It's been about 8 weeks since i found out my H had been cheating...we are both trying hard to get things back on track....but i can't move on....i try to forgive completely, but i just don't feel the magic anymore, i don't feel happy with him any more...we don't bond during sex...it's just sex....i want the excitement back, i want the magic back...how can i know if it's gone for good?

jilly,<P>You are still in the TRAUMATIC SHOCK phase of post-discovery. It is really too soon for you to be having the expectations of "getting it all back" already. You have been assaulted and it will take a long time to sort through all of this. It has to begin to make some sense to you first, and then you can spend some time deciding whether or not you want to rebuild with your H (hopefully yes, because I was D already once and let me tell you it was DEATH!!!!!!!)<P>Give yourself some time, jilly. These are delicate situations and they take time and effort to resolve. Come here and feel free to dump your concerns and fears. Most here canidentify with what you are experiencing and help to support you in your times of need.<P>Roll Me Away<P>------------------<BR>"Life is made up, not of great sacrifices or duties, but of little things in which smiles and kindnesses and small obligations, given habitually, are what win and preserve the heart and secure comfort."<P>Sir Humphry Davy<BR>

Read everything about restoring a marriage after an affair that you can get your hands on. If you are feeling dull and lifeless, maybe you should talk to your doctor about the possibility you may be suffering from depression triggered by this revelation.<P>It can happen - there are more than a few success stories around here. As you begin to feel better about yourself you will start to feel better about your husband, too. Give yourselves some time... it is still quite recent - you need to be kind to yourself and realize that it takes a while to go through the grieving and other emotions that you'll encounter along the way.<P>------------------<BR>terri<BR>I believe in miracles...<P>

What I have learned from my mistakes is that forgiving is more than saying it. It is also in your actions. I told my H over and over again that I had forgiven him but I never showed it. That ruined our marriage. No, I can't only blame myself but I acted up quite a bit. I can't say intentionally, but more from my pain and sadness. I literally drove him away. A friend of mine always went in the bathroom to cry or was able to contain herself until he left. Not me. I let him know. WRONG.I even listened to my counselor when she said to go for a drive and let it out. But me doing it a 3:00 am was probably not a good idea. You say you don't bond during sex? Bond afterwards....that is the best part. The holding and the touching are what makes you feel loved. You can do it. Remember, you can't feel that love if you don't give it

Thanks for replying so quickly. I am afraid that i'm taking too long to get on with things. I won't say that i need to "get over it", but i want to move on. he is trying so hard, i want to believe his sincerety, and i am afraid he'll get exasperated with me if i can't shake it. I am being treated for depression, or, quite honestly, i probably wouldn't be here today. I used to look into his eyes and just melt with the love i felt, his touch would electrify me, i couldn't wait to be alone with him. Now, he's trying to build new memories for us, and says he feels so very close to me and is having bonding experiences with me, and all i feel is "nice". We had a "nice" dinner, a "nice" time, sex was "nice". I used to be the most passionate person i knew.....i miss that. I try to act the way i wish i felt, but it just rings hollow. What isn't hurting inside, has just gone numb. I'm sooo afraid i will stay this way. I DON'T WANT TO! Maybe i should go find a book about this. We read the book, Mars and Venus together forever...and it worked miricles in the way he relates to me. I have a hard time trusting his sincerity. I don't want to be hurt again. I wouldn't make it.

jily -- I guess you could say that I (we) am (are) one of those success stories that terri mentioned. What you are going to through is, unfortunately, very common.<P>Roll Me Away described it very well when they used the description of TRAUMATIC SHOCK. Everything that you thought you knew and trusted has been destroyed before your very eyes. That is hard to get past. The only answer is the one you don't want to here . . . <B>TIME</B> You are still very close to the "beginning" of all this. Forgiveness takes time, and can be a very painful process. The benefits are tremendous though. Don't rush things. allow some time for healing before you start worrying about forgiveness.<P>It will get better.<P>God Bless