I have alot of this chapter underlined, it seems to be more meaningful everytime I read it. The affair has been an eye-opener for me in more ways then I can describe. <P>I have had the tendency to blame the OW for the majority of what went on. I found forgiveness right away for my H and just kept blaming her. Consequently parts of his responsibility were covered up by my own hands. This has been a trial for both of us and I wanted to take away alot of his pain. After reading this chapter I see how very wrong I was.<P>Page 113 Stormie says, "If your husband is going through a difficult time, carry it in prayer...don't carry the burden!.....don't try and take away his load and make it yours. That will ultimately leave him feeling weak or like a failure." This is exactly what has happened. I am guilty as charged and it took this book for me to see it. "God doesn't want you doing His job. He doesn't want you trying to be the Holy Spirit to your husband. Even though it hurts to see him struggle and you want to fix it, you can't."<P>Father, forgive me for trying to do Your job. You alone can work holiness into my husbands life. You alone can turn his trials into triumphs. Help me Lord to Pray, encourage and support my Husband. May his trials purify and cleanse my husband that he comes through them as a winner. "I pray that he will look to You to be his "refuge until these calamities have passed by"(Psalm 57:1)<BR>In Jesus Name I pray.<BR>

thanks taj.<P>please read my 'alias' posts for today. i am having a horrible time today and i am losing the battle with my spirit. i want to quit. from the ecstasy of last week to the throes of despair...he isn't worth this much pain...but what about my 3 boys? i am so tired that i would even give them up if the pain would stop.<P>please pray,<P>thanks<P>lizzie<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Father God, I pray right now for Liz her husband and her children. I ask that you would again intervene in the circumstances that surround them and give them your peace that passes all understanding. Where there is pain Father give your balm of healing. Where there is confusion Father give your clarity. Truth has been revealed and it hurts, Lord You give freedom with truth so protect this family from Satan's counterfeit. I ask that this would only bring Your good for Liz and that what the devil wants to destroy You would restore in full measure. Thank You Lord that you truly are Sovereign over EVERY situation to those who trust in You. In Jesus Name I pray.

This chapter really hit home for me too. I, too, have been trying to do His job in this area. It is just so difficult to let it go, and rely totally on the Lord to take care of my husband's problems. I have to do it though. There is one area of concern for us that I feel I've been given direct instruction from God to "leave it alone". It concerns my husband's upcoming assault trial. I have prayed and prayed that the Lord's will is done with this. My husband wanted me to call the prosecutor and beg for mercy for my husband. I did try to call, and every time was not able to reach the prosecutor, in fact he has never returned my calls. To me, this says that God is handling this and keep out of his department! I feel bad seeing my H in a panic over this but feel so strongly, and with out a doubt, that I should not interfere here. Lord, please help me to not interfere with your plans for my husband. Instead use me as a tool for your will. IJN, Amen.

Ouch...what you said about blaming the OW... I have been doing so much of that! I finally said that I felt like she has stolen 5 years of my life to my H the other day and H said that I was blaming the wrong person..Ya can't steal whats given freely.<P>Any one say OUCH ? Yes H is admitting that he is the worse culpret in this, I am not sure what caused this response, Im thinking he is still protecting OW... That sure hurts.<P>So have any of you asked your H what were the circumstances that made them fall into this trial? I am thinking about asking what circumstances make calling/contacting OW the most tempting so that we can fix the situation...?? I have a feeling that when H stays up all night he finds himself alone and vulnerable, but with kids that get up early, I can't be up all night too... This has always been a trial, as Im a morning person and H a night owl... So how does this work itself out???<P>comments? Bless you all... cozy

I did the same thing this last monday! I had OW happened to answer the phone where H is staying and... I blamed her for ruining my life. I actually told her that i have nothing to live for. I knoiw i do, but at that moment after i had just found out he had spent xmas with her I was very distraught. my H said the same thing that I was blaming the wrong person. So... do i tell him that he has ruined my life? <BR>I too, feel like he is just trying to protect her! After all doesn't it take two to tango? <BR>lord help me heal this pain! <P>------------------<BR>morgan

