When things started to go wrong with us, almost 2 years ago, one of the first things to go was affection. I've got pictures of us in college and we were always arm in arm, smiling, laughing, kissing. There have been times during the separations that I felt what I termed "skin hunger". I wanted touch, eye contact, to be held.<P>Hugging the kids helped, and the 11 year old is very affectionate. The 14 year old stopped kissing when she was in 2nd grade and is a stiff, quick hugger.<P>My husband said he stopped touching me because he felt unworthy to touch me. The very thing that would have helped, he was unable to do.<P>This is one of the big changes I am seeing. He touches my face, my hair, holds my hand, pulls my into his arms, cuddles me. I can feel the healing within both of us beginning.<P>I pray for the transforming power of the Holy Spirit to make this a change that lasts. That we be transformed into the husband and wife God has called us to be.<P>God be praised! <P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P>

I have prayed for months (since before confession) using this book. One of my favorite chapters is 5, because I need affection so much. <P>In our counseling sessions, we discussed each others weaknesses and he finds me 'needy'. In the area of affection, that is certainly true. <P>Since we have begun building a new relationship, we are both much more demonstrative and affectionate. <P>Lord, I pray for open affection in my marriage to become the norm, not the exception. Amen.<P>Liz\Pearl<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

My H is high maintanence. He requires alot of affection. He wants me to meet him at the door when he comes home from work and give him lots of x's and o's. I am less demonstrative. In other words I was the one who withheld affection because it wasn't a high need on my list. Of course the OW was able to fulfill that need in spades. Hindsight is really tough sometimes.<P>My prayer, Lord, forgive me for not sensing my H's need for affection. Bring us into a healthy balance. May I never take my H for granted. Help me to faithfully reach out and touch my H with affection. Thank you for revealing to me the importance of affection through this book.<P>"Let no one seek his own, but each one the other's well-being." I Corinthians 10:24<P>------------------<BR>eyes wide open<BR>

My H is not the best at communication or what I would label itimacy, but he has always been good at affection, at least in our own home. I guess it is easier to hug if you have a hard time talking.<P>I do wish he would act be more affectionate in public to show the world he is proud of me. So my own prayer is he feel comfortable enough to show the full range of his emotions in public and in private.<P>------------------<BR>Faith, Hope, Love Remain,<BR>but the greatest of these is Love.<BR>1 Corinthians 13:13

One of the things I wish I could go back ten to fifteen years and be more affectionate. Seemed like I was always "busy" with something else. I know now how starved he must have been at times. I pray for a second chance.

My husband is cold-hearted. I need more affection from him that what he can give. When I first met him he was affectionate, and when we've gotten back together after one of the separations (we've separated 5 times since we've been married) he would be more affectionate for a week or two, then back to his cold-heartedness. I really long for him to come hug me on his own, without me having to hug or kiss him first. He does know that I need this. When I explained this need to him his response was "well, you know I've always been a cold person". <P>My prayer has been for the Lord to soften his heart and fill his heart with love for me. I'm going to start praying for my husband to show more affection, and for me to keep being affectionate to him.

Amen, Ladies!<P>I, too, crave attention from my H. His only afection towards me comes in the form of sex. I need to be held, touched, caressed, but all he seems to want is sex, then it's all done. 9 times out of 10, as soon as he gets his sexual release, he either turns on his side, away from me..or gets up and leaves the bed.<P>My prayer is that God will work in my husbands heart and show him that I need more affection that is not sexually based.<P>Gabbie

Ahhhhh... Affection....H and I both need lots of it, but at one point when I had 2 babies 18 months apart, I was too busy and wanted him to give me lots without thinking about him... H said he went days without hugging me and I didn't even care? Ouch that hurt.. I think I was sooo busy that I didn't notice and that is awful of me!!! I prayed that I would be able to meet this need no matter how on overload I seem to be or distracted by circumstances that bring me down...<BR> I am ashamed of the fact that I let 'things' get so in the way that this affection issue took a back seat, but, gladly I have turned this around... I need it, always have and I NEED to give it too... Its nice to snuggle.

Up<P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

I think for years I had affection mixed up with being considerate. My husband can be very affectionate but is mostly inconsiderate. Most of his outward affection in the past though has been to initiate intimacy. This bothered me for years but I didn't say anything. I would just pull away. I think this really caused a rift in our relationship. <P>My prayer is that true affection will return to our marriage. That we will long to hold each other and feel the other's breath on our skin. <P>------------------<BR>Love and Prayers<BR>Nicole<P><BR>

