I've jumped ahead and back to this chapter a couple times. Decisions and choices are very difficult for my H right now.<P>For those of us coming from the Infidelity forum, I think dealing with the choices our husbands have made is very difficult. Especially when they say those affair decisions had nothing to do with us, or were not to hurt us--but we were devastated...and personally I want little more than the assurance that he will not make choices that hurt me anymore.<P>My prayer comes directly from part of Stormie's:<P>Lord, "there are may plans in a man's heart, nevertheless the LORDS counsel--that will stand" (Prov 19:21). Instruct him even as he is sleeping (Psalm 16:7) and in the morning I pray he will do what's right rather than follow the leading of his own flesh (1 Cor 3:19).<P><P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

Oh, Lor, how did I miss that? That is such a key passage. Glad you pointed it out. I find as I read and reread a section, something new comes to light that I missed the first time. I jump around a lot and read the chapters that I feel I need during a particular day. So, once again, thanks. I am so concerned with my H taking the OW to small claims court for money he lent her. I really don't feel this is the right thing, but I don't know. I just told him, I would support him either way and he knows my opinion. Any scriptual guidance?

Page 100, "We have to remember that all men think they are doing the right thing....but God is the only one who can give true discernment." <P>Discernment, to truly see things as they really are and not just as you want to see them. My H has a tendency to compartmentalize everything. He can deal with it or leave it alone, whatever his frame of mind is at the moment. That is a surefire way of getting yourself in trouble. It is also a form of worldly escape. I see the need for him to use godly discernment in his choices, or his choices just become a tool the devil can use.<P>Lord, fill my husband with the fear of the Lord and give him wisdom for every decision he makes......I pray that he will listen to godly counselors and not be a man who is unteachable. Give him strength to reject the counsel of the ungodly and hear Your counsel above all others.

I too found this chapter to be enlightening in the process of taking hte log out of my own eye. so often when I know it is the Spirit givng me insight and wisdom, I attempt to pass this wisdom onto my H and am berated for such. I feel hurt because I feel as my job as "helpmeet" is negated and discounted. Smile. How often then do I "try" another way to help him see since I feel so strongly that something has come from the Lord, only to become that "constant drip" that sends men to the rooftops. I have prayed for the Lord to show me I am wrong in something, but never thought about asking the Lord to reveal such to my H, much less increase the fear of Him. I have prayed for godly wisdom for Him, but this chapter revealed something else to me in my own attitude about praying for wisdom for my H.<P>Father, forgive my attitude of self-righteousness when you reveal some insight to me that I am to share with my husband as his helpmeet. Give me your holy wisdom to silence my tongue at the first rebuke and to call to you to give my husband the fear of you and the hunger to seek your wisdom and will in these situations. Give him discernment to make decisions based on your revelation. Help him to make godly choices. Open his eyes to clearly see the consequences of any anticipated behavior. Develop his sensitive spirit so that he hears your voice and avoids any foolish choices. I thank you Father in advance, knowing that if we ask in Jesus' name, our wills aligned with your will, that you will do anything that we ask.

To those of you who read my previous posts, I continue to need your prayers. I told you about my H taking the OW to small claims court to recover money he lent her. I felt it was wrong and yesterday sent him some scripture versus I felt were calling to me. I did not suggest he call it off, although I wish he did, but only suggested he ask for God's guidance in this matter. I was afraid it would get ugly and he said it wasn't the money it was the principle. Well, today he received a notice in the mail that the trial has been moved to "civil" court. I don't know what that means. I called him & he asked me to fax him the info. He said not to worry and he would take care of it, even if it meant dropping the case. I pray that he CAN still drop this and we can close her out of our lives forever. We will be moving out of state in 6 months and then we can be totally free. Keep up the prayers and I will continue the same for you all! Thanks! J

It's me again on this subject! Just wanted to update you all. Saturday I heard my husband on the phone leaving a message for his attorney stating he wanted to go after her and get this money back etc. It was discouraging to me. Finally Sunday morning, I talked to him about the case again and tried to find out what he really hoped to get from it. As far as we are concerned their relationship is over. We can concentrate on us but not with this still hanging over our heads. I only see more hurt, pain, and humiliation from this. He didn't say too much but just before church he told me I was right and is going to drop the case. (I hope he still can.) He told me with tears in his eyes how this whole affair and my support has brought him closer to Christ where he needs to be. I am so grateful. Praise the Lord!