Im rereading this chapter and the first paragragh really stuck out.... MY attitude in tough times... how I react emotionally..<P>The last time my initial reaction was "Count it all joy" I can't remember "if" there ever was one... First I react wrong, sometimes I'm lucky and I just internalize my incorrect behavior and no one else sees it, BUT its still incorrect...I have realized many times at the onset of a trial or tribulation that I forget how BIG my GOD is!!<P>Does anyone else forget??? Gee, God created the whole existance as we know it by thinking it into being and we forget that He can take care of our families, marriages, finances, health and so much more... My worst sin has always been worry... So the verse I have always returned to is this..<P>Phil 4:6 Don't worry about anything, instead, pray about everything, Tell God what you need, and thank Him for all He has done.. 7 If you do this, you will experience Gods peace, which is far more wonderful than the human mind can understand. His peace will gaurd your hearts and minds as you live in Christ Jesus.<P>I always get that far and screem out "But how do I do this Lord?" <BR>I finally figured out that He didn't stop at vs 7, but lets me know how in the next verses..<P>8 And now dear brothers and sister, let me say one more thing as I close this letter. Fix your thoughts on what is true and honorable and right. Think about things that are pure and lovely and admirable. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise. <P>Its like "DUH" thats how I can (vs 4) ALWAYS be full of joy in the Lord.<P>God says "LOOK AT THE GOOD" and so we should, it will make these trials a situation where we can truely find joy.. I have learned a hard lesson in all of this, that God doesn't allow us to just go through bad stuff, but rather allows us to and walks with us through the bad stuff to refine us... Our job is to surrender have faith and grow spiritually..And in remembering that we are maturing in the Lord we can have some joy in that as a bonus...<P>I think I am giving myself a lecture this morning as I look at a New Year... Hope you get something out of it too.. <P>Bless you all in '2000' , love you guys, cozy

UTBC,<BR>Thanks for the Phil verse. I hadn't taken that one out in awhile.<P>My H called me this morning, which was nice. He asked me how my day was going, "Good, I'm keeping busy, how about you?" He turns into Eeyore from Winnie the Pooh, "Not good." And I find myself wishing I could grab him by his shirt and shake him into seeing how good his life is! He utterly DWELLS in darkness, he seeks the dark, he becomes dark.<P>I've had grace, empathy and mercy for him so long that it surprised me to just want to slap him up. I am not at all to blame for his affair, although I have certainly done my share in the marital problems. However, I keep turning myself & the situation over to the Lord, my H does not. He sees no spiritual battle, he believes in God, but doesn't seem to grasp his power through Christ to live a new life and spiritually free himself from the sins he has committed.<P>And of course, my figurative (or literal for that matter ) shaking of him wouldn't help. I have to stay out of God's way. God is my God, my H is not my God and I am not his Holy Spirit.<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Do not get tired of doing what is right, for after awhile you will reap a harvest of blessings if you do not get discouraged and give up. (Gal 6:9)<P><BR>

Ah, yes, isn't it tempting to want to get in there and just 'touch up' the paint job a bit--I mean, surely God wouldn't mind if I just mucked around in His work a little, right?<P>I couldn't resist responding, as I am soooo prone to trying to be the Holy Spirit in my h.'s life. Even today, I purchased the book "When Good Men Are Tempted", because I want HIM to read it...I even thought of giving it to a guy friend of his and asking him to tell my husband it is a good book! Meddle meddle. Better I should spend the time praying, as the HS is definitely speaking to my h. in his dreams!<P>Guess I'll just read it myself, and if he wants to borrow it....<P>hugs to you all,<BR>lizzie<P>------------------<BR><BR>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR>

Hmmm.... Busted.... Guess I didn't buy "The Christian Husband" for me did I?? I am a fixer and I know in most cases its wrong and it has gotten me into trouble before..<P>Where do you draw the line though... Do you let the power get turned off or loose the house so that H will learn to provide? Or do you fix it by working your bu!! off so that the mortgage gets paid??? I struggle with this.... Pray for me to know what God wants and have peace to allow it to happen..<P>Scary thing... cozy