This forum was started for us on Nov 17th, so here we have been for a month and a half and what is the result...???<P>I first want to say that this is much more positive than the infidelity forum, as I have been back a few times and that forum feeds my negative feelings and I can get mad or upset and hurt with a short amount of reading because our stories are so similar.. But THIS looks at the goal prays for the future and trys not to wallow in the mire that we need to forgive/forget and move on from... Its great for me...<P>Its been a month since H came home, its been very nice as H is trying his best.. Things are very affectionate, and I am really trying to focus on the good... I know there has been a few slipups with OW/OC but since I expected some, It hasn't knocked me for a loop... <BR> I still am having a hard time knowing that OW is just waiting for us to fight so that he'll run her way, so Im behaving and praying and not making things pressured, just talking about the love I enjoy and my feelings about all of this and praying that H will eventually have the light flipped on and see all that this has done....<P>I struggle with the OC issues alot, I don't mind him being brought up, as he is an innocent in this as are my/our own children, but the fact that OW is useing this child to try and get H to see her alone irks me... Told H that the child should not be used for bait and he said he doesn't see it that way.<P>So we have some issues, H needs a job, I need more work, I gave up assistance to have him back home and am praying that the struggles of this time trying to make ends meet doesnt once again cause problems in our relationship... Also I am praying that I see the spiritual renewing in my H... I think this would be the icing on the cake!!!<P>Ok there is my update... I didn't realize how much I missed all the touching <melt>.. I think that things are progressing pretty normal so far and there are no resentments crowding in my mind yet...another area to pray for... But I started out this bible study a single woman and am now in recovery! I think thats something to give praise for!!!<P>Thank you Jesus!!!<P>cozy<P>Who's next??? Leave your specific prayer needs so that I can come back to this topic and pray... It gets way too confusing rambling around to see who needs what...

Cozy,<P>I agree, I find this forum better for my focus and peace of mind then the Infidelity forum. <P>I am thankful for the other forums for they taught me many of the basics of recovery, but now I feel it is time to move on and focus on loving and praying for my H.<P>Here's my update:<P>It was 3 years on Dec. 14 since discovery.<P>The past 2 months have been wonderful and my H and I have been able to finally focus on each other instead of the hurt and pain.<P>We celebrated our 33rd anniversary in November and my H got me a beautiful sapphire and diamond ring ( sapphire is my birthstone).<P>The biggest change is in me! I have stopped love busting and actually have been able to be relatively free of the haunting thoughts of the OW.<P>My Pastor said in church on Sunday to "shut the door to the past that haunts you". This is my prayer for the New Year. That I can live for God instead of living in relation to my circumstances, they do not define who I am for I am a child of God.<P>I am so thankful for this book. It has truly changed the way I look at my H and has made me a praying wife instead of a betrayed wife! <P>God Bless, Cathy/Taj

I wish my update was as positive, but my H and i are meeting tonight to discuss divorce. I am dreading this but i just don't see a way out right now because he refuses to leave the OW out of our lives. I will continue praying for him and I feel I will always love him but.... I am at a loss of what to do and feel I have to protect myself financially since he will be out of work 6 weeks or more with this surgery and no income. I wish things were different. <P>------------------<BR>morgan

Oh Yeah Taj!!! I love getting jewelry... (my birthstone is also saphire) My H bought me a georgous Boliva watch last year for Christmas...looked more like a white gold bracelet than a watch.. I only take it off for showers This year H was broke, but I show him the watch and say "This still hasn't warn off yet", and he knows Im OK...<BR>I agree that its been ME that is changing the most, and I'll pray with you on closeing the doors to the past and living like the child of God that I am... <P>Morgan... I've been there! Do not give up yet!!!!! I heard the D word alot in this last year or so, and here I am in recovery..<BR>I kept telling H that I loved him and I didn't want a divorse.. I also said that if I needed to protect myself and kids financially that I would file a separation agreement for the purpose of control over those things I needed to be able to change..ie: his debts were his, my house was mine, etc... but It never got to that point. I said also that I did not believe in divorse and that if H wanted it, he would have to do all the mess <and I prayed like mad> turned out deep in his heart he didn't believe in divorse either and decided that he could live in limbo <stressed out> for as long as he had an OW and Wife situation or he could do something with his marriage.. Prayer and logic won...<BR>So hang in there, I will pray that the Holy Spirit makes him ( your H ) so uncomfortable and that the light gets turned on for a sound mind, that he sees no choice other than what God intended for marriage...Till death do us part!!<P>Let no man tear usunder!!! AMEN, cozy<p>[This message has been edited by used2Bcozy (edited December 31, 1999).]