NewDay,<P>What a great answer to prayer! I have been praying for your situation and agreed that the court case would keep things all stirred up. God is at work and I can see it in so many of our posts. What a privledge to bring our concerns before the Lord and know that He knows what are needs are and acts accordingly with His perfect will. Your H sounds like he is experiencing God's Spirit moving in his life. You must of had tears of joy along with his. PTL!

His choices..... Not mine, and I really need to learn to shut up and pray in this area!!<BR>I have watched so many choices that I thought were so wrong, and of course the choice to have an affair instead of fix'n what he had.... boy do I have to shut up and pray!!!!!<P>I have been dealing with some issues, and I really need some prayer that my H will choose to go through the 'Harley' books with me... I want to get rid of the crud and rebuild... How do you or did you bring this topic up... <BR> Hey honey, I want to go through these books with you... ??? That wouldn't work... Or.... For a christmas gift, could you do this for me???<P>just rambling and trying to bounce things off someone else... H wont do councelling and really wants to stear clear of the affair topic, so I guess I just pray... what good timing to have me in this book...<P>God is good isn't He!!!!!!!!!!<P>cozy

Cozy: I understand what you are saying about bringing up the subject of going through the books with you. I asked my H at one point to go through the needs questionnaire but he said he wasn't ready. That was a couple of months ago and I haven't asked again. I want to but I felt really bad when he said "no" last time so I haven't asked again. But better yet, he is reading scripture everyday. I bought him a great book at the Christian book store for Christmas and I found it under the bed this morning. He had been reading last night. And a friend of our bought us a couples devotional bible and he suggested we start using it after dinner each night. What a great way to start the new year. I am so greatful. I still feel the need to do the questionnaire and discuss the books with him (he is NOT a reader) but am praying for the right time and right words and way to approach it. I will pray for you, too. J

edited because i love my h and I promised<p>[This message has been edited by POGP (edited January 07, 2000).]

I, too have a non-reader husband. There's been a couple of times he's asked me what I am reading (I was reading POPW) but has never so much as looked at the cover of any of my marriage-help books. POPW is normally on the end table between his recliner and the sofa, so he would have every opportunity to look at it. I got the biblical based pamplet about "How can I save my marriage" for him, and gave it to him. He took it with him to work one day but it is still on the dash of his truck, untouched. Sometimes it seems like I'm the only one trying to save our marriage, but I do have to remind myself when I get discouraged that at least he's not hanging around in bars, and is making the effort to call me back if I ever page him. And, he did go to church with me last week. He won't go to counseling though, I gave up asking him to go a long time ago. So, I just keep praying and hoping for that miracle to happen.

I am very frustrated with his choices right now. Mostly because he has chosen OW over me. Sigh! I keep praying for him to make better choices and I have a hard time believing that she would be a better choice. I will keep praying for him in hopes that we can still reconcile. <BR>Lord, Help guide me through this time, help me to understand what H is going through. Give him truth and knowledge to make the best choices and the strength to resist the temptation of infidelity. <P>------------------<BR>morgan

His Choices is a very important chapter to me. I need to re-read this one, and really get into the prayers in this area. My H has not made good choices most of his life. Stormie's statement in her prayer "Show him the truth and close the door" is something I've added to my prayers. I have a husband like the one she describes on page 100, paragraph 3. She is right when she says it is our jobs as Christian wives to love and pray for our husbands. <P>I especially like her prayer on page 101, "help him to make godly choices and keep him from doing anything foolish. Take foolishness out of his heart and enable him to quickly recognize error and avoide it. Open his eyes to clearly see the consequences". <P>

