From reading everyone's posts, I find that we all seem to struggle with thoughts of failure, memories of pasts hurts, continuing pain from those old wounds, angry, vengeful ideas, and the belief that things cannot change.<P>I have been unsuccessfully trying to root out my bitterness toward the OW by sheer willpower. <P>I found that not only did I fail dismally at chasing away those violent thoughts, they seemed to take on a life of their own when I had a 'trigger' come into my head. <P>I re-read "His Mind" and did a little praying about MY thinking. <P>Now, when I start to have those violent thoughts, I immediately pray, "Lord Jesus, I take this thought captive and deliver it to you to take charge of." My times of struggle are now just momentary and God is freeing me from my anger.<P>I don't know if or when I will ever be completely free from the desire to harm her, but I know how to stop the runaway train before I entertain the idea too long.<P>I have found that this process works for me when I have times of despair as well. (They seem to be prevalent during PMS times especially). <P>I believe that this "taking captive" and "delivering the thought" to the Lord can help anyone conquer those seemingly 'out of control' debilitating circular thought patterns.<P>WE CAN BREAK FREE AND LIVE AS HE WANTS US TO! The purpose of the cross was to finish the battle. We just have to take hold of the means of victory.<P>Try this. With practice, it is a very quick process. I think you find that regaining control in this area is an incredible blessing from God. It sure is helping me every hour.<P>2 Cor. 10:3-5<P>"Though we walk in the flesh, we do not war according to the flesh. <P>For the weapons of our warfare are not carnal, but mighty in God--<P>for pulling down strongholds, <P>casting down arguments--<P>and every high thing that exalts itself against the knowledge of God, <P>BRINGING EVERY THOUGHT INTO CAPTIVITY to the obedience of Christ."<P>blessings abound, take hold of them...<BR>LIZ <P>------------------<P>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR><p>[This message has been edited by POGP (edited December 22, 1999).]

Thankks POGP for the prayer warfare tactic.. I need lots, especially with OC in the picture, unless OW disappears outta the picture on her own accord, I will live with a part of this mess forever in my life... My biggest anger trigger has been the validation of this OC by H... H even made the girls think of OC as the same as my children from before our marriage... This was crazy... and H thinks its valid... How can this be... I keep praying for his mind as it seems to be all in a state of confusions and untruths at this time... I really need prayer so that my feelings dont get the best of me, and ruin my relationship with H... <P>Its been a little difficult this week, I am just trying to love unconditionally, but Im being stabbed at every turn.... Soooo I just will keep on praying that the thoughts and maybe my emotions will be captive by my sweet Lord and Savior Jesus... I know he loves me and will listen....<P>cozy

Cozy, <BR>I know how difficult these 'mind battles' can be. Take heart, I am seeing the fruit of prayers for the mind DAILY. <BR> <BR>I have stopped trying to MAKE him change, and instead been praying for his eyes to be opened. Since I seem to live in our van, I also pray diligently everytime I am driving my kids someplace, asking God to be revealing His truth to my h. at that moment and throughout that day.<P>Gotta go do some housework,<P>LIZ<P>edited in accordance with my promise to my husband...<BR>------------------<P>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR><p>[This message has been edited by POGP (edited January 07, 2000).]

Thats so good that councelling is working.. My H wont do something like that... I guess I just want a quick fix to something that was in the process of breaking for 5+ years.. I guess I should be happy today for what I have and then I'll not get so riled up about all the little things too...<P>I have had to deal with a few OW/OC issues during this holiday, but they seemed to have worked themselves temporarily out... I see that I will bump into these issues again because it concerns visitation with OC and what OW will except and what I will except, and they conflict... <P>Of course Im sure all of you would agree that her idea only to have H see OC if I am not present and she is, would be very unexceptable... I told H I have to be involved, so H is stuck in a spot where OW will keep him from seeing OC.... I don't want to end up being the blame, but this is where my thoughts keep taking me.... Jesus really needs to take my thoughts and even worse, my imaginings captive!!!!!<P>cozy

POGP, you are so right. The next time I get one of those negative, "it's never going to work" thoughts, I'm going to try your method. Its great that your H is going to counseling. I haven't gotten mine to that point yet, but with the Lord on my side, it will happen someday. You are such an inspiration to me and I thank you for your wonderful insights. Please keep sharing.

here i am re-reading this post, after a mind battle that lasted a day and a night. this time it was just the acts- it just kept pelting me with what my h did with her. i know they are fiery darts from the devil. I failed to put on my armor, it seems that my sheild of faith doesn't fit when i have pms! Eph. 6:10 is so clear, i'd better get my little ones to memorize it, i homeschool, so when they memorize it- they say it over and over all day!! i appreciate this site.<P> do any of you struggle with these kind of thoughts----these flaming arrows, sometimes a visual picture if your husband committed adultery? what do you do? i do lots of things but sometimes i cave in and sink. again i pray 2 cor 10:4 "Lord take these thoughts captive" and according to 1 Cor.10:13 help me to stand, show me the way to escape the temptation to think about these things, help me to instead fill my mind with the Phil.4:4-8 list...lovely, praiseworthy, of good report.......

hi neen!<P>yes, I struggle with images that pop into my head. In the first weeks after confession, I asked for and got lots of details...it was part of the obsessing phase, feeling like if I knew more details I could cope...Now I am glad to know the truth, but suffer because of the details I got.<P>The reason I posted this string in the first place is that these battles seem to be so common among the betrayed. <P>I don't have any great wisdom except that I have found that sometimes a whole day will now pass without the invasion of the horrific images, so I guess what I want to say is that they do fade and they do hurt less over time.<P>Sometimes when I get too weary to carry the load myself I just pray "Lord, I cannot do this, please carry me for a while."<P>I have been told many times here and on the Infidelity forum to remember not to shoulder the burden my h. needs to carry. <BR>I am having difficulty distinguishing between a proper attitude of prayer and feeling like I am somehow trying to convince God to help us.<P>I don't know how to achieve a balance, yet.<P>blessings,<BR>liz<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

I am struggling with the mind battles lately too. I don't know why because it seems for awhile I was able to shut them out. Then all of a sudden, the last few days the thoughts of the two of them together keep popping in my mind. I don't have alot of details so my imagination can run wild. I don't really know when, where, how often, or really even how long the affair was going on, so it is all up to my mind. My H is aware that I have been down for a few days and I questioned him about contact with her. Thought maybe these mindless thoughts were my instincts telling me something is up. He says there has been no contact. I guess it all started after her phone call to apologize to him. Guess it just brought those thoughts to the surface again. So please pray for me. I realize the battle is not with the flesh and who the real enemy is...he sees our marriage beginning to heal and is out to destroy in any way he can. He knows how destructive these thoughts can be. So please help me battle. Pray, Pray, Pray! I will continue to pray for you all who are struggling in so many areas. Praise God for blessing us with the forum! J