Up for Carrie!<BR>

I just have to post this praise and update. I hope that it is understood not a bragging, but as marvelling at a miracle.<P>Back on Nov. 30 I prayed for affection to become the norm in our marriage.<P>I'm not sure when the changes began, but I now get at least one kiss and hug every morning before my h. leaves for work (this is usually how I wake up, with him leaning over to give a kiss). Our physical relationship is better than it has ever been, and we actually TALK about it. We both touch each other in passing several times a day, and he uses 'terms of endearment' that I never thought I'd hear.<P>We went out to eat on the 12th for V day and it was really special...no mention of EMA by either of us.<P>But the best part, the thing I wanted to share most because you will all know why it is so precious, was his card to me yesterday.<P>a cupid on the front,<P>this message inside:<P>Happy Valentines Day <BR>to my heart's desire<P>I am in awe of the healing grace and miraculous power of God. On Aug. 10 this year I was told "I've never loved you romantically and I may never. I want a divorce."<P>I've got to go in to my class.<P>Please don't give up on your marriages, miracles DO happen.<P>liz\pearl<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Liz,<P>This is even more confirmation of the hand of God on this forum. You and your H ARE truely a miracle. PTL! For answered prayer.<P>Maybe all of us need to go back and review some of our original prayers when this study began and bring forth the praises for awhile.<P>We may not all be where we want to be but as Gloria Gaither says, "Thank God I'm not where I was".<P>Thanks for updating us. <BR>Blessings, Taj<p>[This message has been edited by Taj (edited February 15, 2000).]

Oh, Lizzie, your post has just brought me to tears! God is so good to us!! Thank you Lord for answering Lizzie's prayers.<P>This is also probably the area that we need God's help with the most. My husband has never been very affectionate, I CRAVE affection. He has started to call me "honey" instead of the derogatory names he used to call me, and one night last week he told me "I love you with all my heart". This man also told me last summer that "he didn't love me, wanted a divorce, couldn't stand to be around me, etc. <P>He also gave me a valentine that was very special. I will cherish it forever. The credit for all of these improvements goes to our God, for through Him these things became possible. Thank you so much Lord.

God is so good. (Of course He was good when things looked bleak too!) <P>I know this couldn't have happened if God didn't give me the patience and calm strength to love my h. when he was being so unloveable.<P>blessings to my dear sisters,<BR>lizzie

I posted a few days back about this, and Taj was nice enough to call my attention to this thread, but I'm still wondering about my question... maybe someone is more likely to read this here. My problem is not that my husband has a lack of affection. We are VERY affectionate at home, and he initiates much of that. My problem is with me, and it sounds as if one or two of you have had somewhat similar experiences. I think I shun public displays of affection. I don't know why, but it annoys me, and at times, I can see that it might hurt my husband, although he hasn't said anything about it. I don't know if it's that I'm afraid of what it might look like to others, or if I have some underlying supposition that it's inappropriate, or what, but this is my problem, so I'll just put it out there, and see what you all have to say. Once again, just to let you know... we are very affectionate at home. Maybe it's a lack of balance? I don't know. Do I need to change? Opinions are welcomed.<P>Carrie.<P>------------------<BR>Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.<BR>-1 Peter 4:8

affection was the first thing I lost when she came into his life, he quit kissing and holding and all the things I really liked, now he says "I don't want to", and I know it is because he is still lusting after her, even though theyare not in contact he is still holding onto that lust in his heart, I so badly want to hold him and touch him, but if I do he says I'm attacking him, I'm not trying to, I just want to be next to him, I so miss all the small touches we used to have and we will have again, please pray for me for patience to give him the time he needs to heal and one day he will reach for me again, I am his convenant wife and God does stand behind our marriage, even if he doesn't believe it, I do.

Regina,<P>My heart breaks for you right now. I can sense your deep pain. Physical touch is so very important. God created us that way and he knows how you are feeling.<P>I just read this morning in my devotions that God through His divine power gives us ALL we need for life and godliness. So if that is true and I believe God's word then he will somehow give you that physical touch you so desperatedly need. It won't be through human hands necessarily but through God's divine power He can be all you need. <P>Yes you are your husbands covenant wife but you are also the bride of Christ and in that position He will touch you. God wants to be your husband until your earthly husband is brought back. Trust God for this.<P>Father, I pray you will touch Regina in such a way that her hunger for physical touch will be satisfied. Help her to lean real hard on you. And Lord, bring this husband back body, soul, and spirit to his covenant wife. I ask for a total healing of this relationship. In Jesus Name<P>------------------<BR>"Perfect love casts out fear" I John 4:18<p>[This message has been edited by Taj (edited February 17, 2000).]

I needed to post a praise on this chapter. It was brought to mind again yesterday when I was discussing and praying this chapter with my 2 friends.<P>I shared about how I am the one who doesn't demonstrate affection, or at least I don't do it enough to satify my h. <P>The Lord has really been working on me in this area and I believe I have improved by leaps and bounds. PTL!<P>My friend commented that she felt like my history of sexual abuse is probably the reason I don't( or haven't)shown affection freely! Wham! It was like a light went on and God was revealing to me another area I needed His healing touch in! God is so good! I feel like knowing is the beginning of healing freedom. <P>Thank you Father for Your faithfulness to continue to make me into a complete child of God. You truly do more then I could ever ask or think. Keep shining Your light on me Lord into every corner and crevice until I am complete in You. IJN