Had to go digging back through some of our beginning stuff.<P>Today is a day for choices. H's because he has 4 days off and already has begun the "sob sob poor me I am angry, you are a terrible wife and that is why I have to go to porn sites, because you won't give me what I need" stuff. <P>Mine, because I am not feeling love today. I don't feel hate either, more of apathy rather than empathy, of sadness, loss of compassion, of amazement that he cares for so little for himself and us, disappointment that I feel so undervalued by this man. <P>And all this because I have made a choice to go out with a friend, to have needs for support and conversation met by a female friend in Christ instead of staying here and being punished by watching him boo hoo and make nasty comments. I think my choices are expanding too. I think I am going to look for an apt. today. Moving wasn't in my plan for my marriage and the thought of boxing up stuff is overwhelming, but perhaps in the step towards righteousness, I better honor my husband this way rather than allowing resentment to grab a hold of me and destroy all love for him.<P><BR>Father, you have given us free choice. I ask that you help my husband in this area of choices, that you guide both of us to see your perspective and to glean from your wisdom, that you teach us about your love in the light of choices we make. Sterngthen my husband Father to make choices according to your will for us rather than his will for me. In all things Father be number one in our lives, break down all addictions and allow us glimpses of the hope you have for us that we might be encouraged to stay on the narrow path you have before us. Teach us through this trial and guide my actions today, that out of love for my husaband I will make the right choices rather than out of selfish gain. Be in our midst, IJN, Amen.

Well, after spending a couple of hours with my friend and hashing out options and comparing them with the Word, I suppose I feel strengthened some to go one more day.I remind myself that each day has enough trouble of its own. Got a great letter from a sister in Christ and my response got eaten by the puter dragon, so begin it again. <P>I am aware with great intensity the angry feelings I feel. So hard not to just let them spill all over the place, but I am convicted to guard my mouth and heart, to learn this speak the truth in love thing. No, I am not stuffing them but as comments are made, I am replying to them truthfully and calmly for the most part and apologizing when they don't come out the way I had desired. I have to admit sometimes it feels like when I wore my Social Worker hat, getting to the "what is" without the emotion.<P>H has retreated into the silent grunting cave man mode, saying nothing when asked what is going on with him, grabbing inappropriately and I am removing his hands with quiet responses. His perception of scripture is that I do not have the right to say no. I remind him of mutual satisfaction, of muutal submission even though he doesn't want to hear this. Part of me feels like I am in withdrawal.<P>He has made a tentative appt with pastor for next Saturday. Will see if he follows through. I will continue to work on my step 4. Continue to pray for us please that we may correctly discern the choices before us in light of the total picture.

Hi SueB. Will be praying for you and your husband. <P>Lord, I thank You this morning for the joy that comes in the morning. All our praise is Yours Father, You deserve all honor and praise. Lord, help us to hear You today, and see Your works in our lives. Lord, I lift up SueB and ask that Your presence covers her, bringing her peace and joy. Help her to lean completely on You each day, and continue being an example of Christ's love to her husband. Thank You Lord for giving SueB wisdom and insight. Father I pray that the Holy Spirit comes to her husband and speaks volumes to his heart. Soften his heart and give SueB favor with her husband today. Let the convicting power of the Holy Spirit overwhelm her husband, please Lord. IJN I pray, AMEN<P>Also, thought I share a little something from the Al-Anon bookmark I use.....<P>"JUST FOR TODAY I will try to live through this day only, and not tackle all my problems at once. I can do something for twelve hours that would appall me if I felt that I had to keep it up for a lifetime."

silent grunting cave man mode... ROFL!<P>SueB, I knew you were somewhere in this forum. I love your description. It fits my H perfectly. Sounds like we're on similar paths. I was tempted to add "unfortunately" to the end of that sentence. We're building futures that don't include our H's. Unfortunate seems to be the appropriate word to describe the parting of ways. For me, choosing to stay in an unhappy marriage is truly the unfortunate choice. I still dream of what might have been. I've received some mighty warm feelings in response to some recent prayers, and it's so encouraging. The scenario of my prayer did not include H beside me. Again, I want to say how unfortunate that is, but it's time to embrace some new concepts for my future. I will always love my H. I have to learn how to do that from a distance. <P>I remember you in my prayers SueB. You've been so helpful to me when your own life is undergoing tremendous trials. I thank you and I thank God for letting our paths cross.

Hi lady, did you get my email?<P>I am still not picturing my life without my H, but after reading some of HH's stuff, recognize that it might be years and years before it is what God would have it be.<P>For you, I guess working on Karenna's list is still a foremost task that will help you bunches in the future and help clear some of the fog that you have been feeling. Even if you only work on 1 or 2 questions a day, you will feel like you accomplished something.<P>Hugs to you!