I wish I could be giving you a more positive update, but the reality of my situation is not good. My husband has been back home for 3 months. I thought he was here to work on our marriage, but it does not look like that is the reason he wanted to come home. <P>As you probably know if you've read any of my other posts, my husband has a severe drinking problem. He also had a 6+ month affair with a bar sl**. He had been physically abusing me regularly for the past few years, during his affair it got progressively worse until I couldn't take it anymore and he was arrested. He is now awaiting trial, set for the end of January. <BR>It appears to me that the reason he wanted to come home was to get out of the charges against him. His actions this week have reinforced my feelings about this and have told me he is not committed to our marriage.<BR> <BR>My husband has been extremely angry and <BR>hateful with me all week. He's right back where he was before he was arrested, except he hasn't beaten me up. He has screamed at me for things that were so trivial it would be funny except that his anger is so frightening to me. I feel like a whipped puppy cowering in the corner these days. I have been kind, loving and caring to him for the last three months and don't know what I've done to make him turn on me. A week ago I would have thought he loved me and wanted to work things out. Now I don't think so. I believe his anger is because of the trial notice he got this week stating that it would be a jury trial. I had been praying so hard that he would accept the prosecutor's offer of probation plus AA and counseling. He refused the offer. I believe his attorney is pushing him in this direction because 1) he wants more atty. fees, 2) if my H were to get out of the charges, it will help him in our divorce/custody case.<P>I truly love him with all my heart. We would not be in the situation we are in now if he would not have started drinking again, but he did, and we are. <P>I will continue to pray for all of you and hope so much that each of you is able to work your marriage out. I think I'm ready to give up on mine.<P>

AW ya know, each time I'd feel just like giving up, I'd go to my room and on my knees Id cry out to God... EACH TIME, he showed me a glimps of the light at the end of the tunnel.... We cant fix it ourselves, we have to surrender it... Thats the hard part, letting go and giving the whole mess to God.<P>I'll be praying for you throughout the month for the strength to stand firm in prayer and love untill this date at court.. be prepared for even worse before the day happens and gird yourself mightely!!! I'll stand in proxy for you... God's grace, mercy, strength and love to you... cozy

Thank you cozy. I am so grateful for the prayers. I am so worried about this trial, because I think I will have to be there to testify against my H. Also, I know that my H's lawyer will try every dirty trick in the book to discredit me. My nerves are getting frazzled! <P>I need to go spend time in my prayer closet. I have this awful sick feeling in my stomach. I have been praying for a resolution to all of this so hard. I won't give up my faith in God though. I have been through a lot of rough times in my life and believe the Lord helped me through all those times. Thank you again for your prayers... I'll be praying for you too.<P>AW

