I posted this on POGP's thread, but just in case you didn't see it: <BR>Mitzi - don't give up, keep praying, and get the book we're using (Power of a Praying Wife). Your husband's brain is in a big alcohol induced fog. One day soon the fog will lift. My husband is still drinking (a LOT), is still in denial, and basically is still his selfish self but I have seen some good changes since I've started my prayer vigil, like the fact that he went to church with me last Sunday - first time in 14 years. This alone was a miracle. There is hope for alcoholics. I used to say that my H was a "hopeless alcoholic" now I say he is an "alcoholic without hope". But, I have hope for him, and faith in God that the Lord will deal with his alcoholism in His time frame. We must continue to pray and be patient. I know how very very hard that is.... some days I just want to scream at him to get out and I never want to see his face again. But I won't do that, because I love him and know deep down there is a sober H waiting to be set free. It's just a matter of time Mitzi. Pray, pray, pray!!!

AW,<BR>I have prayed day and night for your husband and mine. For God to give them strength and the power to make good decisions and to keep them safe. I've also prayed that He helps us (the wives) have the strength to deal with what has been laid on us. I feel a kinship with you, I guess because of the similarities in our lives. I thought today that I might give up but after I talked to h I realized I'm not ready to quit on a 14 yr relationship, that includes a 10 year marriage. I know that I'm supposed to be with him. God blessed the union the day we were married. <BR>I'm slowly coming to realize my part in his leaving. I wasn't attentive enough. I resented him for not being home enough and I punished him by basically ignoring him. But, how do you have a romantic evening when the other person is drunk?? It's impossible. Mostly because I resentd the fact that he didn't care enough about my needs to come home at a decent time, and be sober when he got there. Now that I've come to realize that, I can work on ME being a better spouse. Then if H decides to come home, he can work on HIS problems and faults. <BR>But I still have faith in God and our marriage. I refuse to go down without a fair fight!!!<BR>

That's the spirit Mitzi! Keep your faith in our Lord, he will always be with you. Did you get the book yet? If not look at the older posts and read those about chapter 1, His Wife. It really helped me. I have so much empathy for you because you are in the same boat I was 3 months ago. <P>Tonight my H was very angry with me because I had to work late. As usual, he had been drinking and accused me of having a boyfriend at work. This greatly upset me and caused me to cry all the way home. It's like I have worked so so so hard on Plan A only to have him cut me down and be mean to me, again. I could see the anger in his eyes and knew this was his way of starting a fight so that he could justify going on a drinking binge. I think he's headed for one because he's been cutting back on drinking during the week but goes overboard on the weekends. And we all know what tomorrow night is....the alcoholic's favorite night. It was bad enough spending Christmas Eve and Christmas Day with him drunk. I didn't lovebust those days though, but I sure did tonight. I should have ignored his disgusting comments. I'll say an extra long prayer for him tonight. I'll be praying for you and the others on this forum too.

I think all the prayers must be working. There's nothing new with my H but I'm much calmer and feel more able to cope. And I didn't need meds either. That I am proud of. I read your post about your husband being arrested. Now I think of all the stuff he's done to me and I wish I had had the courage to call 911, at least once. <BR>The alcohol has turned him into a coward. He has completely bruised one side of my face, put my head thru a wall, pulled my hair out and thrown me on the floor. And thru all of this I have loved him. Some of my friends say I am afraid of him, or that I only think I love him because of low self-esteem. But that's not true. He CAN be a wonderful husband and father. Right now the alcohol and his choice to drink it won't allow him. It's a vicious cycle that I wish he had chosen to break. I'm determined that my children will not act like this. <BR>Take care of yourself and be strong. I'll be prying for you.<BR>