very quickly, and he quit the job. He left home for 4 months. We have been reconciled since last December, but he hasn't went back to church. He still "believes" the same way, but he thinks that he is not strong enough to live a Christian life I guess. He won't talk much about it. But he always says that he'll go back when HE gets ready.

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I have been married for 26 years. My husband is a Christian, reads his Bible and attends church regularly, and we also attend a Bible study for married couples. His faith isn't very strong and he needs a closer, more personal relationship with the Lord.<BR>For many years my H was a workaholic, had a bad temper, and preferred to live his life as a married single. He had little interest in working on our marriage or family relationships. I felt I stood alone for so long, I gradually became more and more discouraged and bitter. I felt he really did not love me and came to a point where I was ready to leave, but the Lord told me to stay and that He would heal our marriage. God has done a miracle in our relationship! He took us through a healing process and changed both of us. We have a 'reborn marriage', we love each other more than ever and are very close.<BR>Now we are both working on our marriage. I want to learn to pray more for my husband and do all I can to protect our marriage from any attacks from the enemy.

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I am Morgan. My H and I have been seperated off and on for the last few months. He had an affair with a coworker that started last April and we tried to work through it but... He is suffering from guilt, remorse, failure. low self esteem ect... and says he no longer wants to hurt me so its best that he leaves. <BR>I just miscarried our first child. We had tried for 7 years using fertility drugs ect... we quit trying and during the most stressful time in our marriage we got pregnant. To me it was a sign from God. My beliefs have gotten stronger over the months but my H feels that his heart is just black that the world is cruel and God is evil. He is an alcoholic who has decided to go to AA and is trying to quit and i am hoping that will help. I have my work cut out for me in letting go and letting God because I like to control and I am starting to learn that if I get out of God's way he works some wonderous miracles. <P>------------------<BR>morgan

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Hi, I'm Lor. We've been married 16 1/2 years. The affair began in April 98 with his co-worker. It lasted off and on until August 99. Seems to be over. We've been separated 6 times & are currently separated, although he wants to move home, I want him to be very sure 'cuz I just don't want to go through the death spiral again.<P>We have 2 daughters, 11 & 14, ages where they pretty much know things aren't right.<P>My H was on the congregational council when his affair began, we were very involved in the youth ministry board as well.<BR><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>

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My name is C. Married 11 years. My H moved out in Jan 99 and was renting a room. He is an alcoholic and had been alcohol free and under a doctor's care for depression and anxiety before he left. He came home everyday and did everything except sleep at home. In the wee hours of the morning June 16, 1999 I began reading "The Power of a Praying Wife." I cried my eyes out and the devil must have been upset that I had such a powerful book in my possession because on the afternoon of the same day I had a huge argument with my H, and my FATHER told me that my H was having an affair. But after a few days God led me to continue reading the book and praying the prayers. H has not admitted to an affair, but still insists she is just a friend. H still comes in every morning and cooks breakfast, does laundry and assists in taking care of the home and children. He was raised in church but has not had a personal relationship with the Lord. He knows that I pray and he has asked that I continue to pray for him. God has not restored our marriage, but I see Him moving in the lives of my husband and my children. I am thanking God now for what he has promised to do....Nothing is impossible for God.

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My H had a brief affair during the Christmas season last year (HO HO HO) and I discovered him as he was walking away from the affair (more or less) in early January. Recovery is going well.<P>We have three girls 14, 10 & 4. My H and I were both raised in the same conservative Lutheran denomination. We both have long roots in church and family. I believe it was these shared values, along with the grace of God, that saved us.<P>However, I think my H believed because it was such a way a life and had not developed a personal relationship with the Lord. <P>Recently I have seen signs that his faith is becoming more personal and I praise God for that.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

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FHL,<P>I am so glad you decided to join this prayer/study group. I have been waiting to see if you would post. You have had so much spiritual insight and wisdom to shed of my situation that I really hoped you would eventually be a part of this forum. There really is alot of wonderful answers to prayer that have taken place all ready. Just thankful you're with us.