Aw, it really saddens me to hear your stories. Although I felt my life was over when my H affair was discovered, I have never suffered the abuse that you have. It makes me give thanks to the Lord one more time for the things I do have in life. Anyways, here is my update. It has only been 3 months since I found out about the affair. My H has cut off all ties with the OW and was in fact very angry with her. Seems he lent her $1,000 and she refused to repay him. He decided to take her to court. (He did not tell me this at first. I found out by seeing some papers in his briefcase. He did tell me days later.) I finally talked him into dropping the case. I saw nothing but more heartache from it. He told me he filed the papers to drop it before Christmas. (I saw the paper in his briefcase dated Dec. 30). So I am grateful he has done this, I am still concerned about his lying to me. How can I trust him? I can't confront him on this because I don't want him to think I was snooping through his briefcase (which I was). Otherwise, things seem normal at home. He has gone about life as if this whole thing never happened. Good at times - but still concerns me. He has become more affectionate towards me and has also begun reading God's word each day. A friend once told me to pray for him to get close to God and then he would become close to me again. I believe that to be true and am continuing the prayers. This has been a wonderful outlet for me and I will continue to pray for you all. Blessings, J

AW,<BR>I just finished writing you a long response-used a lot of brain power, and then guess what- I had entered the wrong password and lost the whole letter to you!Bummer!!!Now I am very tired, so I will just say that I am certainly praying for you!!!<BR>Be anxious for nothing-----<BR>Remember that anxiety is "unbelief" in disguise.<P>GOD WILL MEET YOUR NEEDS!<P>Yours in Christ,<BR>Joynicole<BR>P.S.<BR>My update.............Don't really have one- H. hasn't called for a few days while on his "Holiday away from me"- don't know if he is safe......Trusting that he is.........

Cozy<BR>Thank you for your response. Since H and I met on Thurs eve I have been very sad but... I have not given up. H needs more time. He wants a divorce at this point but... wants to wait until he has recovered from his surgery. That gives me another 2 months. 2 more months for me to pray and pray. At this point I am going to give him space and when we do communicate I will tell him I love him and that I do not want to divorce. I am scared about the finacial stuff and do have an appt with a lawyer next week to discuss options to protect myself. I am not sure what I will do at this moment. I quess I am waiting for guidance. After our discussion I did call H to talk about another solution to a bill and I discovered that he was very depressed. More depressed than I was. Maybe that Holy Spirit is working hard on him already. <BR>Lord give H a sound mind that will make the choices that you have in mind for us. Fill him up with the Holy Spirit and flush out all the evil that even he feels is working in him. Give him strength to resist temptation and remove all his anxieties about his upcoming surgery. In Jesus name Amen <P>------------------<BR>morgan

I wish My update could be better but things are still the same,but he is calling today<P>------------------<BR>maybe someday<P>

I want to thank you all for your prayers. I have been sick for a couple of days so haven't been on the computer or I would have thanked you all sooner. <P>I think I know why my H has been acting the way he has. He got an official notice of the jury trial for his assault charges. It is now real to him and he is blaming it on me. He knows if he doesn't take the prosecutor's offer he may very well end up in jail. He knows that if he does take the prosecutor's offer he will have to stop drinking. Either way he has to stop drinking and he can't deal with that. So he's blaming me for making him face what he's been denying for so long. <P>He still has the idea in his head that if I call the prosecutor and beg for mercy they will drop everything and his life will go on just the way he wants it. He does not understand that in this state there is a "no-drop" policy for all domestic abuse cases. I have told him this but he can't seem to get it through his head. Lots of prayer is in order here.<P>All I can do is pray that the Lord's will is done with this situation. I have been praying and praying that the Lord soften his heart and lead him in the right direction. I guess Satan is fighting back even harder trying to keep my husband's soul. <P>I'm really worried that if I don't ask the prosecutor to drop this my husband will end our marriage. Please pray with me about this today, I don't know what to do. <BR>

AW,<P>You certainly will be in my prayers. You are going through such a hard ordeal not just with your marriage but with your H and his way of handling HIS TRIALS.<P>Go back to the chapter and reread what Stormie says on carrying your H's burden. That is a hard piece of advice to follow but in the case of most of us on this forum we want to try and fix things out of love.<P>Too bad that can be the wrong kind of love and will only enable our H to continue doing things that are hurtful to others and hurtful to themselves.<P>We all have consequences to pay for our actions either large or small. In this instance with your H maybe this will be the way God will finally get his attention. Or maybe God will do a miracle and get him free from his alcohol addiction. <P>Either way it would be God's hand in your H's life and not yours.<P>I'm not there in your circumstances so I may be totally off the mark but I know God sees everything and I will pray for Him to have his will be done in this situation.<P>Keep posting so we know what specific prayer you need.<P>Love Cathy/taj

edited in deference to my husband's wishes------------------<P>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR><p>[This message has been edited by POGP (edited January 07, 2000).]

