I am new here you can read my previous post. My question is this, mainly for men because as we all know men and women's sexual needs are very different. I am the betrayer and my H and I are seperated, we have not had sex since labor day. Men how do you handle this??He is a pastor and I know at least for now he is not seeking sex else where. He is on anti depressents which may be affecting the sex drive somewhat. For now we hardly talk and he dosen't want me touching him, I keep thinking that the sex maybe the way I can reach him, if I can get close enough, maybe the desire would overcome him. He did come to get the kids yesterday and I was pretty decked out he asked if I was going Xmas shopping and I said yes, he was really checking me out, my daughter said he did ask who I was going with. Is this a good sign??<BR>

hi ultrad, Little comment on the emotional issue-do waht you feel is right!<BR>What I do want you to think about are the std's! Has he been tested since his affair? Have you? Both of you should have an exam, cultures and blood work done. HIV testing routine is 6 mos with 3 tests in the US, 2 in Europe. The third test is done 6 mos after exposure and is 99% accurate. Tests should be done for everything, not just hiv!! Be honest with your doc or nurse practitioner and get them all done.<BR>Protect yourself and your kids by making sure these things are done! We get so hung up in emotions that sometimes we forget the the practical side of things.

Whoops. I thought ULTRAD was the betrayer?<P>In any case, my theme for the day seems to be "give it time". I would bet the two of you have a whole mess of things to sort out before sex becomes a positive experience. Maybe once "full forgiveness" has been achieved and you both have worked on whatever it was that went wrong with the relationship in the first place. I would resist the temptation to just rush back in to the old relationship just becasue it was better than what you are living with now.<P>That's my uninformed two-bits.

i thought betrayed! Either way, get the tests done!! <BR>Maybe i need to read more posts? Have more coffee? Less wine?

nonplused, you are absolutely correct. Apologes all around. Betrayer with an 'r', not a 'd'. <BR>No I cannot read, spell, and can barely type with this broken index finger! And both feet do fit in my mouth. Advice abt stds still stands when anyone has sex outside a relationship.

ULTRAD,<P>Does sound like your H is still interested in you. He is truggling with accepting and understanding what has happened, right now. Many of the meds will decrease the desire for sex.<P>When my H and I were separated the first time for 3 months, we continued to have sex, but ONLY when H initiated it. We were only reconciled for 2 1/2 weeks, and still had fantastic sex. Now, H has been gone 6 weeks and 2 days - NO SEX. YUCK!!!! I am REALLY missing it! I did offer a coouple times and he turned me down - maybe because I had too much to drink, maybe he didn't want me anymore, I don't know.<P>At our stage now, I think we should NOT have sex, because he has given NO sign he wants to work on the marriage. But, has that stopped me from still lusting for him????? NO.<P>You and your H should do what feels comfortable to the BOTH of you. As your H starts to warm up to you, again, you might make a tentative offer. But, be prepared to be rejected. It may have more to do with his inability to accept what has happened right now than his desire level for you. Give it time.......and, get tested for the STDs!<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>