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Thank you for the nice welcome. I would have been here earlier, but a family emergency took me out of town. It turned out well and through it I saw a lot of great spiritual things I was questioning in my H and I think, no he told me, how incredible he thought I was handling a crisis and how his family could not have done it without me. So time well spent, but that's why I haven't been here. I hand wrote a prayer 14 pages long using this book as a guide, so I'm READY!!!<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

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H and I dated in high school and college, have been married 25 years. Oldest child just graduated from college, not moving home. Youngest child a freshman in college. We had just built new home and moved in when I started noticing he did not want me sexually. His personality changed, started acting as if he hated me. Started Plan A in Dec. 98, and stayed in it until 8/99 when I moved out. OW is now out of the picture and has been. Don't know if he stopped it on his own or if he was dumped. <P>H has moved out of town for job opportunity. We see each other every other weekend at least. He did mutter that he loved me when he left last weekedn. No mention of reconciliation from his part.<P>He has been diagnosed as depressed by two therapists. Thus far he isn't taking meds, but seems to be coming out of it on his own (new job, etc.).<P>He isn't spiritual. Never has been. I've always gone to church alone with the children. He says he believes in God. That is good.<P>I'm just trying to love him and not give up.

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Count me in - I sure could use some prayers and cyberhugs....<P>Briefly (I'll try!), my H and I about 1 year into recovery from his affair after 15 yrs of what I called abuse and what he called "a little controlling" behavior. He went to a Psychologist privately for over a year to figure out if there was something wrong with him - but insisted I get therapy for myself, so I would fix me. Turned out, I was diagnosed with depression and went on Zoloft. It helped, for sure. He was told that he was very controlling and that the level of abusive episodes was "scary." He hid this feedback from me - I just found his therapist's notes. He had books recommended to him, which he never read, nor would he read any of the MB books I bought. My therapist felt strongly that he was a Narcissist and that our marriage would always be a struggle - esp. since he refused joint counseling. He did give up the OW and start going to Mass. However, the churchgoing slacked off and he has at times admitted he isn't sure he has any faith. He notices people who do, and cries like a child out of envy for what they have. But he will not do any searching on his own. Here's the sad part....<P>Our 15 yr old son just joined a satanic church and professes to be satan at his high school. He has the satanic bible, is heavily into pornography and has lied to us about his grades, even falsified his report card. (changed a D- to a B-) He says this church makes him feel important. He is clinically depressed and has been on Effexor after a suicide gesture 6 months ago. His reason for the gesture was our insistence that he complete his Catholic Confirmation training. The social worker and his Psychiatrist were very pleased with us for letting go of this and letting him find his own way. It all seemed to be good advice until last week. We really thought he'd turned his life around - the grades were better, he had a girlfriend, seemed happier. He had dismantled his web site - which we hacked into after Columbine - and which to our horror was a satanic site.<P>So I'm asking for your prayers and support ans I try to get him away from this terrible influence. Some of my old anger towards my H is resurfacing...(when we married he convinced me he believed in God and wanted children....wrong on both!) My son does not feel he has a relationship with his dad and honestly didn't care if we reconciled or not. I see now that my H's narcissism caused him to envy my son his birth - he feels that his son stole me away from him.<P>I would love for my H to have a true conversion, and for my son to believe in a power higher than himself. I know this is a tall order, but lately I have felt as if I'm all alone on an island of faith. I also have a 12 yr old son, who is an altar boy (so far), but puberty looms...<P>I will go back and read all your stories once I post this. Sorry it got so long. <P>

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Hi ladies, My name is Gabbie, I'm 29 years old, have been with H for 5 years, married 3 yrs. I was saved in 1991, but stopped going to church in 1993 when my first marriage failed. I have recently started to read my Bible again, and am looking for a chirch where I can feel 'at home'. My husband says "I believe there is a God, and I worship in my own way, so don't push me into going to church." However, within the last few months, he has mentioned church a few times, so I hope that he will take that first step and at least walk through the door. At this point, I don't know where else to turn, but towards God. H thinks I am having an affair, or at least doing some serious fooling around...I'm not. He seems to question all my moves and habits, and has lately become what I call emotionally abusive. He makes rude comments to me, and says he is only trying to be funny, and while some people may laugh, it is at my expense, and my self esteem is going downhill fast. I know that when he makes these comments, I should just "shut up and pray", but I have programed myself to 'fight back'...either by throwing words back at him, or just shutting down completely. He is also addicted to porn on the net. Last week, I told him how much it bothers me that he looks at that filth, and he promised not to look at it anymore. But I have a strong suspicion that he is still looking at it, and has found a way to hide what he is looking at. <P>I am praying that the Lord will show my H how much it hurts me when he makes rude comments, puts me down, and looks at naked women on the internet, and that my H will come to me with an open heart and tell me his mistakes so we can deal with them. I am also praying that the Lord will come into my heart and make me the kind of wife and mother He means for me to be. <P>You are all in my thoughts and prayers.<P>Gabbie

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I can relate to some of what you are saying Gabbie. Welcome to the group. My H is pretty verbally abusive as well, denies my feelings as valid and tells me that his feelings are important. I am having a hard time understanding dying to self in light of all this. We have been married 3 years today.

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