Those of you who have been reading my posts know my H was suing the OW over $1000 he lent her. Argggghhhh! I finally convinced him to drop the case and let us move forward. So he did. Yesterday the OW called his cell phone while he was home and thanked him for dropping the case and apologized for all she has done. (i'm not sure why that took 10 minutes or so to say, but am glad it is over) I knew it was her by the look on his face so I didn't even ask. He told me she called to apologize. He knew I was disturbed just by the fact that he talked to her. He told me not to be upset, he loves me, & wants nothing to do with her. Then he got upset and was crying saying he has done everything he can and I still don't trust him. He is afraid I will never be able to trust again. I was honest with him - I want to trust but it is very hard right now but I have faith God will restore that trust in time. It has only been 3 months for us & I am still so cautious. I was hurt so bad and felt so foolish to believe all his lies before. I asked him to be patient and to have faith also. God will get us through this. "The beginning of anxiety is the end of faith, and the beginning of faith is the end of anxiety." Blessings, J

NewDay,<P>Man, that trust issue is a biggie!!!!<P>This is from my own perspective and I'm 3 years into recovery. <P>I don't think trust is ever the same after an affair. How can it be? <P>Most of us had blind faith in our H's and I don't believe in hind sight that that is ever healthy.<P>The trust you will develop in recovery will be "eyes wide open" kind of trust.<P>God doesn't trust us explicitly. Think about it He says in His word He knows mens hearts! Why should we not realize the same?<P>I believe we are all capable of some horrendous acts given the right circumstances.<P>I always thought my H was perfect and that was a wrong attitude. No one is perfect except Jesus and we are to strive to be like him.<P>Maybe your H has some unrealistic expectations of the kind of trust he wants from you. It is in his hands to rebuild the trust he lost due to his actions.<P>Keep your trust in the Lord and He will guide you through this maize of hurt. <P>"Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your path." (Proverbs 3:5-6)<P>That is where my trust lies now. I am content in knowing that God is faithful and I can always count on Him.<P>A marriage can still be good even when the initial blind love is no more!

NewDay, I'm happy she apologized. You are making great progress. I'm praying for you. At least he cried and is remorseful. My H isn't. <P>Taj, I agree that rebuilding trust is a BIG issue, probably one of the hardest things a human being can do. It sure is hard for me. My pastor told me I must trust my husband until he gives me valid reason not to. I too have my "eyes wide open".

"eyes wide open" isn't for the weak hearted. it is torment. the fear of being lied to (again) is real. but i think we need to treat it like any other fear. we need to be responsible for what we do and then trust the Lord for the results on a day to day basis. easier said than done. but if it is any comfort, my friend once encouraged me by saying that the faith i had in my husband was virtous. although i feel foolish for believing all his lies. i am humbled by the realization of the rejection that Christ endured, on purpose, for us. Isaiah 52:3-7 reminds me. He is aquainted with grief and sorrow. <BR>sometimes i feel sorry for my husband when he cries, that he is trying so hard and i still am so hurt- and cautious/afraid, but healing takes time. 3 mos. is not that long.

I wanted to explain myself alittle further concerning trust.<P>I don't know about you but it seems like inevitably something is always coming up to bring to the forefront the affair my H had.<P>I get sick and tired of the reminders sometimes I could scream. The day can be going just fine and the phone will ring with no one on the other end, BOOM! I am back in the middle of the mess again at least in my mind. (the OW called and hung up at least twice each day for over 10 years)<P>Yesterday in the mail a renewal was recieved for a policy on an air conditioner. It was to expire and so they sent a reminder. Sounds pretty innocent, except we have never owned an airconditioner and I know for a fact my H bought one for the hairy beast!!!<P>I tried to call my H right away but he wasn't in his office. When he came home 3 hours later I was a bit down to say the least. <P>To make along story short he did have an explanation and all is well. My point is the trust was gone. Before I would of thrown the notice out without a second thought.<P>Yes, I do believe my eyes are wide open and it is not for the weak hearted as neen has said.<P>I want to live in the real world, not in some fantasyland which I created. The "White Knight" syndrome is not all its cracked up to be.<P>I could wish things were different but I'd rather pray and let God change things. <P>

I think you all make some really good points. I do feel that trust is essential in the long-run for our marriage. At least to the point that I don't find it necessary to check his briefcase & pockets, etc. when he is not around. I hate doing that but still feel compelled. Strange, because if he did have something to hide, he would not keep it in his briefcase because that is how I discovered his affair in the first place. Found a wonderful "love" card to the OW in there. I told him that I am waiting for the day when I can honestly say "I am so grateful to the Lord for the trials that we went through because it not only stregnthened our love & relationship but also our faith & relationship with the Lord." I can see these transformations but still cannot truly say I am glad we had to experience this heartache to get to that point. I still believe I will be able to trust again & have faith God will provide what I need. Thanks to all! Blessings, J

Reminders are everywhere for me...just 1 1/2 months into recovery after separation for 8 months... The game he lives to play was OW's first and when it comes up it has her nick on it... Of course OC will be 1 on friday... thats enough to keep you on your toes... I have to face each day, just depending on how things are each minute and remember that "What God has put together, I can pray that no-one tears asunder"... My faith is in God, not my husband, for he is human, and humans fail.... This is how I got through 1 year of plan A while the affair was full blown and OW and I were both pregnant...<P>I heard a sermon today on one of the bible study radio programs that I listen to in the morning, and the pastor said we are called to forgive..... but if its an assult on you, you don't forget or go back into the situation with 100% trust... that is leaving your brain behind...<P>Remember that the only persons we know for sure can change is ourselves, and we have to surrender to God to let Him do the changing!<P>Gee, Im lecturing again... Boy did I need that! <P>cozy