edited in deference to my husband's wishes------------------<P>"I have found the Pearl of Great Price"<BR><p>[This message has been edited by POGP (edited January 07, 2000).]

Wonderful! This part of the forum i mean. I came here first to read about obsessive thoughts written by pgop. thank you. it is a continuous battle,the whole recovery process.<BR>i have been reading the threads here but haven't responded since i don't have the book yet. but i am working through "Lord, Heal my Hurts" by Kay Arthur. The Lord has been using this guide in my life. then i come here and read all kinds of confirmations. one thing was in a study of Romans 6. Sin does not reign over us, He died so it would not. that means my husband's sin too. It is NOT the master. too often i let it (the memory of it, the pain of it) enslave me. This is the area that i am praying about. it seems like one step forward two steps back. <BR> i would like to share a little hint. at times i am so distraught with agony that reading the Word seems like salt on a wound. i wonder why God seems to have worked in such mighty ways, yet seems to have ignored my pleas. i have discovered that reading the same verses in other translations will get me out of a rut...the amplified is good for this. i can read "the same old verse" in the amplified version and it comes to life all over again. here are some verses that i read over and over: Psalm 62, Heb.11, Heb.10, Hab.3:17-18, joel 2:25, 1 Pet.5:8-10, Psalm 30:5,Psalm 37, Phil 4:4-8, Phil 2:13 & 3:14, Psalm 34, 2 cor. 10:4, Psalm 42, Heb. 12:11-15, Psalm 40, Jer.17:14.<BR> I have these written on index cards and i keep them in my purse to read throughout the day. hey i just thought of an idea for a new topic!

Thanks again for your prayers. I honestly don't know what I'd do without you ladies to pray with. Nothing's changed at my house yet. H is still blaming me, seems to be getting more ornery ever day. <P>I have been praying that the Lord handle this situation, to take it completely out of my hands. Again, yesterday AM my H wanted me to call the prosecutor. I told him I would try, prayed and prayed about it all AM. Placed the call to prosecutor's office and NO ONE ANSWERED! That's enough for me, its not for me to deal with. I'll keep praying that the Lord's will is done in my husband's life and the Lord to open the doors that need to be opened, and close those that lead down the wrong path. <P>We gotta keep praying together!!

AW, I am still praying for your H and mine. This is the hardest battle for them and with God's love, they can make it.

I will continue to pray for you ladies. You know, my problems seem so small when I hear some of the trials you are going through. Things are much better for me and in only 3 months. My h said yesterday, he could never have made it through this if it weren't for my prayers and encouragement. He feels bad he has not done the same for me. Although he has made many changes for me, he feels it is not enough because I am still hurt inside. But I am healing everyday and I appreciate even the littlest efforts he makes. As things get better, though, I find myself forgetting and taking the little things for granted again. I am being so very careful not to do that and to continually love and support him. I feel for you all who have so many issues to deal with - I only had the OW - no alchohol, drugs, OC, no job, etc. Counting my blessings... J

Thanks Mitzi. I'm praying for you and your husband too when I pray for mine. God bless you and give you peace during your trials.<P>Newday - thanks for your kindness and prayers. I hope that someday soon I can report that my H thanks me for my prayers and encouragement. I am so very happy for you that your marriage is going well. You'll be in my prayers. Dealing with the OW is enough! I told my mom one day that I must be going to get a big reward in heaven for all the he** I've been through here. I've just got to keep faith and trust in God, because all things work for the good for those who love the Lord.